Family Ties
by FallinForAGuy
Summary: Dr. Flug finds something he shouldn't have in Black Hat's expansive library. Something Black Hat locked away to forget about for the rest of time. But why? Why would he want to forget? Why does Black Hat hate his brother so much?
1. Tale as Old as Time

Dr. Flug Slys felt a bit like Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_. Sure, he wasn't all that beautiful, but he _was_ stuck in a strange abode with a frightening creature that could kill him in an instant and he had no chance of escape. His only comfort was the fact that he wasn't alone, although he'd probably prefer singing dinnerware to the insane hyper fangirl he shared his prison with. The Halloween she'd dressed up and insisted on singing a heavy metal version of "I'm a Little Teapot" just didn't do it for him.

5.0.5. was ok, though. Flug felt a bit guilty that he'd created this being and doomed him to a similar life of captivity and hardship, but he liked having him around. He was soft and gentle, which hadn't been the doctors intention but he was grateful to have him around nonetheless.

But hey, it wasn't all that bad. The doctor got to spend his days doing what he enjoyed, even if it was under the threat of annihilation, and in his rare moments of free time he was allowed to explore the Black Hat Manor to his heart's content. All except for the quarters of Black Hat himself, and Dr. Flug had no intentions of ever getting anywhere near that area of the house.

Which must exist outside the laws of space and time, since by Flug's calculations there was no physical way that all the rooms, corridors, and hallways he'd traversed over the years could exist inside the manor.

Or this humongous library. It was far bigger than anything inside the iron walls of the Black Hat Manor could possibly be.

But Flug didn't care to question it, since his boss, Black Hat, didn't like questions. And the library was his second favorite area within the walls of his prison, right after the laboratory he spent the majority of his waking hours in.

The library was at least four stories high, with various branching wings and sitting rooms to read in that Flug felt like he was in a literary heaven whenever he was inside. It was easy to get lost in, what with its expansive and seemingly never ending array of books and bookshelves that stretched towards the ceiling. According to Demencia there were even more books stacked up in the rafters, and she'd knocked a few down so Flug was inclined to believe her.

She was not allowed back in after she'd done that.

Flug had been known to occasionally get lost, either in the library wings or in a good book he'd found, and that typically prompted Black Hat to apparate in and throw him out when he'd been away from his work station for too long.

"You're not here to read, you're here to work!" He'd say, shattering the calm silence of the otherwise empty haven of books. "Keep this up and I'll close the library off!"

But there were other times, like when Flug had found something rather interesting, that Black Hat wouldn't throw him out immediately. Instead he'd appear behind Flug, scare him half to death, and go on to comment on the book he'd picked up.

It was...rather surreal.

"Ah, you've found that one." He said when Flug came across a text on medieval medicinal practices. Flug nearly jumped out of his very skin upon hearing the otherworldly timbre of his bosses voice suddenly in his ear.

"It's a good read, although I myself enjoy the diagrams and illustrations far more than the text. They're a bit inaccurate, as it's not a first hand account, but still enjoyable to go through. Many of those techniques were adapted into torture when it was realized that they did much more harm than good. They were very amusing to watch in person."

The dark-skinned being said all of this with a calm and serene expression of complete ease on his face, as if they were discussing a work of fiction rather than a medical journal detailing horrendous medical malpractices. Flug knew he wasn't human, how could he be, but it was still unsettling to hear him describe torture so casually.

"Put it back when you're done, Doctor." He said as he turned to leave. "Remember, nothing in this library is ever to leave it."

Ah yes, Rule #3.

Black Hat didn't much mind Flug being in the library, as long as he didn't overstay his welcome and get behind on his work. Black Hat laid out three simple rules the first time he'd caught Flug wandering around. Flug was free to come in and read when he could as long as he observed them.

Never for any reason bring in food or drinks.

Do not damage the books in anyway by writing in them or mishandling them.

Never attempt to take anything out of the library.

Black Hat made sure to constantly remind him about the third rule in particular. Flug supposed Black Hat already knew Flug wouldn't do something like bring food into the library or mistreat a book, but taking one out was admittedly something Flug was tempted to do every now and again.

Like when he found those old aviation texts.

Seriously, they were like something out of da Vinci's journals! Except even more fantastical, with sketch after sketch detailing complex machinery just barely rooted in the known laws of aviation. Scrambled notes only just legible but from what Flug could make out they seemed somewhat plausible.

They were clearly done by an inspired soul, and Flug had wanted nothing more than to take them to the laboratory and see if he couldn't build something that could actually take to the skies.

"I do hope you're not thinking of taking that with you." Said a threatening voice from behind him.

"Sir!" He shrieked, almost dropping the books. "N-no! Of course not! W-w-well actually sir, if I may, I think I could actually put a few of these into practice. The designs are s-sound, from what I can tell, and could lend themselves to be improve on by modern innovation. So if you would allow me to borrow it-"

"Doctor, I thought I had made myself clear." Black Hat said, bringing his terrifying face closer to the doctors as he spoke. "You may enter the library, you may browse to your heart's delight, but you may take nothing. This isn't a public library and there will be no borrowing from it's collection."

He picked the meek scientist up by his shirt collar.

"Do you understand?"

"Y-yes _jefecito_."

Dr. Flug was unceremoniously released. And found himself laid out on the cold laboratory floor.

"Good."

Black Hat turned to walk away, but exiting he said over his shoulder, "If you're so intrigued, take a notebook with you next time."

"Yes sir." Flug said, rising up on shaky legs.

Flug was tempted to take out books again, more technical manuscripts or the odd fantasy story, but he never did and he _certainly_ never asked to. He already knew what the answer would be.

So on the occasion he found something he felt he could put to use in his creations, he whipped out a notepad and copied down whatever seemed the most useful.

Today, he was browsing. The library had some semblance of organization, but the shelves were not labelled nor catalogued. The phrase "organized chaos" came to mind. Flug mainly skimmed the titles and found they had a similar theme, although there seemed to be no rhyme or reason as to where anything was in relation to each other. One section maybe historical texts on Europe, the next may contain encyclopedias on infectious diseases, and the one after that was on the various classifications of winged insects. Then you went across the room and found a book on the paintbrushes used during the Renaissance. Not the Renaissance itself or it's paintings, just the brushes.

Why did Black Hat even _have_ these?

Dr. Flug liked to think that Black Hat just collected every book he'd ever come across and put them all in here without actually paying attention to what they were about. Even with the eons he'd been alive, how could he read all of these books?

And as Flug flipped through a rather large and heavy book about the care and feeding of some creature called a leviathan, he wondered why he would _want_ to. Black Hat didn't seem like the type to keep pets. Regardless of whatever that thing in the sub-sub-basement was.

Dr. Flug lost track of how long he spent roaming the winding labyrinthian rows of shelves and lush armchairs, but Black Hat hadn't kicked him out yet so he assumed he still had time.

Actually, Flug wasn't sure he'd ever been in this section of the library before. The books were absolutely coated in multiple layers of thick dust and spiderwebs, which was unusual because Black Hat insisted on maintaining a spotless household. It was one of the reasons 5.0.5. was allowed to stay, along with the small matter of being indestructible. 5.0.5. would dust and clean the manor, and Demencia had stolen a French maid outfit that actually fit him pretty well. It was one less thing for Black Hat to do himself, and the bear did it without having to be told, so he stayed.

So why then, had this secluded corner of literary treasures been left to rot?

Flug came to a realization with a start, this actually WAS a corner. It had always seemed like the library extended off in the eternal distance, like it was a sea of stories without end, and yet he swore he could see an actual corner in the distance through the fog of cobwebs.

Flug let loose heavy coughs, trying to get the thick dust out of his lungs. He ran a finger over one of the chairs and found his rubber gloved finger now coated in dark grey ash-like dust. Ugh, it was hard to breathe under this bag with all the dust bunnies in the air. Every footstep launched more and more up into his breathing space.

But he wanted to go further. See what was over here that was so old even the eternal Black Hat had forgotten about it.

Skimming the spines, he couldn't read any titles. Dusting them off only aggravated his lungs further, and the writing didn't seem to be in any language he had ever seen before. The pages were also very old and crumbling, when he opened the books they let out a puff of dust and almost fell apart.

But that corner was coming more into focus, and it was the first sign of this place actually having borders and not just a wall stretching into nothingness he'd ever seen, so he continued. He walked at an even pace coughing and wheezing until he finally came upon the place where two walls met.

Even more mysterious, Dr. Flug came across a chest tucked away in the corner. It was hidden by old decaying armchairs and a moth-eaten cloth but Flug picked it out immediately because of just how out of place it was. He'd never came across chests in here before. Were there more books inside? Ancient tombs of dark magic and supernatural power?

Was he even allowed to touch it?

He probably wasn't, but Black Hat hadn't popped up out of thin air to scream at him so he figured that as long as he didn't damage anything he'd get off with a warning.

With some difficulty, he dragged the heavy chest out from its hiding spot and gave it a good once-over with that ragged old cloth it had been under. It looked ancient, and it's hinges were overcome with rust. So much so that Flug thought that even the slightest pressure might break them.

As was it's padlock. The lock that kept whatever was inside hidden. It was rusted. Extremely rusted. So much so that even Flug could probably break it with his slightest touch. And open it. The chest could probably be opened with ease.

 _This is something in Black Hat's library. Meaning it belongs to Black Hat._ The sane part of his mind whispered. _Meaning that you shouldn't be touching it. Under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES._

But still, Black Hat wasn't here…

Oh God, Demencia must be rubbing off on him. Flug just couldn't resist the lure of something that the great and fearsome Black Hat had locked away to be forgotten by time.

He was also correct, the padlock fell into pieces the second he took it in his hands. The lock was rusted and opened with a loud ***CRACK***. The hinges remained fixed in place, making a horrid creaking noise as he lift the heavy lid of the chest. The noise shot through the silence like a firework and made Dr. Flug wince in mild discomfort.

The contents of the chest were still intact, by some miracle. Perhaps being locked away had shielded them from the erosion of the eons. There wasn't much in there aside from a few thin albums and rolled up parchment.

The parchment was cracking at the edges and seemed frail, so Flug gently pushed them to the side, not wanting to risk them crumbling apart in his hands. Whatever these were, he was sure Black Hat would get pissed if he messed them up.

Rule #2: Don't damage the books.

Flug wasn't going to take the chance. As far as he was concerned, they were books and he wasn't to damage them.

The albums had held up better than the scrolls had. Dr. Flug cautiously picked one up and brushed what little dust there was off the cover. There was something written on it, but it was in a language he didn't understand. Opening it, Flug was greeted by a photo of Black Hat posing on a destroyed battlefield, surrounded by broken swords and wearing a lucious red cape.

He'd seen that image before, he was sure. If he wasn't mistaken it was one of the paintings hanging up on the walls of the manor. It was also freaking HUGE.

Flug flipped the page and found more pictures, some looking like paintings he'd seen around the manor. Some he'd never seen before. But all of Black Hat amidst various scenes of death and destruction. There were even a handful that looked like old school photographs, although they'd faded a bit and weren't of the highest quality. Like the one of Black Hat with a curly mustache posing by a woman tied to train tracks.

Flug put the first one down and picked up another, this one containing more pictures of Black Hat. Although these were definitely ones he'd never seen before. Flug was sure he'd remember seeing a painting of Black Hat riding a flaming skeletal black... _unicorn_? Down the side of an erupting volcano. He had some sort of chalice in one of his hands, overflowing with some glowing blue liquid.

So, he'd stumbled across Black Hat's old photo albums? Not what he had been expecting…

As Flug flipped through more albums, the images got stranger and more bizarre. Fiery explosions among the vacant abyss, swirling blackness closing in on deformed humanoids, detached appendages frozen mid-death-twitch under familiar shoes. The only constant was Black Hat's face, ever present and usually facing the viewer with a wide grin showing off his sharp teeth. It gave Flug the creeps, like Black Hat himself was watching him.

And he was not even halfway through the albums.

Picking up another, he found the thinnest of the bunch. It also seemed to be in the poorest condition, perhaps older than the rest. It had that same indecipherable writing on the cover, so Flug assumed it would be even more photos.

He was right, but something seemed...different about these ones.

They were still of Black Hat, but he seemed...shorter? His limbs weren't as long, he wasn't smiling as wide, he just seemed all around smaller than he should've been. And it just got more noticeable with each turn of the pages. Black Hat still had his signature monocle and top hat but they seemed...bigger, somehow. Like he hadn't quite grown into them yet-

Oh...

Oh please...

Oh please tell him…

Please please _please_ tell him he did not…

Tell him he did NOT just come across Black Hat's BABY PICTURES!

Oh no, oh nononononono that was just TOO GOOD. The all-powerful Black Hat, in his childhood! Flug tried to stifle a laugh from underneath his bag, but he couldn't help himself. The whole thing was just... _bizarre_. He'd always figured Black Hat was this eternal entity of evil, that had just sprung into creation along with the universe. He never knew that Black Hat had, well, _grown up._ It was weird saying it out loud, but Flug had never thought of Black Hat as a being that had been a _child_ at any point. He had figured that Black Hat just kind of existed, and had looked the exact same as he did today for all time.

Oh Demencia was going to FREAK OUT when he told her! He'd have to sneak her in next time so she could see for herself.

Flug started praying that he came across a picture of Black Hat as a teenager with a face full of acne or something. Please, _please_ tell him that Black Hat had awkward teen photos of himself stashed away somewhere.

Or photos of him as an ACTUAL baby. Oh that would be gold. Hey, if he had been a child at some point, maybe he had actually been born. Meaning he had been a baby at one point in his life. And hopefully he had photos of it hidden away. In this very album Flug was sifting through.

Flug couldn't stop himself, he gleefully flipped through the album faster, watching Black Hat get progressively younger and younger. C'mon baby, awkward teen years of Black Hat! Awkward teen Black Hat! Awkward teen Black Hat! If he could just see something along those lines, he could die a happy man!

And since Black Hat was probably gonna kill him for going through his things, he might as well die happily.

Flug didn't find any photos of teenage Black Hat. Or maybe he had, but Black Hat didn't have an "awkward" teen phase. Black Hat had one of those faces that was just ageless, so gauging his approximate stage in life was difficult. He was getting younger, or at least smaller, that was for sure.

Then Flug came across a photo he almost skipped right over. He almost didn't notice what was different about this photo compared to the rest. But when it hit him his hand froze. His brain stopped working. He lost his giddy and expectant smile (not that anyone would be able to tell really). He was frozen in place staring at the image.

There was Black Hat. The smallest form he'd seen him in. Small, childlike, his head nearly swallowed by his top hat. Wearing a red turtleneck and shorts and the most precious little boots ever. He was...pretty damn cute, in all honesty. A word Dr. Flug never expected to use in regards to BLACK HAT of all...people?

But instead of laughing, Dr. Flug was confused. Confused because Black Hat was not the only subject of the photo.

Right next to him was a boy who looked...almost _exactly_ like Black Hat. A near perfect mirror image. The dark skin was only a few shades lighter, but he had the same face, the same height, the only difference was wardrobe. The other boy had on a white top hat instead of a black one, and was dressed in a light blue shirt with white overalls. And his boots had little white bows that matched his tie it was so cute! He even had on a monocle! Except the other boy had it on his right eye whereas Black Hat's was on his left.

But more importantly, WHO WAS THAT AND WHY DID HE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE BLACK HAT!?

Dr. Flug knew the answer, but his brain was refusing to process it at the moment.

Black Hat has a…

Black Hat _is_ a…

Suddenly Dr. Flug felt himself fly across the room. He crashed headfirst into one of the monolithic bookshelves in one or the more used sections of the library and somehow he had still held onto the photo album in his hands.

Oh wow his head hurt. His vision was swimming and he felt like he might've gotten a concussion. He reached a hand under his bag to check if he was bleeding, relieved that he wasn't.

That relief was quickly crushed as Dr. Flug heard the rusted hinges of the chest grating back in the dirty unused area he'd found. It was followed by a sudden slam, what he assumed to be the chest being rather forcefully slammed shut.

Then Dr. Flug heard the footsteps.

The library floor was carpeted, making the footsteps of the other person rather muffled, but having no other noise made each step seem as loud as a church bell. The steps were not hurried nor frantic, they were even and deliberate, like someone taking a leisurely stroll through a beautiful park.

Dr. Flug felt his blood run cold as the footsteps grew closer and closer at their steady pace. Standing up made his headache worse, and he couldn't even make it to his feet without stumbling. Even if he could, it wasn't as if he could run away. _He_ would find him. This was his house, after all.

Dr. Flug wondered if he should start begging for his life now. He was a sitting duck with no chance of escape and mercy wasn't something Black Hat was particularly known for so he was most likely going to die now. Maybe he'd buy himself a few extra minutes if he groveled particularly pathetically, but that was about all he could think of.

The top-hatted multi-million villain came into focus from the dusty abyss. His face was the absolute image of unbridled rage. His visible eye was glowing a faint red, only managing to barely keep himself restrained from setting the entire place on fire.

He didn't stop as he approached Dr. Flug. He didn't even so much as slow down. Dr. Flug huddled against the bookshelf and tried to stutter out an apology, but before he could get a single syllable out he was swifty kicked in the gut. It knocked the wind out of him and he slumped against Black Hat's foot. Black Hat then drew his foot back and began rapidly kicking the doctor over and over and over again. Each blow somehow harder than the last.

When that no longer satisfied him, he summoned his cane out of the shadows and mercilessly bludgeoned Dr. Flug with it. The doctor curled in on himself to protect his head from the blunt of the blows, but Black Hat didn't stop. Didn't let up. Didn't pause at Flug's cries for forgiveness or his pleas for his boss to let him explain. The bag tore and the goggles broke. Black Hat didn't stop.

He didn't stop until Dr. Flug was a trembling, bloody mess on the library floor.

His breathing was labored, his arms were littered in bruises and he might've had a few broken fingers. His legs were much the same, although it didn't feel as if anything had been broken. The bones might've been bruised. His torso felt like a few of his internal organs might've ruptured. He could've been bleeding internally. His gut felt like was about to burst open and collapse in on itself. His head was definitely bleeding now, Dr. Flug could feel the blood seeping from his cracked open head.

And yet, he was not dead. Not even unconscious. Why?

Black Hat's grabbed Dr. Flug by the neck, his sharp talons digging into the flesh and threatening to rip his throat apart. Dr. Flug couldn't breath. He was already too weak to struggle. This seemed to be it.

" **Flug.** " Black Hat said through clenched teeth. " **Do you have the** _ **faintest idea**_ **what you stumbled across?** "

Dr. Flug couldn't really speak, on account of his hoarse throat from all the screaming and begging and the sharp talons around his throat. He tried to shake his head, to communicate that he really didn't know why Black Hat was this enraged.

The world was spinning again and when Dr. Flug finally got his bearings he realized he was back in the laboratory. He was tossed against the nearest wall and fell limp on the floor instantly. Everything hurt, he was in so much pain. So much pain. Why wasn't he dead? If Black Hat was this man, why not just kill him?

He could hear Black Hat's voice but couldn't make out any actual words. He could hear the blood pounding in his head and it threatened to thrash his brain all over again. 5.0.5. came in at some point, picked him up as gently as the creature was able, and patched him up as best he knew how. Luckily he'd watched Dr. Flug attend to his wounds before, so he had some idea of what to do.

It was a few hours before Dr. Flug was fully lucid. His arms were bandaged up to the shoulders, one of his legs was it a cast, and his hands had ice packs wrapped around them. He couldn't really feel them at all. He didn't even want to know what his head was like, because it felt like he'd stuck it in a trash compactor. At least 5.0.5. had gotten a new bag for him. He owed the fluffy thing a treat for what a good job he did.

Then Demencia walked in, as carefree as ever.

"Hey Loser!" She said. "What did you do this time?"

"Mmmm," Flug groaned. Her voice was even more grating than usual. And did she have to call him "loser" right now? Could she not see he was in pain?

"Aw c'mon, the boss didn't even kill you! He sure was pissed though. He said to tell you that you aren't allowed in the library anymore. So, what'd you do? Did you find Black Hat's secret stash of porn in there or something?"

"PFFFFT- HA!" Dr. Flug let loose something between a raspberry and a laugh. It hurt to do, his ribs might've been broken and needed more work that 5.0.5. had been able to provide.

He croaked out, "No. That would've been almost as amazing as what I did find."

Demencia gasped. "What could be better than Black Hat's fapping material!?"

Oh God he didn't want to think about Black Hat doing that. Or what could possible qualify as erotic material for a demon. Or why Demencia was interested in it. He shuddered to think about the what's and why's of this train of thought.

"I found out Black Hat is a twin." He said.


	2. True as It Can Be

Demencia stared at him blankly.

"Uhh, no he isn't." she said. "If he was, I'd already know about it. I know _everything_ there is to know about Black Hat."

"Apparently not," Dr. Flug said weakly. Oh God he felt like he just got run over by a truck with snow treads. Actually no, that would probably hurt _less_ than getting beaten with a cane by Black Hat.

Dr. Flug figured Black Hat might be mad about him going through his things without permission (as if he would ever give him permission even if he asked), but he hadn't expected him to beat him within an inch of his life over flipping through his old family photos.

"Shut up, nerd." Demencia said. She sounded...serious…"I know _everything_ about Black Hat. I was his stalker for _seven years_ before I came here, damn it!"

"How old _are_ you?" Dr. Flug wondered out loud. She looked to be in the late teens-early twenties range, but then again she'd looked like that ever since he'd met her. And that was...damn, it had to have been _years_ at this point.

Come to think of it, how old was _he_?

Demencia ignored him. "I know his height. His exact weight down to the milligrams. I know how much of that weight is his clothes. I know the number of shoe bills in his drawers. I know his underwear size. I know the shampoo he uses-"

"He has hair?"

"See! You didn't even know that!" Demencia said loudly. She stalked close to the injured doctor, accentuating her words with each step.

"I know his favorite meals. I know his most despised movies. I know when he's sleeping and I know the things he's dreaming. I. Know. His. _Scent_." She was right next to the bed now, staring daggers at the mad scientists broken body. The mad scientist who was now trying really hard to think of what exactly Black Hat smelled like and how often Demencia had sniffed him and his clothes to be able to say that with such conviction. For some reason, the scent that came to him was burning paper. Weird.

"You're really going to lay there and spout some crap about a twin I somehow don't know about?"

"I was gonna show ya," Flug mumbled out. "They were cute pictures."

"Wait, pictures? What pictures?" Demencia leaned over Flug's aching body intently.

Flug didn't answer right away. He'd found the button to send morphine through the IV drip in his arm and he was just holding it down. Damn that felt good. Demencia slapped him a few times before he was focused enough to reply.

"Hey! Hey! Don't go saying stuff like that and then leave me hanging nerd! What pictures are you talking about!?"

"Black Hat. As a kid."

"As a WHAT?!" Demencia screamed. Ow, that hurt.

"Be quiet." Dr. Flug said, trying to raise a hand to cover her mouth. "You see what he did to me."

Demencia started talking in stage whispers. "You found Black Hat's _baby book_?!"

"Pretty much."

"And didn't _show me_?"

"I was gonna."

"Well, why didn't ya!?"

"Kinda got beaten to a pulp before I got the chance." Flug said sarcastically.

"Well, where is it?!" She said excitedly. "I just know Black Hat was _adorable_!"

"He was, actually." Dr. Flug said with a goofy smile Demencia couldn't see. "He and his brother were just adorbs."

Demencia got serious again at the mention of Black Hat's supposed sibling. Even doped up he could tell his co-worker was greatly disturbed by the fact that there was information on her beloved Black Hat that even _she_ wasn't privy to.

"So, you saw a photo of...them?"

"MmmHmm." Dr. Flug hummed. "Boss was all little in this cute red turtleneck and shorts. And he had on the cutest little boots. Still had his hat. It looked kinda big for him, though."

Demencia grinned dreamily, picturing her love as a tiny creature that had yet to grow into his fancy headwear. She sobered up as she asked her next question. "And his...twin brother?"

"Uh, he had a white hat. And white overalls. And cute little white boots with bows on them."

"And you're not just saying crazy things from the goofy-juice?" That was Demencia's colloquial term for pain medicine. The kind that made people act silly, a bit like Dr. Flug was now. He should probably stop flooding his system with morphine at some point.

Ehh, give it another minute.

"Nope." Flug said with a pop at the "p" sound.

"Well, where is it?" Demencia picked the thin man up by this shoulders. He'd probably be in agonizing pain if not for the drugs. "It you're just spouting crap I'm gonna finish what the boss started."

"I dunno." Flug said. "I had the book in my hands, boss showed up, and then I was here."

"So Black Hat has it?"

"I guess?"

"Ok, then Imma go see it for myself!" She declared, dropping the man down on the cot without a care in the world as to what that might do. It earned a small grunt from him.

"Have fun." He called out. "Try not to die."

"If he didn't kill you, there's no way he'll kill me!" She yelled back as she ran out of the doors to the laboratory.

Now that was a question for the ages. Why _hadn't_ Black Hat killed him? It wasn't as if Dr. Flug couldn't be replaced. Black Hat had threaten to do it many times over the years, albeit not recently. He was no stranger to beating Flug either, but he really hadn't hurt him to this extent in a while. As willing as he was to do Flug harm, he still needed (well, needed might be too strong a word. Wanted, more like) Flug to build machines of chaos and destruction for his company.

As Dr. Flug looked himself over again, he wondered how long it'd be until he was up and working again. Hopefully not too long, or Black Hat would just get pissed at him _again_ for doing nothing when he was supposed to be working.

Which would be his own damn fault, not that Flug was ever going to say so.

Dr. Flug tapped the morphine button a few more times, glad that 5.0.5. had had the sense to leave him with it, and drifted off into a medically induced nap.

* * *

Black Hat had locked himself in his office ever since that little "incident" a few hours ago.

He was only just now beginning to calm himself. He focused hard on keeping his breathing steady. A bit of the tension coursing through his faux muscles had begun to dissipate. He was no longer feeling as enraged as he had before.

He imagined his happy place; an active war zone filled with child soldiers, having orders barked at them by cruel men who would whip the disobedient slaves who failed in their duties. Not killing them, not while they could still move. Could still aim and shoot. Only once they had outlived their usefulness could they die.

Black Hat felt a semi-relaxed smile spread across his face. He took a deep breath as the mental image of the whip was raised above a particularly emancipated young boy, releasing it slowly as he pictured it being brought down and splitting the skin, how the blood sprayed over the faces of the other children frozen in their horror as yet another of their peers was silenced. How they would now have to compensate for his loss, lest they share his fate. How the despair permeated their very bone marrow. Delicious.

Ahhhh, he felt such peace holding that gruesome scene in his head.

He tried to keep it with him, but the source of his anger clawed its way back to the forefront of his mind like scavengers through a corpse.

His... _ **brother**_ …

He hated _**him**_. Didn't even want to acknowledge _**his**_ existence. So much as thinking his name made him clench his fists and jaw in rage. It made him see red, more intensely than any incompetent wanna-be villain could ever hope to.

Why? Well, that was his business now wasn't it?

And for those reasons, he preferred to put his insufferable _**brother**_ out of mind. He thought he had destroyed every reminder of his existence that he had, he thought he had burned every photo or piece of writing that so much as hinted at the fact that Black Hat had a (the word sent disdainful shivers down his spine the side of railroad spikes) _**twin**_.

Apparently, he'd missed one.

And that wretched excuse of a scientist of his had found it.

How _dare_ he go through Black Hat's things! After he had been so generous as to allow him entrance to _his_ personal library! Allowed him to browse _his_ literary treasures and find a small sliver of peace within its near-endless walls.

Black Hat really hadn't minded Flug in there before. Sure, the miserable wretch could lose himself in the pages of a book or just plain get lost in the winding bookcases of the place, but Black Hat knew he was the sort of person who would treat his collection with care and respect, and saw no harm in letting him browse where he liked.

It wasn't as if there was anything important in there.

Except, apparently, there was.

Black Hat hadn't thought about his _**brother**_ (Hades, just thinking of that made him want to throw up) for centuries now. Why couldn't it have been millenia? Why couldn't it have been eons? Why not for the rest of his life of scum and villainy? Why hadn't he been allowed to simply forget the fact that he was not alone in this world? He'd prefer it so much more if he was. That was how he liked to live his life, as if he was utterly solitary in this universe. Like there was no one else like him. No one else similar to him in any way.

No one _as strong as him_.

His ground his teeth so hard they shattered, sending enamel and other toothy bits flying. No matter, he simply regenerated his teeth. And then shattered _those_.

Flug wasn't going to be allowed back in the library after this. Not ever. Black Hat had already forgotten _one_ thing he'd hidden in there that he didn't want to be reminded of, he wasn't going to risk the pathetic bag-wearing human find something _else_ he'd locked away to be swallowed by dust and decay.

So, it was probably for the best that he close off that part of the manor. Since Flug wouldn't be going in, and he rarely went in himself anymore these days, there was no reason not to simply lock the doors and pretend that it too had never existed.

Black Hat forced himself to _relax_. So, Flug had found out that Black Hat had a... _you know_. He had been adequately punished and was having his library privileges revoked permanently, so now was the time to go assess the damage and see how far back Black Hat had put himself with his little outburst.

Because much like the child from Black Hat's imagination, Dr. Flug Slys was not allowed to die until he was of no more use to Black Hat. And as much as it irked the eldritch to admit, the doctor was still useful for the time being.

He stood up from his lush armchair, straightened his tie and coat, and took another deep breath. He should probably tell Flug to immediately forget what it was he found in the library, if he knew what was good for him he'd do it without question. Perhaps he should have Flug devise an amnesia serum, so that he actually _would_ forget what it was he saw. Maybe he should just forget that there was ever a library in the manor at all.

Nah, let him remember. That way he'll be forever crushed at the loss of his one sanctuary within these iron walls. The thought of the poor scientists despair and misery wafting through the air bringing a smile to Black Hat's face.

For roughly two seconds before Demencia was banging on his door like it owed her money.

"Black Hat! Black Hat! I know you're in there my sweet _Bombon_!"

Ugh, he was most certainly _not_ her "bombon". This day was already terrible, all he wanted was to end it on a high note by bringing more suffering to his unfortunate scientist. Was that really so much to ask?

He was about to slam the heavy double doors open, hopefully hitting his erratic fangirl in the face, when she froze him in his tracks.

"Where's that picture Flug found!?"

 _ **Fuck.**_

* * *

Dr. Flug awoke to a wet nose sniffing his bagged face. He knew it was wet because it was making the paper all soggy. Well, that can be only one of the three other inhabitants of this house.

Flug, with some difficulty, slipped his hands out of their melted ice pack shields and lightly stroked the soft blue fur of his creation. This produced a few happy coos from the bear, rumbling deep in his ursine throat.

"Mmmmm, hey there Fives." He said through a dry throat and parched lips. "You did a good job patching up your _papi_."

"Bawwoooo," The living Care-Bear happily vocalized. Not that Dr. Flug had intended for him to be so friendly and loving, but he couldn't say he regretted it. Some (most) days it felt like this failed experiment was his only friend in this horrid place.

Dr. Flug sat up, although it hurt. He probably needed much more work than the bear could provide, what with his paws and lack of medical knowledge. But he had tried and he did his best and as far as Flug was concerned that was all he needed.

He continued stroking and playing with the soft fur, still amazed after all this time (how long _has_ it been?) at just how soft and comforting the bear's fur felt. He wished he'd had a teddy bear like this growing up. Maybe then, he wouldn't have felt so alone and afraid. Just feeling the soft hairs against the skin of his ungloved hands made him feel content. Even in this place.

Which was something he was going to need more often, now that the library was being taken from him.

"Bawww?" His creation looked up at him with a concerned expression.

"Ah, it's nothing, Fives." The doctor said with a wave of his hand. "I'm just a little sad because I don't get to go in the library anymore."

"Baw?"

"I, uh, I found something secret, I guess. So now _jefecito_ doesn't want me in there." Flug had to wonder, though, why precisely was Black Hat making the library off-limits? Was it because he overstepped his boundaries, or were there more hidden secrets Black Hat had stashed in the library's winding wings that he didn't want to risk Flug coming across like he had his secret sibling?

"Bawww?" The sweet 5.0.5. asked, as he pulled out a thin album from under the cot Dr. Flug was laid out on.

Flug's heart stopped for a second. Literally, the heart rate monitor flatlined for a good second or two, scaring a few more years off of the doctor and his creation. Good God how were any of them still alive in here?

"5...5.0.5….where did you get that?" He asked in a small voice once his heart remembered that it kind of needed to keep beating.

5.0.5. motioned to his creator's hands and mimicked holding something against his chest tightly. Flug had had it with him when Black Hat threw him back into the lab. In his rage, Black Hat forgot to actually take the thing that he had gotten so mad about.

And Demencia...had just gone...to ask him about it…

Oh boy.

Dr. Flug flipped through the photo album madly, searching desperately for that picture of Black Hat and his twin brother. He thought it was somewhere near the back, but he couldn't be sure. He was just barely skimming the pictures for the two of them, hoping he didn't flip past it in his frenzied state.

A crash ran out through the manor.

Then a screech.

Of something that was most definitely not human.

Which was moving fast and probably coming right for him.

Must find it must find it must find it must find it-

There it was!

Dr. Flug carefully removed the picture from the album and hid it under his pillow. Yeah, not very original but he was half-naked and covered in bandages. Hiding the evidence on his person wasn't very feasible. He put the album on his lap and laid back down as the nonchalant invalid he was supposed to be.

He could make out Demencia's screaming, nearly overtaken by what must've been Black Hat chasing her down. Apparently Black Hat didn't want anyone, not even his biggest fan, to know he was a twin. What, was he scared she'd like his brother better and go obsess over _HIM_?

Dr. Flug chuckled a bit. As if Black Hat cared at all about Demencia or her thoughts. Or his…

Demencia herself came crashing through one of the air vents (oh come on Flug just fixed that last...week?) and landed perfectly on her feet. Well, she did have superhuman strength, agility, reflexes, and healing. A 30 ft drop was probably nothing to her.

Her eyes locked on Flug, and the book on his lap.

"Is that it?!" She yelled. Flug flinched at the volume of her voice. Did she have to be so loud? Black Hat was going to-

Black Hat then materialized in the lab, staring daggers at Demencia and looking at Flug with absolute loathing. 5.0.5. hid behind one of the experimentation tubes, not wanting to be in the line of fire for whatever was coming.

Flug picked the photo album up with shaking hands and held it out in front of him. He hoped his demonic employer would take it without causing him anymore harm. Or ask him about that one particular picture that had landed him in this mess. Oh God just the thought of being found out! Like it wasn't enough for Flug to just _find_ the damn thing, he had to try and hide it from Black Hat as well!

If Black Hat wasn't mad enough to kill him before, surely he would be now!

Said villain snatched the photo album out of his scientists hands at the speed of sound. He clenched it so tight that he left finger imprints in the binding.

"Never speak of this again." He said, leaving as easily as he had come.

Demencia blinked, surprised that that was all he did. Then turned her attention towards Flug.

"You pathetic worm!" She screamed. "You had it all along?!"

"I didn't-"

"All that talk about how cute Lil' Blackie was and you don't even let me _see him_!? What the hell kind of coworker are you!? You suck Flug!"

"Demencia plea-"

"Don't you 'Demencia plea-' me!" The reptilian girl said, marching towards him angrily. "How dare you tell me about Black Hat's adorable little kid pics and then give them away?!"

Technically he didn't, but Flug didn't say that. Instead he reached under his pillow as Demencia drew nearer.

"I can make it up to you."

"Oh yeah? How do you plan on doing that, you miserable...you!"

"Maybe like this?" Flug pulled out the picture.

Demencia's jaw dropped. So hard that Dr. Flug thought for a second it was going to hit the floor and crack it. Her mouth was so wide he was tempted to see if he could fit his head into it. Her eyes sparkled as she gazed on the young version of her love preserved in the image. She plucked it out of the doctors fingers and held it up to her face like it would disappear if she wasn't holding on to it.

"Oh...Em...Gee!" She shrieked. "He's so perfect! He's just perfect! He's so precious and adorable and _cute_ and OH MY GAWK he's so perfect! I just want to hold him and squeeze him and give him lots of love and evil cuddles and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Flug waited in vain for her to calm down. If this kept up, Black Hat was going to come right back and murder them both. This was it, the horror of _fangirling_.

"And, his little twinsies!" She hugged the photo to her chest. " He's _so cute_! I mean, Black Hat's _obviously_ the cuter one, and is probably the hotter one now that they're all grown up, but he's not so bad. He's not as huggable, but the two of them are just so...AWWWWWWWWWW!"

Dr. Flug was sure he saw heart emojis in her eyes.

She gazed at the photo again, and the revelation seemed to slowly dawn on her. There had been something about Black Hat she hadn't known about. There were things about Black Hat that even his most devoted fan (stalker) couldn't find out about. If Black Hat could keep something as huge as a secret twin brother under wraps, who knew what else there was that she didn't know?

Demencia's look turned sombre. She prided herself on being the leading expert on Black Hat. She was his self-proclaimed Number One Fan, who aced every trivia game with a perfect score and was the only one insane enough to actual fall even harder for him after meeting him. All the other so-called devotees had died of fright when they realized the sort of monster they were idolizing, but not Demencia. Demencia looked into the abyss that was Black Hat and blew it a kiss.

Then ran for cover, as demonic entities from other dimensions don't take kindly to displays of affection. But no matter what hellish form Black Hat took and no matter how many times Demencia herself fled in terror, self-preservation winning out, she always came right back for more.

"So, he's a twin after all." She finally said, slumping down in the chair next to Flug. 5.0.5. came out of hiding to console her, even after all the pranks and mean spirited things she'd done to him just because he wasn't evil like her or Black Hat. Or even like Flug. He had, after all, been the mind behind most of the fiendish devices littering the lab and wreaking havoc on the world outside of Hatsville.

"And I didn't know." She said, allowing the bear to bring her into a warm embrace. "I didn't know about it _at all_. What else is there I don't know about him?"

"I'm sorry Demencia." Dr. Flug said. What else could he say?

"I love him," She whimpered. "I love him _so much_."

"I know you do."

"And everything I ever knew about him just made me love him more. Like I can't do anything but love him. But this? This hurts. How could I not have known? Me, his biggest fan?"

"Demencia, I don't think anyone besides us knows." Dr. Flug said. "I mean, we're the closest people to him in the world. You most of all."

"Awwwwoo," 5.0.5. cooed in agreement. He knew how much Demencia loved Black Hat and how much he mattered to her. Which was a bit sad when everyone knew she didn't matter to him at all.

Demencia sniffled a little bit. Dr. Flug hoped that they'd made her feel a little better. She wiped her eyes on her arm warmer and pushed 5.0.5. back a bit.

"Black Hat's gonna be pissed when he realizes I took that." Dr. Flug said. "And that I showed you."

"Heh heh, yeah. You're gonna die. For sure this time."

"Hey, you will too. We can get killed by Black Hat together!" Dr. Flug said with faux enthusiasm. He really didn't want to die over his bosses old family photos.

"Baw?" 5.0.5. asked. Damn, he forgot about 5.0.5. Flug couldn't die and just leave him here all alone! He wasn't sure if Black Hat would keep such kind and peaceful entity around just to save on actually hiring someone else to clean his big-ass Manor.

"Don't worry Fives, we aren't going anywhere." Dr. Flug said, reaching out to give his friend a reassuring pat on his head. The little flower perked up happily.

Demencia wiped her nose on her arm warmer (ok, that's just gross) and stood up. She still had the picture clutched tight in her arm, although not enough to damage it. She'd never destroy something with Black Hat's image on it.

"I'm going to borrow this." She announced in a shaky voice. Like she was still on the verge of tears but trying to keep it together. "I'm going to borrow this, cuz there's something I need to do now."

"Oh, uh, ok Demencia." Dr. Flug said, surprised. Well, he wasn't so much surprised that she wanted to keep it, if only for a little while before Black Hat realized it was gone and came back down to torture it out of Flug. But what was it she was going to do with it?

"I'll come back when I'm done, ok?"

"Uh, ok?" Come back? Was she leaving? She couldn't leave. That ankle monitor would shock her if she left the Hatsville city limits without permission, making her pretty limited in terms of places she could flee to. Not to mention the fact that it had a tracking chip in it, meaning no where she went was ever truly out of Black Hat's reach. Wherever she was, he could find her.

But, Demencia hardly ever thought these things through. If Black Hat asked, Flug had no idea where she or that picture was. It was the technical truth, just not the entire truth. Dr. Flug just hoped she had enough sense in her nearly empty head to know what she was doing. He could only do so much to protect her.

With that Demencia nodded and walked swiftly out of the laboratory, keeping the picture of the two little demons close to her heart. Leaving Dr. Flug and 5.0.5. to wonder what it was she was up to and why she was so uncharacteristically serious about it.


	3. Barely Even Friends

Black Hat just stared at the old photo album on his desk for a while. Aside from his own dents in the front and back covers from his fierce grip, it was remarkably well preserved. The writing on the cover, in faded human blood, translated to something along the lines of "Memories".

He scoffed. Why had he held on to _any_ of these?

It wasn't as though he was a particularly sentimental creature. And this in particular had held something he was all too ready to put behind him for the rest of his eternal days.

What else did it have inside?

Truth be told, he hadn't gone through these old things since he'd locked them away so long ago. Perhaps he should thumb through it, for old times sake. Just to make sure he didn't accidentally destroy a really good image of himself that he actually did want to keep with him.

With a sigh, he opened to the first picture of the album. Oh Satan, one of him in his younger years. Back when Black Hat Inc. had been little more than a thought in his head. A concept he cultivated as he grew and explored the multiverse. Look at him, burning the crops and homes of that poor village with the passion of youth.

He remembered this. This was when he learned to burn everything you see; the flora, the fauna, the crops, the buildings, the countryside, the people huddled together on the outskirts hoping they've been forgotten in favor of destroying what they worked so hard to build. How wrong they were.

Black Hat felt the corners of his mouth twitch, threatening to break into a smile.

He flipped the page and oh look at him! Raising his first colony of mutant human-spider hybrids! He remembered that little project! If he wasn't mistaken, he'd deposited them off on some obscure planet somewhere outside this solar system to watch them adapt to their new environment. Oh how they'd thrived! He had watched them grow for a few hundred years before losing interest. He was pleased at his ability to create such a race and watch them fully colonize their new home, even spreading out to other planets once they evolved sufficiently. But it had grown boring. He wondered if they were still out there or if they had died out by this time. Conquered by a superior race.

Ah, he remembered that pet turtle in the next picture. It hadn't been a very fun pet, but it had been delicious. Maybe it was a good thing he had been stopped from devouring it immediately, if he had then perhaps a reality or two he had explored in his later years may not have come to fruition. Where would he have developed his skills then?

Black Hat then grimaced as he remembered _**who**_ had stopped him from eating the turtle outright.

"Brother no! Maturin is our pet! We're supposed to take care of him!"

Black Hat ground his teeth. He didn't _want_ to take care of anything that wouldn't benefit him in some way. And the turtle was only beneficial in being a quick snack when Black Hat got bored and wanted something to do with his teeth.

The most entertaining thing the turtle had ever done was puke out the macroverse, and even _then_ his _**brother**_ had been upset with him for causing the "poor thing" to vomit such cosmic entities out. Demanding to know what Black Hat had forced down its throat to produce such a thing.

Even at the time, Black Hat hadn't bothered remembering what it was he had fed the reptile to get him to spew out a whole new universe or three. He had been bored, and the turtle had been around.

Much like he would be years later when Black Hat ripped him from his shell.

Flipping the page a few more times, Black Hat was greeted by another image of himself in his formative years. This time, it was him with his old "friend". Black Hat grinned despite himself, the memories flooding back to him after all this time. He had been the nextdoor neighbors son during a time when Black Hat had lived in a rural country area, a sort of beast in the form of bark and shadows that fed off of the life force of others.

Black Hat's childhood friend.

The two of them would run through the woods often during that perfect window of opportunity when fall begins to bleed to winter. Black Hat to get a few hours of refugee away from his deplorable other half, his "friend" following him and offering a small sense of camaraderie. That creature hadn't been half bad company, and a woodland beast such as he was right at home among the trees. He had his uses and wasn't wholly unpleasant.

But he and Black Hat had very different definitions of fun.

Hide and seek has a cost, he would be forever lost.

Black Hat chuckled darkly to himself. They never did find him. Even with his brother dragging him out to look for his "dear friend" everyday for almost a full year after his disappearance, no one had found him. Months spent pointlessly combing through the woods, because _**someone**_ couldn't let go. But he was gone from that place, never to be found.

Well, not never. Black Hat had found him. Fairly recently, in fact. He hadn't changed much, and was _very_ surprised to see Black Hat again. As was Black Hat, he hadn't so much as _thought_ about his old "friend" since moving from that desolate countryside. But it was amusing to see how the beast had been getting on ever since his disappearance in those old woods. They had a nice little reunion, played some catch up after all the years spent apart, and these days Black Hat and his dear old childhood friend were still just as close as ever.

After all, his head was stuffed and mounted in Black Hat's living room.

Black Hat broke into cacophonous bellowing laughter. So loud that the furniture began to shake. But oh, oh he was keeping this one! As a matter of fact he should get it it's own rustic picture frame and place it in the very same room as that arbor atrocity! Black Hat was sure he'd appreciate knowing that Black Hat thought of him fondly. That he, much like everything else in the manor, was near and dear to Black Hat's heart.

That spurned another bout of howling mad cackles. Black Hat didn't even _HAVE_ a heart!

Black Hat continued down memory lane in good spirits. He'd forgotten just how many good times he'd had, despite sharing his early millennials with a brother such as _**he**_. Maybe he should pull out the other albums, make a night of this. This was actually pretty fun, to go back and look at how far he had come since being such a small and maleficent entity of evil.

Until he found the empty space.

He'd been watching himself get progressively younger and younger, and knew in the back of his mind that he was drawing ever nearer to the image of his _**twin**_. He was simply enjoying the hurricane of malevolent memories before he would inevitably be sent spiralling down into hate-fueled rage at the sight of his _**brother**_. He was prepared for it. Fully prepared for his good mood to be soured yet again by _**his**_ intruding presence.

So when he was greeted with a blank page he was a bit caught off guard. He inspected the page, and it looked like until just recently a photo had been resting here same as all the rest.

Black Hat quickly skimmed the remaining pages and didn't find his brother in any of them. Usually this would be rather pleasing, as the absence of _**him**_ tended to be. Not as in Him the devil with the pink fringe, that guy was ok. _**Him**_ as in the annoyingly self-righteous being Black Hat had the misfortune of being so closely related to.

Where the fuck was that picture?

Wait...Flug had had the book last…

 **HE.**

 **HAD.**

 **NOT.**

He better not have.

As Black Hat stood on trembling legs that were just _itching_ to go full sprint to the cot where his injured excuse of a doctor lay, he hoped that Flug had not been so stupid as to try and take something of Black Hats and hide it.

Because if he had been, Black Hat couldn't be held responsible for what he was going to do to him.

* * *

The laughter started not too long after Demencia left the room. It was terrifying, both because Black Hat was a full three stories above the laboratory yet still clearly audible and because even from his office he could still cause the furniture in the entire manor to shake with his cackling. It was going to take 5.0.5. _days_ to set everything back in its proper place.

As scary as it was, hearing Black Hat laugh like he was just in the other room when he was behind multiple locked doors and not even on the same floor, it was a tad bit reassuring to Dr. Flug. If Black Hat was laughing, he must not be angry anymore, right? He must've been satisfied with his returned photo album and was now torturing one of their unfortunate "guests" to improve his mood. The darker part of Flug's mind hoped it was a child, Black Hat was particularly fond of their screams of pain and they never failed to bring a pleased predatory grin to his face.

It was sickening, but better them than Flug himself, he reasoned.

Once the ruckus died down, Dr. Flug and his creation reasoned that it was safe to move. 5.0.5. helped the doctor to stand and tried to lead him to his seldom used bedroom. Flug waved him off, insisting he take him to his usual work desk. 5.0.5. tried to argue about it, probably trying to say that his dear creator needed rest, but Flug knew better. He had already been in that cot for...who knew how long? The best thing he could do would be to just continue his work as usual. So that if Black Hat's mood decided to do another 180 he at least wouldn't be punished for wasting time slacking off.

Even if he did probably need some proper medical care beyond what a giant teddy bear could provide.

As far as the captive doctor was concerned, he was walking on buttered eggshells on an oil-slicked ice rink on a boat in a storm while his leg was in a cast. One wrong move and he was probably going to get his neck broken.

Of course, with Black Hat, Flug would most likely not be so lucky as to die from something so quick and easy.

So he resolved that his best course of action was to continue with his work as if nothing had happened. Pretend he never found that chest, those albums, or that picture of Black Hat and his-

You know what? He was just going to forget he'd even seen that. Yep. He was totally _not_ thinking of how adorable Black Hat and his secret brother were as kids. Or about his boss in an oversized red turtleneck. Oh God, even as an adult he'd probably look strangely cute wearing such a thing. Not as serious or intimidating.

Yeah, Demencia was rubbing off on him in a _horrible_ way.

Dr. Flug shook his head. He needed to clear his mind of things like that. Things like Black Hat in a comfy sweater doing normal things like drinking cocoa with little skull marshmallows by the fireplace OH HOLY FUCK THAT WAS THE STUFF OF CHRISTMAS CARDS!

If he wasn't so terrified of his boss, he'd pitch this idea to him for a photo shoot once the holidays rolled around. Evil Christmas Cards. They could have bugs planted in them, or sneak nanoids into unsuspecting people's homes, or emit a frequency so high pitched it made people's ears bleed.

Or they could just explode. Yeah, that's probably be satisfactory enough.

You know, that wasn't a terribly awful idea. It could even be a seasonal thing!

Dr. Flug began sketching out his ideas, trying to figure out the logistics of fitting such high grade technology into such a small dimension as a holiday card. It couldn't be too heavy or bulky, it should look as ordinary an unsuspecting as any other card available in a local corner store.

And hey, they didn't have to strictly be Christmas cards. They could have cards for every holiday and occasion! _Happy Birthday, Hope you have a Blast!_ _ **BOOM!**_

Flug snickered. That was so lame.

Then he got a chill. Like the temperature had suddenly dropped by a few degrees. He could see a wispy cloud emit from under his bag as he exhaled and shivered. 5.0.5. whimpered and fled the lab. Probably off to start on setting the manor back in order. Smart. Go do something useful. Like Flug was trying to do.

Maybe then Black Hat wouldn't hurt him as badly.

He heard the tap of expensive dress shoes on the tiled laboratory floor. He was pretty sure Black Hat did this just to add to his terror. Black Hat could materialize anywhere he wanted, sp why he bothered walking anywhere at all was probably for the sake of drama.

He was coming closer, letting his footsteps echo in the lab. Dr. Flug wasn't sure if he should keep working or not, it probably wasn't a good idea to just ignore his boss. It wouldn't make him go away it would just make him angrier and he was definitely angry right now. Why else would he be here? He found out. He knew the picture was gone and Flug was the last one to have had it so where else could it be but with him? Dr. Flug's breathing was shallow and strained and he hoped his fear was pleasing enough that the monster might allow him to continue living under his roof so long as he kept producing it. He always seemed to enjoy tormenting Flug whether it was with physical violence or things like this. Things like his mere footsteps had become synonymous with fear and pain. One should want nothing of pain but to wish that it would stop. The pain in his guts had not fully stopped and Black Hat would most likely take advantage and worsen it until he broke down and told him where that picture was.

Flug turned his head to find his boss standing a few feet away, a rather forced smile on his face. It did nothing to obscure the demented look in his eye, if anything it brought more attention to it.

"S-sir." He said through terrified gasps.

"Flug." His boss responded cordially enough. "What are you working on?"

"I, uh, I had this idea of planting bombs in holiday cards. Or bugs. I thought it could be a sort of seasonal thing, like we make cards for every occasion. I-"

"Pathetic."

Dr. Flug hung his head. Well, Black Hat hated the idea. So much for working hard to keep him happy. Or whatever passed for happy in this godforsaken-

"But it could be quite marketable." Black Hat said, a gloved digit tapping his chin. "You humans and your ridiculous holiday celebrations. There are a fair enough number of weak villains enamoured with the calendar to possibly turn a profit on the miserable ordeal."

"Th-thank you, sir." Dr. Flug sat up a little straighter in his chair.

Ok, ok that was a good sign. Flug potentially came up with something profitable. Nice! Now he'd just get back to it, make sure it was actually a solid idea that would make his boss money, and they could settle back into the day-to-day strife of Dr. Flug's daily life. Just turn back around and-

"Oh, and Dr. Flug? One more thing." Black Hat said, shattering any hopes of the doctor's that this was going to be simple. The doctor turned and was swiftly punched in the stomach. He coughed up blood.

"Where's that picture you found earlier?" Black Hat asked in a honey-sweet voice laced with cyanide. Dr. Flug saw the world turn black as he lost consciousness.

Dr. Flug awoke feeling cold. And heavy. Like his limbs weighted too much for him to be able to lift them. Or maybe he was strapped down to something, which seemed likely once he remembered what had happened before he blacked out. He struggled to make out his surroundings, being blinded by a harsh white light shining right in his face and his sight impaired by the loss of his goggles.

Flug managed to turn his head from side to side, deducing that he was laying on a metal table, which explained the chill he felt. He couldn't see any more of his body or the room he found himself in but assumed himself to be restrained in some way and awaiting some horrible punishment. His lab coat was gone.

He wondered what hellish things Black Hat had planned for him. He was sure it would be painful, more painful than anything he had experienced thus far. And probably last for hours on end, if not days. And was probably worse than anything Dr. Flug could ever imagine, making speculation pointless. Black Hat would make his worst fears seem like something from a kids cartoon.

A heavy metal door was opened from somewhere in the room. Somewhere Dr. Flug couldn't see. The familiar sound of dress shoes on concrete told him that he was somewhere in the labyrinth of a basement below Black Hat Manor. For all Flug knew, it stretched out under all of Hatsville.

Dr. Flug tried to stifle the sob that ran through him as Black Hat approached. He was afraid, afraid and helpless and completely bare before one who would kill him without hesitation or the slightest sliver of remorse. Funny thing, to be at the mercy of a merciless being.

"You know Flug, I'm constantly having to remind myself how fragile your primitive human body truly is." Dr. Flug flinched as he felt something sharp run down his bare chest. How much of him was exposed? He didn't know and his lack of knowledge of the situation only served to increase his torment. He wasn't sure he even _wanted_ to know how much of him was laid bare before Black Hat like an unappetizing Thanksgiving turkey.

"I think I might've done some rather serious damage here." Black Hat pressed down onto Dr. Flug's stomach hard, making his vision swim with black dots from the pain and threatened to make him pass out again. He fought to keep his mouth shut, Black Hat had said many times that while he enjoyed his screams, his pathetic whimpers and whines were just plain aggravating.

It seemed like Flug's life was just a constant cycle of trying to please Black Hat. And he failed at nearly every turn.

"Do you know why you're here?" Black Hat asked, his tone still maddeningly conversational.

Dr. Flug hesitated. Should he play dumb? No, Black Hat already knew that the picture was gone, he would just be making things worse for himself. But what could he say?

Black Hat wrapped around Flug's throat. Even one-handed he was strong enough to cut off his entire air supply. "Answer the question, Flug." His tone was dead serious. If he wanted to, Flug was sure he could kill him with just words.

"Y-yes." He managed to say.

"And why are you here?"

"P-p-pic-t-ture?"

"Very good, doctor." Black Hat released his grip on the human's throat. "And where is that horrid little picture? Because it wasn't where it was supposed to be."

Dr. Flug panted heavily. What should he say? What _could_ he say? Was he really going to lie to _Black Hat_? For _Demencia_? Black Hat was bound to find out eventually that she had it, so what could Flug really do about it? Could he really feign ignorance? Was there actually any possible way for things to get worse than being laid bare and defenseless before Black Hat?

"Flug," Black Hat grabbed the human by the face, his talons cutting into his cheeks and drawing blood droplets. "What did you do with the picture?"

"I-I didn't-"

"Don't you dare lie to me Flug." Black Hat's voice was even, but that almost made it worse. Flug would almost wish he would scream and yell, at least then the tension wouldn't be so thick that you could cut it with a knife.

"I-I-I, never...I'd never...never lie to you," Flug managed to wheeze out. He could feel tears begin to stream down his face. He felt pathetic and worthless and like he might want Black Hat to just kill him now. Just put an end to this unceasing torment he forced him to life through. "I swear."

Black Hat released Flug's face and moved that offending light out of the way. Flug could now see him, and while he was still pissed beyond belief he was keeping it together.

"Then," Black Hat leaned in close, so much so that their faces were mere centimeters apart. "Where. Is. That. Picture?"

"I don't know."

"You _don't know_?!" Black Hat shrieked. "What the fuck do you mean _you don't know_?!"

"I don't know where it is." Flug said, already bracing himself both mentally and physically. An involuntary reaction, and one that was utterly useless.

Black Hat sneered at him, and Dr. Flug felt something puncture his chest cavity. He gasped and did everything in his meager human power to fight back his scream. He held it in his throat and forced it back down.

"Think. Flug." Black Hat said between sharp clenched teeth as he slowly dragged his talon down the middle of Flug's body. "Where. Is. It?"

"I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I SWEAR TO YOU I DON'T KNOW!" He screamed in agony. So much for holding it in. 'I SWEAR I SWEAR I DON'T-" His words broke off in a choked broken mess of coughed up blood. Black Hat had torn his entire front open. He could feel the flesh of his torso splitting and being held open. And yet he was not dead or even unconscious. Perhaps Black Hat's dark magic was being used to ensure he suffered for as long as possible.

"Mmm, your organs are failing you." Black Hat said casually. As if he hadn't just ripped the man before him apart. All Flug could do was weakly gasp and sputter out some blood. "How painful is it when I do _this_?"

Dr. Flug had no idea what Black Hat had just done but it was the most excruciating thing he'd ever felt in his life. He tried to scream but all that came out was a strangled cry as he choked on his own blood. Black Hat seemed satisfied with that response.

"And you still claim you don't know where that infernal picture is?" Flug nodded, or made his best attempt to nod. "I don't believe you."

Dr. Flug wanted to cry. But he already _was_ crying. What more was needed to prove that he really didn't know where the picture of Black Hat and his brother was? What would convince him that his doctor was truly oblivious to its location? What did he need to do?

Whatever it was Black Hat wanted to hear from him, Flug better say it fast because Black Hat was doing whatever it was he had done before only he was doing it harder and in multiple places and it felt like his body was going to be ripped apart from the inside out and he'd be forced to feel it as it was happening and Black Hat would just keep tearing into him until there physically wasn't anything left to destroy and dear God please something, anything, anything at all to make it stop! To make him stop! He'd tell him! He'd tell him! He'd tell him if he could but his voice wasn't working so how was he supposed to give him what he wanted when he couldn't get the words out!?

He was trying to talk, he was trying! He couldn't make words, all he could do was sob and scream as he felt his organs being manhandled. At some point it stopped, or lessened at least. He was still in agony but it wasn't escalating at the same rate. Dr. Flug struggled to make out the figure before him, trying to blink the tears out of his eyes.

Words were said, but he couldn't make them out. He barely felt the slap across his face. He was going numb. He was going stiff. He was going lifeless. He was dying.

Until he wasn't. Until the pain shot back through his system and made him clench his teeth as he tried to bear it and he felt his bones and muscles shift and move and he heard strange noises that really shouldn't be coming from his body. He coughed out more of his own blood, his throat feeling rough but like speech was a more feasible task.

"I'm going to open you up again." Black Hat said above him. Oh God please no. Please please _please_ no! "I'll do it as many times as it takes, and I'll make sure it gets worse for you every time." Please please Lord he didn't know where it was he didn't know where she took it he didn't know where she went _he didn't know where it was_!

"We can do this however long we need to," Black Hat continued in that same calm voice, as if he was lecturing a disobedient child that was becoming a slight nuisance to him. "Until you tell me where it is."

"I don't know I don't know I don't know," Dr. Flug repeated, already knowing that wasn't the right answer. Even if it was the truth, it wasn't what Black Hat wanted to hear and that meant he'd be punished. "M-Maybe it's in the library still?"

A pause. "The library?" Black Hat asked, clearly surprised.

"M-Ma-Maybe it got kno-knocked out of the book? W-When you started beating me before?" Please believe it please believe it it sounded fairly plausible so _please please please_ believe that it might've actually happened.

Dr. Flug couldn't see Black Hat, but he hoped from the long pause and the lack of malice in the air that Black Hat was considering the possibility. It sounded like something that could've happened; Dr. Flug had the book open to that page, Black Hat had thrown him against a bookcase while it was still in his hands, it could've gotten knocked loose and fell out in all the commotion and neither of them really took notice.

"That sounds like you're guessing." Black Hat said after some time had passed.

"I s-swear to you, Lord Black Hat, I don't know where it is." Dr. Flug said through sobs. "Th-That's the only place I can think of it could be. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm-"

"Shut up."

Flug shut up. He shut his mouth right up and made himself as quiet as possible. His haggard, panting breaths still sounded far too loud. He desperately wanted to ask why. Why all this over a photo? Why all this over a secret twin Black Hat didn't want anyone to know he had? Why why why why why?

Dr. Flug was lifted up off the table and tossed none to gently onto his...bed? His messy, unkempt and unmade bed in the room he hardly ever used? He felt...ok, really. He was no longer in the throngs of agony and his stomach seemed to be back to normal.

Had Black Hat... _healed_ him? Was that a power Black Hat even had?

He looked up through still watering eyes at the monster, who wasn't happy but also wasn't removing his internal organs so that was a good sign. It seemed he was going over the events between them and was trying to determine whether or not Flug was indeed being truthful. If he truly didn't know the location of the photo as fact and could only give his best guess.

Black Hat fixed him with a disdainful glare, and said "You're grounded. Do not attempt to leave this room."

Then he walked out, locking the door behind him.

Dr. Flug collapsed on his bed, feeling his body go limp now that there was no immediate danger. Demencia owed him _big_ for that one. The next time he saw her, she better have a damn good reason for taking that photo.

* * *

Demencia could not leave the city limits of Hatsville. She knew this. She knew she was very much limited by the ankle monitor she wore as a sign of her complete devotion to Black Hat, showing her total loyalty by allowing him to dictate where she could and could not go and giving him the means to know where she was at any and all times. But while Hastville was not a sprawling metropolitan city, it was by no means a small little town with nothing interesting aside from the Black Hat manor at its geographical center.

There were a few minor villains who took up residence, a few who would order things from the catalogue and perhaps arrange a meeting for the sheer convenience of having such an accomplished being as Black Hat so near. Scheduling was a bitch and the waiting list stretched on for months, but none of that was ever Demencia's concern. First come, first serve losers!

Why was this relevant? Because while Demencia cared not for the other villains who wormed in on Black Hat's turf, she regularly had orders to scope them out and occasionally do some surveillance. It was almost a quarterly thing, seeing what pathetic excuses for villains had moved in and see if they were anyone worth doing business with.

She was never caught or captured. Not for long at least. Maybe once someone had managed to cuff her, but she got them off the second their back was turned.

At the moment, she was standing in front of the lime green home (like her hair, what a nice color!) of a certain man who prided himself on being a "master hacker". Master Hack was more like it, dork! She'd seen Flug doing hacky things before, and it seemed incredibly boring. She had no idea why he sweated so much over numbers and letters flying around on the computer screen, but it seemed that he got stuff done so she supposed there was something to gain from it.

She knocked out the first few notes to "Shave and a haircut" and was greeted by the overweight bald guy just barely opening the door enough to see her on his porch. His eye went wide as he recognized who she was. Everyone in Hatsville knew Black Hat and his employees, and _no one_ wanted to see them standing outside their house in full view of everyone in the middle of the day.

No one especially wanted to see the usually energetic and happy-go-lucky poster child of the Black Hat Organization looking sullen and serious while standing right in front of their house in full view of everyone in the middle of the day. Because when _Demencia_ got serious, things. Got. _**Bad**_.

For everyone else.

"I-I've made my payments in full." He said, his voice shaking.

"I'm not here for that, Baldy." Demencia said, not even bothering to try and remember what his name actually was. "I need to use your things."

"My things?"

"Your...computer things. I need them."

"Why does Lord Black Hat-"

Demencia kicked the door in, sending the fat ass to the floor. Oh God so many rolls of fat. So much sweat stink. So many old pizza grease stains. Even _Flug_ managed a shower every couple of days so why did _this one_ stink so bad when he _didn't_ work directly under Black Hat!? She reluctantly shut the door behind her as she stalked in, regretting that she'd be stuck in this smelly place with this smelly man having to smell his smelly smell until she got what she wanted.

She stepped on his chest, pinning the overweight guy who probably lived in his mom's basement for most of his life and only moved out cuz she died and he couldn't pay the rent.

"I'll make this simple," She said. "Show me how this stuff works so I can use it, or I'm taking it all and keeping it. I'm sure Flug will like going through all your little nerd things and using them for _his_ stuff."

That did it. If Demencia learned one thing about these nerd-types, it was that they were really touchy about their computer stuff. Flug was always going on about how she ruined his inventions and was messing with his work like he was some kind of _artiste_ having his creative vision disturbed. And as it turned out, most other geeks reacted the same when she started meddling with their things. Nothing got them to bend faster than when she threatened to take their things and give them to Flug to use and take credit for.

Nevermind that Flug never had any use for anything she brought him, he was leagues ahead of any of the lesser-nerds she shook down. But they didn't need to know that.

Baldy gritted his teeth but complied.

Demencia grinned. She didn't have a lot of time but with a genuine hacker nerd like this she was sure she'd pick it up and would have her answers lickity-split!


	4. Then Somebody Bends

Clearly Demencia had overestimated Baldy's basic skills in the world of computer science. She should've just stayed home and had Flug show her how this stuff worked. This overweight man-child moved _so slow_ and had to readjust his glasses every two minutes and stop for snack and drink breaks and use the bathroom and all the other things Flug saved for when he was done! Jeez, it had been _hours_ already and she still had no idea what this man was even typing, much less was she any closer to finding out about Black Hat's secret twin brother!

Maybe Demencia should stop using Flug as her basis for understanding nerds and their culture. Clearly there was a hierarchy and _this_ abomination was some low-tier bottom feeder. Flug was not at the top, at least not in Demencia's mind, but he was clearly above _this guy_.

Baldy was on another of his energy drink-breaks. Demencia missed the smell of a brewing pot of coffee, the stale scent of discarded junk food and whatever-energy-drinks-are-made-of made her want to plug her overly sensitive nose.

Not that that was anything special. This whole HOUSE made her want to clip a clothespin on her nose and then drown herself in Febreeze to ensure her corpse at least would smell nicer than the rest of this trash heap. And Flug thought _her room_ was messy.

If he was still alive when Demencia got back, she was going to a) compliment his technological skill without warning, and b) scream at him the next time he nagged her to clean her room. Because she threw away at least _some_ of her leftovers, and did not allow her foul back sweat to stain her chairs. Never mind the fact that the only thing close enough to chairs in her room were bean bags, they didn't have sweat stains so she didn't want to hear it!

Admittedly, it was probably going so slowly because Fat-Assimus, Lord of the Onion Rings, didn't really know what it was he was looking for. He was also a shit teacher only given an afternoon, so Demencia had little to no idea how she could search herself. And now it was well into the evening. She hoped no one had noticed she'd been gone all day. If Black Hat killed Flug, well, she was the only other person who even knew about this picture and she was the easiest person in the world for him to find. Well, 5.0.5. knew as well, maybe, but Demencia doubted Black Hat would start suspecting the cuddly blue bear to be keeping things from him.

She just had to hope that Flug would be able to think of something convincing enough to buy her some time to get even the littlest inkling of Black Hat's secret twin. Things like if anyone out in the world knew him, where he was, what he did, was he even on this same planet, things that required a bit more than a simple Google search to find legit info on.

If he was anything like his brother, he wouldn't just pop up from some basic search online. There was a reason the Black Hat Organization had an unlisted number, a deep web online store, an encrypted social media page on said dark web, multiple false addresses and coordinates, and no license plates on the company car, the company van, the company plane (which was out of commission for the moment), the company double-decker bus, the company quadracycle, or the company rowboat. Not even vanity plates.

Black Hat was a _genius_. He was a creature that knew how to play the world and win. He'd spent his entire known existence spreading chaos and villainy to multiple planets, dimensions, planes of existence, and mental realms. The only reason he even founded Black Hat Inc. had been boredom with the state of today's cannon-fodder heroes and the even worse excuse of today's villains. He really was benevolent deep down, he took pity on the poor unfortunate souls of the underworld and gave them a helping hand. For a price. They'd come flocking to his doorstep (Demencia included), and so he made himself as hard to locate as possible. Hell, if it wasn't by invitation it was practically impossible just to get past the wrought iron gate of the Black Hat Manor. But Demencia had her ways, of course. It was what had impressed Black Hat himself enough to let her move in.

Flug liked to tell the story a bit differently, but that was beside the point.

As Demencia wait for the next announcement that the little bit of information she had given her blading-ageing-bloating tech support had yielded no results yet again, she gazed at the pristine picture of her love in his youth.

God, he was gorgeous. Even as a child. A small, little, cutesy, adorable, pouty child. Everyone who'd actually seen him then must've know, he was going to be absolutely perfect when he grew up. She certainly could see it. That beautiful shape of his eye, the refined and regal facial features that hadn't quite lost their childish charm yet, the way that even then he still carried himself with an air of elegance and poise. She wondered what it had been like for him, growing up, living his life. Oh how she wished he would tell her! She wished he would tell her countless times over candlelit dinners about his life, about the things he'd experienced, random anecdotes of the past that made him smile and laugh. She wanted it all! She'd thought she'd known everything there was _to know_ about Black Hat, and having been proved very _very_ wrong, she needed to rectify it immediately.

Step 1: Find out about this brother no one knew about.

She wondered if he (the brother) could compare to Black Hat's natural good looks now. Sure, they seemed to be identical twins, but everyone knew that one twin was _always_ better looking than the other. It was just a fact. And as children, the honor of being The Cute One was definitely Black Hat's. Demencia tried to imagine the brother grown up, probably about as tall as Black Hat, maybe about the same build and weight give or take a few pounds, a face similar to Black Hat's but with the small subtle differences that were clear even as young children.

And he would be wearing...white? He had a white top hat with a blue band around it, which matched the rest of his color scheme. Black Hat had stuck with the black and red clothes he'd worn, although he'd become much more dignified in his attire.

So, maybe a white coat? Blue dress shirt, perhaps? She wanted to say white slacks, but those just seemed like such a spill hazard. Like, literally anything would stain them and it would be so very noticeable and couldn't really be covered up. What if he was fighting and got blood on him, the blood would mess up everything! Or if he got a cut and bled?

Wait...did Black Hat bleed?

Demencia grit her teeth at the realization that it had never even occurred to her that she didn't know if Black Hat bled or not. In her defense, nothing ever hurt him. He was too strong and powerful to be hurt by mere human creations! He didn't have a heart, at least not one that flower could take a hold of, did that mean he didn't have blood either?

"What is that?" A voice asked.

Demencia glanced up and saw Baldy, not working, looking at her and the picture in her hands. Luckily he couldn't actually see the picture so she didn't have to kill him for looking upon the faces of Adorable Black Hat and Cute Twin She Didn't Know the Name Of.

"None of your business!" She said with a hiss, hugging the photo close to her heart. Don't worry little hatted ones, Demencia would keep you safe.

"Well, what's that on the back?" Baldy asked, pointing at the thing.

Demencia scrunched up her face in confusion. _On the back?_ She flipped the thing around, making sure she covered the two demon boys so Baldy didn't get to see their splendor, and noticed that there was some weird writing or something on the back of the picture in black ink that had held up remarkably well.

Demencia studied the curving symbols, trying to match their shape to any letters of the alphabet she could. Ok, that looked a bit like an "e", that might've been a "f", maybe that over there was a "k"? There was some weird figure 8 or 3 or something in between the two main...words? It reminded her of that loopy thing Flug sometimes wrote that he said was something called an amp-of-sand or something weird like that. He said it was like another way of writing "and", for when he was too lazy to write out the actual word.

Hey...hey wait wait wait Demencia was getting something…

What if...what if that _was_ an amp-thing that was supposed to mean "and"?

This was on the back of a photo with two people in in. Would that mean that this meant to say "someone and someone"?

Was this...was this _Black Hat's actual name_?!

Demencia felt her breath catch in her throat. Black Hat's... _name_.

Oh of course she was aware that Black Hat was not Black Hat's real name. He was a being akin to a demon, an eldritch monstrosity, a Lovecraftian horror, the stuff nightmares have nightmares of. Of course his name wasn't in human english, silly fools. He was up and about before english even developed.

She also knew that when people said his name, they died. Or at least _someone_ died. It was one of Black hat's hundred-and-seven coolest facts, all of which Demencia could recite by heart. It was number 13.

And if that was Black Hat's name, then this must also have his brother's name! That must be the other one! Black Hat and...What's-His-Face!

But how was she supposed to know which was which?!

She flipped it back, trying to see if maybe the names were lined up with the two of them, or if since Black Hat was on the left his name was maybe written first? Seriously, how was she supposed to know what name went to which brother!? They even looked pretty similar, having the the majority of the symbols (letters?) in common. Well people liked to do that, give twins similar names. They thought it was cute. Was it really so far-fetched to find out that creatures from other dimensions thought so too?

"Baldy," She said in a dangerously non-happy voice. "Can you tell what this is?" She held the back of the picture up, covering the image with her hands in case he could somehow see it from behind.

"Uhh," He adjusted his glasses for probably the 100th time (seriously, just strap them to your head like Flug!). "It's...not english."

"Thank you, I already knew that." Demencia rolled her eyes. "What language is it?"

"I don't know, I'm not a linguist!" Wasn't that some type of food with lots of noodles?

It was close enough and Demencia was losing patience and time. Being gone for longer than a few hours would be suspicious, and she had already been out for way longer than she thought she would be. She told Flug she'd be back, but she never did give him any sort of time to expect her to return. She thought she'd be back by dinner, maybe late into the evening when even Dr. Flug caught some Z's at his work desk. She was really pushing her timeframe. She was known throughout the household as being a constant ball of energy and noise, always barging in and sneaking around and making her presence known. To be absent for hours was unlike her, and if she didn't get something soon she might be forced to go back before Black Hat noticed she'd been out.

"Well, can you copy it? Search it maybe?" Demencia asked, hoping she'd at least have something to show for her little excursion.

Baldy tried taking the picture out of her hands, but Demencia's warning hiss was all it took to have him draw his hands away and instead focus on copying the script by hand to his monitor and hitting the keys a few times. Something popped up, peering over Baldy's shoulder Demencia thought she saw the familiar Black Hat Organization logo along with a white-on-black logo of a top hat and something called the White Hat-

The monitors promptly went black. All the humming of the equipment stopped. Like everything simultaneously lost power. Then the monitors cracked. All five of them. All at the same time and with no outside force touching them. It couldn't be that they overloaded or something, the screens were all dark and nothing was even sparking. As far as Demencia had seen whenever the monitors got overloaded to the point of breaking on their own it involved lots of sparking and they got really hot.

"What the fuck?" Baldy whispered. It steadily grew louder the more he repeated it. "What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?! What the fuck?! WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?" He was scrambling all over his desks and checking all his things to try and figure out what went wrong. Did they get hacked-back? Did someone notice what they were doing and shut down all Baldy's stuff?

Demencia stood. "I think I'm done here." She turned and walked out while Baldy screamed at her to explain what the fuck just happened, why it happened, if his stuff would be ok, and asked her not to send Lord Black Hat over because he failed.

Well, that hadn't been as productive as she'd hoped, but she was ready to go now. She wanted to tell Flug what she'd found out let the Bag-Headed doctor himself take it from there.

* * *

Dr. Flug Slys was not a heavy sleeper. He also was a workaholic. So when he had been ordered to stay in his bedroom and remain there, he really didn't have much to do. Especially since every creak of the Manor set him on high alert, paranoid about being ripped from his room and back to that cold metal table so Black Hat could fondle his organs again.

He couldn't sleep, he couldn't work since everything was in the lab, most he could do was sketch out more blueprints of ongoing projects and past a certain point that wasn't enough for him.

He desperately wanted to go out and get back to work, that thing he pretty much existed to do now, but he wasn't going to risk Black Hat finding him out of his room when he expressly told him not to so much as attempt to leave. The only thing in his way was a locked door, which he should be able to unlock seeing as he was inside the room and that was just how locks worked, but he wasn't going to chance it.

As a matter of fact, he hadn't so much as _thought_ about leaving the room in hours. Everytime it threatened to come to mind he pushed the thought away and did something else. Like sketch out upgrades to the Hat-Botler. Or play online blackjack. Or curl up on his bed and try to get some sleep, since this was one of the few times he was actually ordered to be _in_ his room.

5.0.5. had knocked on the door once or thrice. Dr. Flug explained the situation to him as best he could (he was grounded), and sent the bear off. He thought at one point the bear might've brought him dinner, but he wasn't going to risk opening the door to see. He had a terrible fantasy of Black Hat tearing through 5.0.5. and eviscerating Dr. Flug for trying to disobey him. Which would suck because all Dr. Flug had been doing was trying to get whatever 5.0.5. made for dinner, not leave his room. What was it, Tuesday? Taco Night. _Damn_.

Maybe he should install a little slot in his door for meals like they have in prisons. It wouldn't get much use, as he was more often than not chained to his desk, but it would've been nice to have tonight.

Knocking.

"Fives, I'm still not coming to the door." Dr. Flug said from the bed, not even glancing up from his laptop screen. "I'm not supposed to leave, remember? I'm not even going _near_ the door just in case."

More knocking. This time with a bit more force.

"5.0.5., really, I'm ok in here. I have a bathroom and a few old water bottles. Why don't you go back to cleaning up? You haven't finished yet, have you?" Dr. Flug had all he needed for a night. If it looked like he'd be locked in here for longer, well, apparently Black Hat could heal him and prolong his suffering indefinitely, so he'd just ask the boss man about lowering his sentence after he starved or dehydrated.

More knocking. This time rapid and furious. Like someone in a life and death situation desperately needed him to open the door.

5.0.5. never did that. Not so silently. Not without scratching to be let in.

"D-Demencia? Is that you?" Dr. Flug called. Maybe she got back from...whatever it was she was doing? What was it she had said? That she had something she'd needed to do? What was it, make a million copies of kid Black Hat to post on her bedroom walls.

"Demencia if that's you...if this is some kind of prank, you picked a bad time. I'm grounded. I couldn't step out and fall for your tricks even if I wanted to."

This time the knocking sounded like someone was trying to break the door down. Dr. Flug forced himself not to look, he didn't want to see, he closed the laptop screen (couldn't focus on what he was doing) and held it tight against his chest. It was the closest thing to some comfort he could give himself.

"I can't leave." He whispered as if it would make the banging on his door stop. "I can't go out. I can't open the door. Black Hat said not to so much as try to leave. I'm staying right here. I'm not going near the door. I'm not touching the door. I'm not even _looking_ at the door. Might as well not be a door. No door. I can't leave. I can't leave. I can't leave." His whispered it over and over like a mantra to protect himself, rocking back and forth and shutting his eyes tight.

The banging stopped and Dr. Flug heard the door creak open on it's hinges. He dared to take a peak and there was Black Hat in the doorway. Not smiling but not frowning either. He looked more tired than anything else.

"S-Sir." Dr. Flug folded in on himself at the sight of the creature. The creature which rolled its eye and huffed at his cowardice. Not that it wasn't warranted, all things should fear Black Hat.

Black Hat glanced at the door. "You did well, refusing to so much as come to the door even if you wouldn't answer it regardless. I thought you might let me down. I was tempted to start screaming in their voices, but it seemed I didn't have to. I enjoy seeing you obey me so devoutly. I like how committed you can be to following my orders."

Flug tried to figure out what exactly he was supposed to say to that. "I-I-I-"

"Flug, calm down." Black Hat walked over and sat next to him on the bed. Dr. Flug tried to calm down but Black Hat being so close just made him want to panic even more. He tried relaxing his limbs, if anything that just made him feel more exposed and at risk but it wasn't as if his spindly noodle arms could protect him so what was even the point?

"You aren't calming down." Black Hat remarked. "I can taste your fear in the air."

"W-Well," Dr. Flug said with a nervous chuckle. "You ARE Lord Black Hat, the most evil creature to exist. I don't tend to feel calm in your presence."

The two of them locked eyes for a second, Black Hat looking extremely unamused. So Flug averted his gaze and played with fingers, wishing he still had his long rubber gloves.

It seemed as if both of them were waiting for the other to speak. Dr. Flug didn't know what Black Hat expected him to say; _Thanks for not killing me_. _I appreciate it. I partially lied to you, you know, that thing I swore I'd never do as you were playing Amatuer Surgeon with my body. So, about how long can I expect to be in unthinkable agony?_

"I'm sorry." He finally said.

"For?"

"Finding that...thing." Dr. Flug wasn't going to risk an outburst for the mere mention of what he had found. "I didn't know what was in there."

"Not an excuse." Black Hat said flatly.

"...Again, very sorry." Dr. Flug said nervously.

"Flug…" Black Hat said, leaning back to rest against the wall. "I have had a very... _taxing_ day today. I just want to go to sleep and forget this day ever so much as occurred. In order to do that, I need something from you."

 _He_ had a taxing day?!

"One," Black Hat said, raising his index finger. "I need you to never so much as _think_ about what you found today. Just in case it needs to be said, never mention it again under any circumstances."

Black Hat forced Dr. Flug to face him.

"Two, I need to you tell me where it is."

Dr. Flug felt all the blood drain from his face. "Sir I already told you-"

"You don't _know_ where it is? I believe you." Black Hat said, crawling closer to the fearful doctor. "After all we did today, I do believe you. But you know what else I believe? I believe you think yourself to be _smart_. In many ways, you are correct. You are inventive, a pioneer of the mechanical menace, a genius in the laboratory, an inspired engineer and an industrial prodigy. You're even halfway decent at lying. But, my dear excuse of a doctor,"

Black Hat swiftly moved his hand under the bag and grabbed him harshly by the face.

"Halfway is as far as you go."

Dr. Flug's head was swimming. On the one hand, Black Hat had never complimented him before. For _anything_. Everything he'd ever produced was met with scrutiny and deconstructive criticism regardless of its function. The closest he'd ever got to praise was much what Black Hat had to say about his christmas card idea, basically being "It sucks, but other people will probably eat it up". So to hear his boss calling him _inventive_ , _inspired_ , a _genius_ , a _pioneer_ , a _prodigy_ , it made him feel as if maybe he wasn't so worthless to him after all.

On the other, Black Hat was probably just too worn out to put any more effort into hurting him and would settle for the slow pain of Dr. Flug's own biology turning against him if he still insisted on keeping this damn picture from him.

"It was a bold move, the fact that I had you completely at my mercy and you truly thought you might die by my hand sold it all the more. It was even a convincing scenario, it conceivably could've happened. I'd like to think that if you were ever captured, as you might very well be seeing as you're one of the weakest beings in the entire manor and privy to some very classified information, you'd never reveal anything you knew. I'd like to think that if tortured, you do exact what you've done today; insist you know less than you do and when you're about to break, give something that can't be outright discredited because of its sheer plausibility. It's bought you some time and I know all too well that for a man like you, time can be all you need. Have you had enough time, Flug?"

Flug hesitantly nodded. Well, as much as he was able to with Black Hat holding his face as he was.

Black Hat drew their two faces close to each other. So close that they were literally monocle to goggles. Dr. Flug thought for an insane second that he was going to kiss him, then thought better of it. It'd be more likely that he bit his face off.

"I bet you felt very smart, telling me you didn't know where it was. But that was only a half-truth, now wasn't it?" Dr. Flug nodded. "You probably still don't know where it is, but one thing I'm sure you _do_ know is who has it."

Dr. Flug tried to look away, but there was simply no where else to look! Black Hat's gaze was staring holes into him and the doctor was sure that all it would take was one hit from his laser eye and Dr. Flug would be dead instantly. So much so that not even the man himself would be able to heal him.

"So, Dr. Flug, I'll make this incredibly easy. A simple yes or no question. You swore that you would never lie to me, and I'm willing to look past your little act of rebellion today if you do in fact tell the truth now. Are you ready?" Black Hat said this as if he was speaking to a small, stupid child. Dr. Flug nodded wordlessly nonetheless. "Good."

"Who has it, Flug?"

"D...Demencia." Dr. Flug admitted through chattering teeth. "She took it. I don't know where she went or what she did with it."

Black Hat sighed. "I was hoping you'd kept it from her and maybe hidden it with the bear. Would've been simpler. So much easier for all of us."

Dr. Flug licked his lips anxiously. He didn't quite follow what his dark foreboding overlord meant, but it didn't sound good for him. Or Demencia. Or even 5.0.5.

Black Hat let go and stared straight ahead, gazing off at Flug's messy unkempt room that was barely ever slept in and smelled heavily of dust. Dr. Flug had tried to dust a little with an old shirt earlier, but that hadn't done anything about the unused scent of the place.

"S-Sir?" Dr. Flug asked timidly. The dark skinned demon turned and the doctor lost all her nerve. "Ne-nevermind."

"What?"

"No, just forget it."

"What is it?"

"No no no, I decided I value the little bit of sanity I have left, as well as my limbs. I'm going to get right on forgetting everything about today. Starting now."

"Oh," Black Hat said in a bored voice. "You want to know _why_. Why all this fuss over a little old photograph, is that it?"

"It's obviously none of my business so-"

"Quite right, it _is_ none of your business." Black Hat said curtly. "It's none of Demencia's business either but now the both of you know."

Black Hat sighed again, he really did sound just 117% done with today. He stood up and walked out the door, saying as he left, "You're still grounded, don't leave this room until tomorrow morning." The door shut on its own as he stepped through.

Well, that could've gone better. But it also could've gone a hell of a lot worse so all in all, not too bad. Maybe Black Hat just didn't have any more energy to be angry today. So he was going to go to bed, recharge, and wake up tomorrow morning fresh and rested and ready to mangle their corpses with his pinky fingers.

Well, since Dr. Flug was still stuck in his room for the night, he might as well go back to what he had been doing earlier. He opened his laptop back up, entered in his password, got back to where he had been and THEN THERE WAS BANGING ON HIS WINDOW LORD BLACK HAT PLEASE WE JUST TALKED!

"Nerd!" A muffled voice called. "Stop looking at plane porn I need to tell you what I found!"

Oh god it was Demencia. Don't scare him like that!

Wait...

OH GOD IT WAS DEMENCIA! AND HE WAS NOT LOOKING AT PLANE PORN!

Dr. Flug quickly closed all his tabs, opened his window and promptly yanked her in before Black Hat realized she was back home and in his room.

"He knows you have it." He said hurriedly. "I think we fucking broke him by finding it, but he's still totally mad about it."

"Relax, I'll give it right back after you do one little thing."

"Well Black Hat already told me to forget all about it so I don't see how I can-"

"Do this first." Demencia said with a serious face. "Don't worry, it doesn't get hard until tomorrow."

Tomorrow was going to be even worse than today had been, wasn't it?

"And what is it you need me to do, O mad coworker of mine?"

"For now, I just need you to copy this down." Demencia showed him the back of the photo, where he hadn't noticed the strange script written in some fancy calligraphy.

"Oh, uh, sure, ok." Dr. Flug whipped out a pen and copied what was written to the best of his ability. "Now what?"

"That's it!" Demencia said. "Now I'll just give this back to Black Hat and we'll be done!"

"...Wait, really?"

"Yeah, I'll give it back, the boss can rest nice and easy having it safe and sound, and then tomorrow we search for his brother in earnest!"

"...WHAT!?" Dr. Flug shrieked. "You want to-"

"Shh, shh, shh," Demencia clamped a hand over the doctors mouth. "Now I know you're frazzled, but I made decent progress today and I'm pretty sure if we do this right we won't destroy all the computer stuff like what happened at Baldy's. By the way, you're a computer genius or whatever."

And now _DEMENCIA_ was complimenting his skills!?

"Don't give me that look, you'll return the favor when you hear what I found out."

Demencia removed her hand and Dr. Flug shakily replied. "Oh? And what did you find out that is so very important and helpful and progressive in the search for someone we didn't even know existed yesterday and is related to the greatest villain in history?"

"I got his name." Demencia proclaimed pridefully. "Or at least, his alias. Like how Black Hat isn't Black Hat's real name? I found out what his brother calls himself."

"And what is that?"

"White Hat." She beamed.


	5. Unexpectedly

In all honesty, he probably should've figured Black Hat's brother's name (or alias or whatever you wanted to call it) would be White Hat. Just from the picture of the two of them in their polarized top hats. Really, it was pretty obvious now that he thought about it.

To Dr. Flug's credit, he really didn't have time to consider things like that. He was too busy getting beaten, getting high on morphine, trying desperately not to think about that picture, getting tortured, getting grounded and trying desperately not to think about that picture again.

But...excuse or no excuse, this meant that Demencia had figured something out before him. And she expected to be praised accordingly.

"C'mon nerd! Say it! Say it!" She said from on top of him.

"For the glory of satan Demencia _go give back the picture_!" He cried from his position face down on the floor.

"I'm not leaving until you say it!" Demencia increased her grip on the doctors arms.

"Alright, alright, just get off me, I'll say it!"

"You think I'm falling for that again?" She asked with a scoff. "The last time you said that you choked me until I passed out!"

"Well you can't give the picture back if you're passed out now can you?" Dr. Flug said. "So I _can't_ choke you till you pass out. Now get off. I'll really say it this time, I promise."

Demencia, satisfied, released her hold on Dr. Flug. Dr. Flug promptly flipped the both of them over and put his co-worker in a chokehold before she could resist.

" _You promised!_ " Demencia sputtered, trying to slap at the doctor. As it was, he was hidden and protected by her massive mound of hair.

"I promised I would say you're smarter than me, I never promised I wouldn't choke you." Dr. Flug muttered, trying not to get hair in his mouth. "And for the record, you're not smarter than me."

" _Ack_! Jerk! Yokel! Rube! Plane pervert!"

Dr. Flug wasn't even going to justify that with a response. Or tell her that the proper term was aerosexual. WHICH HE WAS NOT! That was not something that he was! Just to clarify.

And don't ask how he knew that.

Demencia was growing limp, her arms didn't flail as much and she slumped down against him. Dr. Flug sighed. A promise is a promise. In the interest of getting things back to normal for a night, he better honor it.

"You're smarter than me." He mumbled. And he released her.

Demencia gasped as she sucked air back into her lungs, coughing and rubbing her neck. She glared at the doctor, who leaned back against his bed frame looking rather calm.

He was terrified of his Black Hat, as he should be, but Demencia? He could take her. Most of the time at least. There were times she got the drop on him, and she _was_ physically stronger, but the scientist had the greater advantage.

 _He_ was the smarter of the two.

"Now, go give the picture back."

Demencia stood up on shaky legs and let out a breathless laugh. " _You_ _said it_." She rasped in a sing-song voice.

Dr. Flug rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I said it. Now get out."

Demencia laughed a bit more, but she opened the door and walked out into the hall. Hopefully going straight to Black Hat's room to give that picture back.

She didn't shut the door. It was left open in the hall. That wasn't the way it usually opened, was it? Seemed odd, typically bedroom doors open inward. Which way had it opened for Black Hat?

Dr. Flug didn't want to leave it open and give the impression that _he'd_ opened it or made some attempt to leave the confines of his room, but he also didn't want to go over and close it and risk getting his prints on it, effective framing himself for it's opening.

Oh god even just looking out into the dark hallway was giving him bad vibes. Like Black Hat himself was watching him, waiting to see what he would do. Would he take the opportunity to go out, if only for a moment? If only if it was just an arm that left the room? If only it was just to shut the door and retreat back to his prison? Would he leave it open all night, remaining in his space like Black Hat had told him to even though the door was literally open and all he had to do was step out? He could almost feel his healed wounds oozing as his flesh crawled at the thought of Black Hat waiting and watching to see what he did.

"5.0.5.?" He called out. "Can you come over here for a minute?"

* * *

Black Hat did not need to sleep. On occasion, however, he would. It justified his luxurious bed and expansive bedroom. He didn't really have dreams, per se, what his kind experienced during sleep was more akin to visions. Dreamwalking, in a sense.

He also had suit-pajamas. They were made of black silk and lined with red satin, very light and comfortable really. His kind weren't really prone to tossing and turning while they slept, so he could put them on without fear of messing with his nighttime attire.

Black Hat felt...tired. Typically he did not experience fatigue of any kind, either physically or mentally. Today however, had been a fucking trainwreck of mental stress. He'd been doing emotional 180's for hours, the anger running through what passed for veins at the speed of sound until he managed to calm himself, just to be overtaken by another wave of unyielding rage.

Dr. Flug...Dr. Flug...why? Just...why? Why must you be so taxing?

Black Hat wasn't sure exactly when he would wake up, with his kind not having any real biological sleep cycle it was anyone's guess when he'd naturally arise again. Knowing his employees, he'd be woken sometime in the late morning to early afternoon. Either Flug would mess something up and cause some explosion, rousing Black Hat from his slumber, or Demencia would...well, be Demencia.

That was a decent enough amount of time. Hopefully he would be able to escape his problems long enough to wake with a clear mind and a clear view of what it was he was going to do about... _the situation_.

He wanted to punish Flug for what he had done. He already had; beat him, revoked his library privileges, tortured him, grounded him. But Black Hat still felt the urge to do _more_. Flug had not suffered enough. Not _nearly_ enough.

Black Hat wasn't going to kill Flug, the weakling was still useful (crucial, not that Black Hat would say it out loud) to his business. He could also not torture him for days on end or leave lasting damage because that would just cause more problems for his business. Put them days behind schedule and leave his scientist at less than optimal productivity. With death and days of unceasing torment both off the table, Black Hat was at a bit of a loss for what to do with the man.

As for Demencia...well, he had no shortage of ideas about what should be done with Demencia. He most likely wouldn't kill her outright, as big an annoyance as she was she too served a purpose. Black Hat did not look forward to having to find a replacement for her. Perhaps he was too used to her presence.

Knocking on his door. Speak of the devil…

"Black Hat!" She called out in her grating voice. "My darling _Bombon_!"

Black Hat pondered a bit. Should he just ignore her? No, she'll just stay out there all night. She's done it before. Should he start mutilating her now? But he just got in his suit-jamas, he didn't want to change again!

"What do you want?" He asked in a tone that curdled blood and stopped hearts.

No such luck. "I just want to give you your picture back!"

Wait...what?

Black Hat opened the door, Demencia barged in like she had been expected. Complimenting him on his suit-jamas and on the incense burning on the nightstand. She found it romantic.

Black Hat found it calming, until Demencia said something positive about it. Well, got to throw out all the incense now.

"Demencia," He prompted. "The photograph?"

"Oh right! Here ya go!" She held the thing out to him. Black Hat snatched it away and confirmed that it was the photograph of him and his _**brother**_. Well, at least it was back with him now.

"What did you _do_ with this?" He asked with a sneer.

"Nothing much. Just took it out with me." The insane hyper fangirl said with a bright smile. "Oh I know what you're thinking and don't you worry at all sweetie! I didn't show or tell anyone else about your brot-!"

Black Hat's teeth ripped into her throat. With little effort, he pulled back and took with him part of her esophagus and trachea. Demencia sputtered out a few bloody gasps, still smiling, before collapsing on the floor, bleeding profusely.

Black Hat licked his thin lips and wiped the blood off his chin. He then proceeded to kick her body over to the door. He got out his intercom and called for the Hat-Bots and the bear to come up to his room.

The robotic servants arrived first, swiftly cleaning up the blood. The bear took a bit longer than usual, he arrived just in time to see the bots attempting to clean up the blood as it poured from Demencia's gaping neck. The bear gasped in horror and looked at Black Hat with wide, fearful eyes.

"5.0.5." Black Hat said calmly. "Take Demencia to her room."

The bear nodded and picked up her mostly lifeless body, wincing in discomfort as she twitched and continued to bleed out onto his blue fur. He wordlessly carried her away, not glancing back once.

Black Hat sighed. When did the _bear_ become the most proactive member of the organization? Black Hat never had to worry about _him_.

Demencia would heal, it was her most useful and yet most irritating ability, but not instantly. She'd be fine eventually.

Black Hat glanced at the photograph still firm in his hand. It gave him some peace of mind to have it in his hand. He sat on his bed and just stared at it for some time. Thinking on all the trouble this little thing had caused him today.

The same could be said for his brother and his entire miserable existence.

The picture caught fire in his hand and he watched it burn. He watched his face and that of his brothers burn up and become little more than ash in the palm of his hand. He let loose a deep breath that he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.

There now, no chance of it ever bothering him again.

His employees could be dealt with tomorrow.

Black Hat laid in his bed, folding his arms neatly on his stomach, and closed his eyes.

 _He was somewhere that was vaguely familiar. Some obscure corner of the multiverse that he may have visited once or twice years ago that had not made an impression on him. Just enough for him to recognize it, not anywhere close to enough for him to clearly recall where it was._

 _Everything was disturbingly bright as well. It was a pain. Black Hat summoned a parasol from what little shadows there were and felt a bit better. It was so stark white, even though he seemed to be outside. Like there was just an unceasing light being shone into Black Hat's face making the world distorted and saturated. Everything was already white to begin with, so why the excess of light? How could anyone think with such a bland and blank color scheme?_

" _ **Black Hat?**_ "

 _Oh Lucifer even after so long he could still recognize that voice._

 _Black Hat reluctantly turned and saw him. And immediately fired his laser eye directly at his head. Which was dodged._

" _ **White Hat.**_ " _He growled._

" _ **Just like I remember,**_ " _His twin mused with a wide smile. Ugh, his smile was even more blinding than the scenery._

" _ **It's not enough I've had to think about you so often today, I can't even escape you in sleep?**_ " _Black Hat grumbled._

" _ **What?**_ " _His twin tilted his head like some confused kitten. It made Black Hat sick._

" _ **I guess I've just got you on my mind.**_ " _Black Hat admitted. He sat down on the curb and glanced around at the insufferable surroundings. It was too fucking bright. "_ _ **I saw that photo Mother made us take. Back when I still wore that turtleneck. You remember.**_ "

" _ **Yes, yes I remember.**_ " _White Hat said, beaming. "_ _ **The one time she didn't have to get between us for a picture. She used to tell that story all the time.**_ "

" _ **I've destroyed it.**_ "

" _ **Why?**_ " _Ugh, so predictable. Everyone always wanted to know_ why _. Why cause death and destruction? Why use others for personal gain? Why profit off the suffering of others? Why why why why why?!_

" _ **It was an eyesore.**_ " _He said. Almost as big an eyesore as this place. Seriously, it was physically painful to look at one thing for too long._

" _ **It was probably also a copy.**_ " _His twin pointed out. "_ _ **I'm sure Mother has the originals of all those old photos. I didn't know you even kept a few.**_ "

 _Black Hat let out a long and very clearly annoyed groan. Of-fucking-course._

" _ **Doesn't matter. I won't have to see it ever again.**_ "

 _White Hat sat down next to him, just outside the brim of the parasol. At least he wasn't visible anymore._

" _ **You're still mad, huh?**_ "

" _ **Eternally.**_ " _Black Hat growled out._

 _White Hat sighed. "_ _ **Brother, please. We're adults now. Are you really going to hold onto this for the rest of your life?**_ "

" _ **Just the rest of yours.**_ "

 _White Hat shook his head. Black Hat didn't even need to see it to know. "_ _ **I've actually been thinking of you recently as well.**_ "

" _ **Oh?**_ "

" _ **Yes.**_ " _White Hat said. "_ _ **I've just been wondering what my younger brother had been up to all these-**_ "

 _Both twins had their hands wrapped around each others throats, claws unsheathed. Admittedly, White Hat was doing it more out of defense than any real intention to do harm. Black Hat's monocle glowed red, and behind the two of them something caught fire. It was actually made the area a little darker, brought more color to it._

" _ **Amazing how quickly we fall back into our old habits.**_ " _White Hat remarked, insanely calm. "_ _ **You truly haven't changed at all.**_ "

" _ **Shut up.**_ "

 _Gradually, they both retracted their claws and pulled back, near perfect mirror images._

 _White Hat waved a hand and extinguished the fire. Black Hat huffed._

" _ **So, what have you been doing with your life?**_ " _White Hat was maddeningly cordial, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands neatly on his lap. "_ _ **Did you ever accomplish that whole 'world domination' thing you always talked about?**_ "

" _ **Many worlds over.**_ " _Black Hat gloated with a malicious grin. "_ _ **It was honestly kind of boring, how easy it was to subjugate so many species across the multiverse. How little resistance I came across. I became bored with the ease of so many conquests, so I've somewhat retired. I've still been keeping busy, though. I'm in the business of helping others now, believe it or not.**_ "

" _ **Oh Black Hat that's great news!**_ " _His happy expression made Black Hat want to vomit._

" _ **Yes, these days I give assistance to lesser villains and help them to defeat their pathetic archenemies. It's a very lucrative trade. I'm always expanding and forever broadening every horizon I come across.**_ "

" _ **That's...nice…**_ " _Ok, seeing his brother struggle to maintain his positive attitude around him was almost worth having to stomach his presence._

 _Almost._

" _ **And you? Are you still making our ancestors shift in their urns with that despicable 'hero' nonsense?**_ "

" _ **It's not nonsense, I'll have you know it's a rather honorable and fulfilling profession.**_ " _Ugh, so he_ was _still doing it. "_ _ **I'm sure if our ancestors could see me now, they'd see it for themselves and agree with my reasons.**_ "

" _ **You're such a deplorable *********.**_ " _Black Hat said, breaking into their native tongue. Their word didn't really have a direct translation in human language, the closest comparison would be something along the lines of what "demon" entailed. Demon got the point across fine enough, and the underdeveloped creatures were better off thinking them demons than trying to make up something more accurate. "_ _ **You have no respect for the ancient ways.**_ "

" _ **You must not either, seeing as we're both still here.**_ "

 _Black Hat snarled at his twin, but made no move to attack._

" _ **And anyway, I've stopped going out and fighting myself.**_ " _White Hat said. "_ _ **I suppose, like you, I also became...bored with my assured victories. I too now spend my time assisting my comrades in their own battles.**_ "

 _Well that was one thing they could agree on. There was no enjoyment in fighting a battle one already knows they'll win._

 _Which was why…_

 _Black Hat morphed the parasol into a sword and swung at his brother's head. Squinting, he could see that White Hat had blocked it with his arm. He was not untouched by the dark blade. His hand and a bit of his forearm were cut cleanly in half, leaking out a thick tar-like substance._

" _ **Have you ever considered wearing something that doesn't stain so noticeably?**_ " _Black Hat asked with an evil grin._

" _ **Yes, but you always hated it when we dressed alike.**_ " _White Hat said, removing the blade and healing himself at rapid speed. The stains disappeared magically. "_ _ **Have you ever considered that red only works for Earth mammals?**_ "

 _White Hat tried to plunge his hand into his brothers torso, only to be stopped by Black Hat's hand. The force of their contact shattered both of their fingers._

 _White Hat gazed at his mending digits. He huffed. "_ _ **Do we really have to fight? We've been doing this since we were in utero and it's gotten us nowhere.**_ "

" _ **We could've settled it then.**_ " _Black Hat said, already cracking his knuckles. "_ _ **We should've settled it then. But we didn't. And here we are.**_ "

" _ **Could've, should've, maybe so. But why must we continue?**_ " _White Hat rose up. "_ _ **Tell me that brother, what is the purpose?**_ "

" _ **The purpose is rectifying a wrong.**_ " _Black Hat said, peeking up at his twin from beneath the brim of his black top hat. "_ _ **You're the hero, isn't that what you're all about?**_ "

" _ **Holding on to pointless grudges is most definitely what you villains are all about.**_ "

 _The air shifted. The twins found themselves in a place with much more shade and color variety. White Hat squinted his eyes trying to see through the sudden change in the lighting. Black Hat stood up and admired the more familiar scene._

" _ **Ah, that's much better.**_ " _The villain purred. His brother struggled to make out where he was in the darkness. Well, it was dark to him. Black Hat was able to see perfectly._

" _ **Black Hat? Where is this?**_ "

" _ **The place where you finally meet your end.**_ " _Black Hat proclaimed, morphing his hand into a drill of swirling tentacles. "_ _ **By my hand!**_ "

Black Hat awoke before he was able to strike out at his twin brother. He grit his teeth in frustration. That hadn't helped _at all_. Black Hat never expected that when he went to sleep he'd just go waltzing into his _**brother's**_ consciousness. How was he supposed to know he was sleeping at that time?! What were the fucking odds of them both happening to sleep, something neither of them _needed_ to do, and they actually end up seeing each other? _What were the fucking odds?!_

Black Hat felt a migraine coming on. He covered his face with his hands.

What the fuck was he going to do now?

* * *

Dr. Flug cautiously tip-toed out of his bedroom. Black Hat told him he could leave in the morning, but he was still on edge. He hoped Demencia really had gone and given Black Hat his picture back. He also hoped that his boss had had a restful night. Maybe he'd been in a good mood? Well, a better mood? Dr. Flug wasn't asking for a miracle or anything, just a day of relative ease. Ok, maybe that _was_ asking for a bit much. What was something slightly more attainable?

Well, Dr. Flug could try and see if he couldn't get a pig a pilot's license.

The doctor chuckled lightly to himself. Yeah, there was probably a better chance of a swine flying than things ever going his way.

Dr. Flug made his way into the kitchen, starting his usual routine of brewing up a pot of coffee and putting two pop tarts in the toaster. Typically this was as big a breakfast as he managed unless 5.0.5. managed to wake up first and made pancakes. Dr. Flug would also probably skip lunch in favor of a light snack and work through dinner, only to heat up whatever was in the fridge.

He was then rudely shaken out of his peaceful morning ritual by Demencia running into the kitchen at full speed and crashing into the table.

"Flug-a-Bug! Just the geek I wanted to see!"

"Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee." He mumbled.

"You had some last night!"

"Actually no, I didn't." Dr. Flug snapped. "I didn't get to have my standard 9pm coffee because I was tortured for I don't even know how long, I can't keep time for shit anymore, and then I spent the rest of the night being grounded in my room too scared to leave!"

He stalked over to Demencia.

"So whatever it is you have to say, save it for later."

"But we need to get started now!" She insisted. "Now! While the boss is none the wiser!"

Oh God she was really serious about this wasn't she? Dr. Flug had hoped that she'd been kidding. Black Hat didn't seem to want them to so much as be aware of his siblings existence, so who knew what would happen if he found out they were actually trying to _find_ him?

"Why do you need _me_?" Dr. Flug whined. He just wanted to get his coffee and go. "Why do _I_ need to be involved? _I'm_ the one who's going to suffer for it! You can heal, you'll be fine! You do it!"

"Well for someone who got tortured by the boss, you're looking pretty damn good." Demencia pointed out. "And I can't do it myself, I don't know how all the computer shit works. So yeah, it's gotta be you."

"Does it though, does it _really_?"

"Yes, Plane-ophile, it does." Oh God were there no shortage of aerosexual jokes she had? That one wasn't even that good, she was running out of words to stick "plane" onto.

Dr. Flug sighed. "Fine. Fine fine fine. Whatever. I'm going to die here anyway, why should I put it off any longer? What are we doing today, you walking piece of pop art?"

"Go get that stuff you copied yesterday." Demencia then sprinted out of the kitchen like that actually meant something. Go get that weird script he'd copied? Well, ok, but what was he supposed to do with it? Just...bring it to the lab?

He had no other direction, so that was what he did. He took an unusual detour and doubled back to his room before heading to the lab, finding Demencia and 5.0.5. waiting for him.

"I got it," He announced. "What is it I'm supposed to do with it?"

"Just keep it secret. Keep it safe." Demencia said mysteriously. "Let's get to looking up White Hat!"

Dr. Flug compiled, hoping he could just do this real quick before Black Hat inevitably came in.


	6. Just a Little Change

"5.0.5., you keep watch." Dr. Flug told the bear. "If you see the boss, run right back here and let us know pronto."

The bear gave a small salute and left the laboratory. Good, now they would have a bit of a warning. Unless Black Hat just teleported in, as he liked to do. But Dr. Flug held out the hope that he wouldn't. He was hopeful that instead of popping in unannounced, he'd walk around and make sure his every footstep was loud and menacing.

If anything in this place could be counted on, it was Black Hat's flair for the dramatic.

Dr. Flug searched around the dark web all he could, looking for traces of this "White Hat" anywhere he could. Honestly, he just wasn't finding very much. He found bits and traces of blacked out receipts and possible online messages but nothing whole and nothing really conclusive about where he might be or what he might be like. There was something called the "White Hat Organization" that seemed promising but there was hardly any real information on it.

"What is that?!" Demencia exclaimed everytime Dr. Flug pulled up literally anything.

"Looks to be an old document about the purchase of a uranium substitute. Address is blacked out, as is the supplier."

"What does that mean?"

"Means we can't tell where it came from or where it went."

"Well that doesn't sound helpful."

"It's not."

"And that?!"

"An order invoice for...damn I can barely make it out. Hydrogen...something."

"And THAT!?"

"That's a pop up ad for Wendy's."

"This is not the time for affordable meal deals and snappy social media clapbacks, you Lesser Doctor Evil!"

"Um, excuse you," Dr. Flug said. "I am the Lesser No One. I am the Greater Doctor Nefarious and you know it."

"Wait, you're a robot? Is that why you wear that bag?"

"Well, no."

"Then you can't be Dr. Nefarious, you failure of a nerd!" Demencia gave him a noogie through the bag. "Turn in your badge!"

"Maybe I'm pre-robot Nefarious! Wait, why the hell would it matter if I'm not a robot? I can't be Dr. Evil either by that logic since I'm not bald!"

"How do you _know_ you're not bald!?"

"How would I- WHAT!? You know what? We're getting off track, I want to do as much as possible right now before Black Hat comes in and tortures us both."

"Fine fine." Demencia said, backing off to sit behind him.

"Now, where was I?" Dr. Flug mused, reaching into his lab coat nonchalantly. "Oh yes, ANNIHILATING YOU!" He whipped out a ray gun and fired twice at the lizard hybrid.

"AHHHH YOU SAID THE THING YOU SAID THE THING!" Demencia gleefully proclaimed, easily dodging the blasts. "Pretty decent impression, too Flugsy."

"Thank you, I do try."

"Not to actually annihilate anything, apparently."

"I built the thing, didn't I?" Dr. Flug asked as he continued his search.

A few minutes of silence went by before he spoke again. "So, from what I can piece together, it seems like maybe White Hat does the same sort of thing Black Hat does."

"Really?" Demencia perked up.

"Yeah, all these documents seem to point to him running a business similar to our own. The manufacture and distribution of weapons and goods."

"Well, ain't that one for the books?" Demencia said with a grin. "Twin brothers, separated for who knows how long, ending up in the same business."

"I've heard of things like that, actually." Dr. Flug said. "Of twins growing up into extremely similar people. I heard this one about these two twin men who ended up living in the same neighborhood, in the same sort of house, working the same kind of job, earning the same amount of money, having the same number of kids, a wife with the same name, and even the same sort of dog with the same name. And they never even knew!"

"That's...that's just freaky."

"Yeah, but isn't it also kind of amazing?" Dr. Flug asked. "I mean, two humans with nothing in common besides their genetic make up, still growing into similar people regardless of outside factors like their environment or individual personalities? How crazy is that?"

"Incredibly." Demencia said, bored. "But how will this help us _find_ White Hat? I'm pretty sure we'd know if a guy who looked exactly like Black Hat lived right down the street."

"Well," Dr. Flug said with a crack of his knuckles. "Maybe, if we go with the assumption that White Hat and Black Hat like things done in an inherently similar fashion, I can trace something back to where he might be."

"So you can find him?!" Demencia asked, practically jumping in her seat.

"If I can just find something that could potentially lead to an IP address- oh, maybe this?" Dr. Flug clicked on something, it seemed to be another ad but this one was for a sort of cell with a dampening field to cancel out people with superhuman abilities. And it had a white top hat logo on it!

Dr. Flug began typing hastily at his keyboard, Demencia giving him a curious glance before her eyes were locked on the screen, trying to make out what was going on with the rapidly shifting numbers and letters and tabs opening and closing and what in the heck was this guy doing?

"Uhh, Flug?"

"Shhh!" He hissed, not even breaking eye contact with the screen. Oh wow was he sweating through the bag? How was even physically possible?

"Is it...is it, like, working?"

"Be _quiet_ , Demencia." He said through clenched teeth. "I need to concentrate."

A few more tense moments of intense typing and there appeared a series of seemingly random numbers. "I've got it!" The doctor proclaimed loudly. "Now I just need to follow this and run through a few programs and I think I may be able to get a lock on it's source."

Demencia really had no idea what the man was doing or saying by this point but she understood that he'd done... _something_ , and if he was successful in this other thing he was going to do they'd find out where her beloved's brother may be.

And that made her happy.

Dr. Flug continued to punch in numbers and codes as Demencia watched on, half in awe at what she could only assume was a true computer hacker in his element (not like that Baldy), half in giddy anticipation of him being done and getting the answers she wanted.

"Ok, ok, I think I've almost...yes!" The doctor leaped up.

"You got him?"

"I'm in! I'm putting a beacon out to give us the coordinates and...yes! We'll have the location in a matter of hours!"

Demencia paused. _Hours?!_

"What the hell do you mean, hours!?" She yelled at him. "You said you were in!"

"I am! But White Hat's got a security system on par with what I set up for us. Believe me, this is actually going to be pretty quick compared to other systems I've hacked into. And I think that's because it's actually pretty similar to my programs, oddly enough. This'll only take about four hours, maybe five tops."

"You were the one who wanted to get this done quickly!" Demencia screamed. "It's already past noon! And now you say it's gonna take _five more hours_!?" She jumped up and got right in his bagged face. "You may be better than Baldy but you're still not good enough!"

As Dr. Flug tried to work out who the hell "Baldy" was, there was a sudden blaring of the alarm on his computer.

Oh shit. Had someone found them?

"Oh no no no no," Dr. Flug frantically typed at the keys again, his head switching between the monitor and the keyboard so fast he was probably gonna get whiplash.

"What? What?" Demencia asked, surprised by the sudden alarm and the shift in Dr. Flug's mood. He'd been a gloating ass not so much as a minute earlier.

"I think someone noticed what I was doing." Dr. Flug said, not stopping what he was doing at all. "I think they're breaking into our system now."

Oh damn what had they just done?

"Uh, shit, shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit _fuck_." Dr. Flug said. "I don't think I can pinpoint their location and keep them out at the same time."

"Sure you can, buddy." Demencia said, trying to be positive. "You're our awesome science man, Dr. Flug! Computers and machines and all that crap, that's your deal! You, you got this."

"No, Demencia, I don't think I do." He said. "This is an ultimatum. Whoever's doing this wants me to chose."

"Between?"

"Either keep them out of our system and lose the tracker, or we keep looking for where they are and let them in. I can't do both."

"So," Demencia said, trying to figure out the right thing to say. "So, we can't find White Hat unless...unless he find us too?"

"I…" the doctor trailed off, getting caught up either in his frenzied attempts to balance keeping their counter-hacker at bay and continue the search or in his thoughts of what to do. "I guess so. He'd certainly be able to if they got in."

"Couldn't you just, you know, get back in later?"

"No, we've been found out. We lose it, we aren't getting back unless we find another way in."

"And it took us forever just to find this one."

"Yeah. I'm sorry Dem, but we're just gonna have to drop it."

"Well…" The frustrated girl tried thinking of how to argue the point. She didn't want to just drop it when they seemed to be _so close_! "Isn't there something _else_ you could do? Knock this guy out of his socks so that you can keep going?"

"Oh, and how do you suggest I do _that_?"

"I don't know, do something big and flashy to distract him from this game of keyboard-mashing the two of you are doing! Maybe?"

"Hacking into the computer camera?"

"Would that do it?"

"No, I mean _is he hacking into our computer camera_?!"

It certainly seemed that that was what this guy was up to, judging by the trajectory he was taking. Well shit, if they made it in, they'd be able to see them. Hell, why _not_ hack their computer video feed right back? They'd both see who was on the other side of the screen. If they wanted to see who was trying to find them, Flug would make it a goddamn Skype call!

"Fuck it, I got nothing to lose aside from my life. Demencia, are you ready to see who we're dealing with?"

"Sure thing!" Demencia said, putting on her warface.

Dr. Flug completely flipped his actions and ignored the intrusion into his perfectly programmed computer network, as well as his tracker. He instead blazed through their video security unopposed and within seconds the screen pulled up video of whoever was on the other end of the line.

Dr. Flug looked up triumphantly to see who it was he was battling with-

Only for his face to completely fall as he saw who it was.

On the monitor was a man in a black coat and a red turtleneck wearing a paper bag and goggles strapped to his head, the lenses as wide in shock as his own. Next to him was a young woman with red bangs and large light blue ponytail poking out of a unicorn hoodie.

Dr. Flug turned his head to Demencia, to confirm that she was seeing the same thing he was. She looked just as confused and baffled as he felt. Dr. Flug also saw out of the corner of his eye that the figure wearing a paper bag on the screen had done the same to the woman in the hoodie.

What...what was going on here?! Had they stumbled on a mirror to a parallel dimension or something?!

Flug opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a small "Ahhhhhh," and he really didn't know what else there was he wanted to say, beyond maybe _Who are you people!?_

 _And by any chance do you work for someone by the name of White Hat?_

"Hello there," Said the woman in the unicorn hoodie, much to the surprise of the rest of them. It was just so... _casual_ and... _friendly_. Who speaks so nonchalantly to someone who just tried to break into your computer network and was actively trying to find out where you were?! Literally, the three of them all visibly jumped at it.

"Uh, hey?" Demencia said awkwardly back. "What's your name?"

"Clemen-"

"Don't tell them your name, you idiot!" The bagged figure said in a harsh voice.

"Slug, that's 25¢." The woman said. Clem-something. Clementine, maybe? And what did she mean by 25¢?

"Do...do you guys have a swear jar?" Dr. Flug asked. The other man wearing a paper bag, Slug, looked visibly angry at the mention of it.

"Look, who the hell are you people?" He demanded.

"That's a nickel." The woman said. What, for saying "hell"? Harsh swear jar.

"Shut up Clementia!" He said. "Who are you? How did you get past my security?"

"Clementia? That's like my name, Demencia!" Demencia proclaimed, earning more stunned stares at how blasé both women seemed to be with their parallel selves.

"Uh, Slug, was it? You wouldn't happen to be a doctor, would you?" Dr. Flug asked reluctantly.

"So what if I am?" He replied snobbishly. Dr. Flug inwardly cringed because this was just getting too weird. "I am Dr. Slug Syls. Are...are you a doctor as well?"

"Yes, Dr. Flug Slys."

Now the other man, Dr. Slug, looked like he was trying not to have a mental breakdown over what was he was seeing on his screen. Clementia and Demencia seemed confused, but not overly concerned with what was going on.

"Just...why were you trying to hack into our network?" Dr. Slug asked with a heavy sigh.

"And why do you look so much like us?" Clementia added.

"Well, I have no idea why the two of us look so similar to the two of you," Dr. Flug said as calmly as he was able. "But, well, uh, how should I say this? We-"

"We're looking for someone named White Hat!" Demencia interjected. "Is he your boss?!"

"Oh yes, White Hat is our boss!" Clementia declared cheerily.

"Clementia, I swear."

"What?"

"WE FOUND HIM!" Demencia cheered. "WE FOUND HIM!"

"Demencia, we found our doppelgangers."

"Who work for him! Oh, do you guys have a bear too!?"

"How do you know about 6.0.6.?!" Dr. Slug angrily demanded. "He is a creation of the highest classification!"

"Oh, well, we call ours 5.0.5." Demencia said with an evil grin. "I guess Flug made his bear-companion cube first."

Oh great, now Dr. Slug was giving him death glares. Just what he needed.

5.0.5. himself then burst into the lab, panicked and gesturing wildly back the way he came.

"Oh shit, Black Hat." Dr. Flug murmured.

"Wait, did you say _Black Hat_?" Dr. Slug asked. Dr. Flug could vaguely see some bear-like shape had come into view in the background.

"Uh, we'll be back when it's safe!" Dr. Flug said quickly before cutting the feed and rushing to cover his tracks and leave behind no evidence for Dr. Slug to trace back to their location from his end. He may work for his bosses brother, but he was still an unknown person who was surely not allowed to be poking through the company network.

Dr. Flug pulled up one of his ongoing projects and opened a bunch of tabs to a multitude of saved and related websites. And tried really hard to make it look like he'd been innocently working this entire time.

Demencia was giving Flug a curious look, like she expected him to tell her what to do now. He didn't know what she wanted from him, his best case scenario involved lying to Black Hat and trying to speak to Dr. Slug and Clementia again in secret until they figured out what was going on.

They both waited with baited breath for their boss to come in through the sterile laboratory doors.

* * *

Dr. Slug had worked for White Hat for...oh hell who knew how long it had been? Years, assuredly. And yet in all that time he never realized his annoyingly positive and humble "employer" (captor, more like) had a brother.

In all fairness, maybe Dr. Slug hadn't been paying attention. Actually listening to what White Hat said was not something the mad doctor was particularly fond of.

White Hat insisted that Slug take a few breaks every now and again, much to his protest. All he wanted was to just do his "job" until he collapsed from exhaustion and deal with everyone else as little as possible. He couldn't do either of those things if he were forced out of his laboratory for an hour or two each day.

Having nothing better to do, he resigned himself to the expansive library of the White Hat Estate, one of the few places outside his laboratory where he found a bit of solitude. He didn't come in all that often, but he figured that he'd rather stay in and read than going tiptoeing through the tulips with Clementia. Honestly, that girl. What would it take to dampen her mood?

Well, apparently coming across a secret twin brother neither of them knew he had was enough to do it.

"Oh wow, Dr. Slug, I haven't seen this in _ages_!" White Hat said, materializing next to the doctor out of thin air and making him almost jump out of his skin. When would he learn that Dr. Slug absolutely _hated_ when he did that?!

The thing in question that White Hat hadn't seen in ages was a small faded photograph of him in his apparent youth (also a huge surprise, White Hat had been a child at some point?) holding hands with a very tall and very elegantly dressed woman who had another boy on her opposite side who looked eerily similar to White Hat, except he was dressed in black and red rather than white and blue.

The hero plucked the picture out of the doctors hands and admired it, a wide smile on his face. "I forgot I even had this." He said to himself.

It took Dr. Slug a few moments to be able to form words again. "Wh...White Hat?"

"Hmmm?"

"Who...who are these people?"

"Oh, well, that's my mother," White Hat pointed to the woman in the center. "That's my brother, and that's me." He pointed to the children on either side of their mother.

"You have a brother?" Dr. Slug asked, dumbfounded.

"Oh yes, Black Hat, I never mentioned him before?"

"No, no you didn't."

"Oh, my bad. I have a twin brother." White Hat stated, like it was just some small thing he forgot to mention, like having a fruit cellar or an attic crawlspace.

Dr. Slug just kind of stared at White Hat for a minute. How on earth does one _forget_ to mention they have a twin brother?! Granted, it probably just never came up, but this was the first instance Slug was aware of that White Hat had any family _at all_. He had a _brother_? A _twin brother_? Hell, he had a _mom_?! He had _parents_?!

"Dr. Slug, are you feeling alright?" White Hat asked. "You seem oddly quiet."

"I'm just...trying to stop my brain from exploding. I'm sorry, you're a twin?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Did this really just never come up before now? I feel like I would remember hearing about a twin brother of yours."

"I guess so." White Hat said. "Funny, I thought I would've mentioned him by now."

"Does Clementia know?" Oh Dr. Slug swore, if it turned out that she had know all this time…

"Well, you didn't, so I doubt she would. Oh, do you think she'll be upset I didn't tell her sooner? You know how she can get."

It was true, the whole reason Clementia had petitioned to join the organization in the first place was because she was such a huge fan of White Hat, borderline obsessive almost. Finding out there was a sibling, no an entire _family_ she hadn't known about might make her a bit...upset.

"Maybe...you should just keep it from her?" Dr. Slug suggested. "To spare her feelings, you know?"

"Oh, Dr. Slug, it would just make it worse if it didn't come from me."

"Yeah, yeah, but in all honesty, your family is your business. You don't have any obligation to tell anyone." Dr. Slug said slyly. "And the truth is that it just never came up before, right? It's not as if you were hiding it from her on purpose. It was just something that wasn't all that important. And really, what does it matter if you have a brother or not?"

"Well, it seemed to matter to you." White Hat pointed out.

Damn, he was catching on. "Oh, I was just surprised. I didn't even know you were something that grew up. I kind of figured you had just popped into being or whatever and could look like whatever age you wanted. But really, I'm over it now. So, you've got a brother. Big deal. Lots of people have brothers."

"Right," White Hat said, seeming to buy into it more.

"Yeah it's kind of odd that you never once mentioned him, but it's not as though you've done anything wrong by not telling us. We're just your employees, we aren't owed any information about your personal life or family. Not really our business to begin with, is it?"

And so, White Hat agreed that he'd hold off on telling Clementia, at least until he could figure out a way to work it into a conversation more naturally. He still felt a bit bad that he was keeping something like his family from her now that he remembered that she didn't know, but agreed that given he was kind of Clementia's personal hero, he should really be the one to tell her and it should be told as delicately as possible.

Dr. Slug asked if it would be alright it he went back to the lab to continue working, White Hat said that was fine and he would be in his office. Once back in his favorite space, Dr. Slug found Clementia tending to a few of the botanical experiments the doctor was working on along with 6.0.6., who seemed incredibly bored.

"Hey, Clementia." He said with a malicious smile and a faux-pleasant tone in his voice. "You want to hear a something really cool?"

Not 30 minutes later White Hat burst in whining about how Clementia had just ran into his office in tears asking why he had kept his brother a secret from her. Asking her if he didn't trust her for some reason, or if she had done something that made her somehow unworthy of the knowledge.

"Oh, gee, I'm sorry _sir_." Dr. Slug always called White Hat "sir" sarcastically. "It just slipped out. My bad."

"Oh, that's ok Dr. Slug," The fucking moron said. "At least we didn't keep it from her too long. That might've really devastated her."

"Yes...at least..." Damn, perhaps Dr. Slug was too hasty. Now all he could think about was telling Clementia that he'd known about this "Black Hat" character for _weeks_ , and how heartbroken she would've been that White Hat had told Slug and not her.

Hmmm, she wasn't all that smart, maybe he could convince her he _had_ actually known for some time now?

Anyway, all that had been a day or so ago. White Hat had slept last night, as he did fairly often. Dr. Slug wasn't sure _why_ he slept when White Hat himself admitted he didn't really have any need to. If Slug didn't have to sleep, he sure wouldn't. It was just a waste of precious time that could be spent doing something productive. Like plotting his eventual escape.

Dr. Slug and Clementia were in the lab when it occurred to them that it was almost the afternoon and White Hat still hadn't popped in obnoxiously. Which was fine by Slug, as he hated the hero butting in on his workspace, but Clementia was getting a bit worried that they still hadn't so much as seen him yet. He was probably still sleeping, Slug figured. He sent 6.0.6. to go wake the lazy bastard up, mainly just to stop Clem's incessant whining. The bear wasn't any fonder of their "leader" than it's maker was, and would probably take it's sweet ass time rousing him. Maybe 6.0.6. would slap him awake, wouldn't that be hilarious? It certainly brought an evil grin to Slug's face.

Dr. Slug and Clementia were just minding their own business when the computer monitor lit up, alerting them of a security breach. Now who would _dare_ to trespass in Dr. Slug's sacred space of computer science?! He may not _enjoy_ his job, but damn if he didn't take some pride in his work! He couldn't just allow some lesser computer hacker make him look bad by infiltrating _his_ system and making off with any of _his_ designs!

On closer inspection, it seemed that whoever it was was more focused on pinpointing their location rather than going through any of the files. And they were actually pretty smart about it, they only got caught because of how paranoid Dr. Slug was with all his equipment. It was a delicate system, anyone unfamiliar with his specific style would inevitably trip up _something_ and give themselves away.

Nevertheless, Slug couldn't allow anyone to make a fool out of him. Regardless of whether he actually _wanted_ to protect the White Hat Organization or not, he had his pride as it's chief (only) scientist to uphold. He wouldn't let anyone show him up.

"Slug, what are you doing?!" Clementia asked worriedly. "Are you getting the intruder out of our computer?"

"Not quite." He said with a diabolically grin under his bag. "I'm going into theirs."

"What?! So you're just letting them find us?!"

"No, I'm forcing them to pick between them finding us, or us finding them. No one comes into _my laboratory_ and walks off with no consequences!"

"So, who is it? Can you tell who they are?"

"Don't know." Hey, there was an idea. "But why don't we find out?"

"What are you doing now?" Clementia asked.

"I'm hacking into the video uplink from their computer. We're gonna see exactly who it is trying to mess with us." Oh, it appeared whoever they were, they caught on rather quick. No matter, their attention was divided between keeping him from anything important and continuing their lock on their location. It wouldn't be enough to keep Dr. Slug at bay for long.

Or so he thought, until it seemed that whoever was counter-hacking them just gave up and let him burn past all their security measures. Oh, they were hacking their cameras link right back, were they? Well, fine! If it was a heads on confrontation they wanted, that was just what they were going to get!

Dr. Slug was all ready to start spewing profanity, and putting about his entire paycheck for the month in the swear jar, until he actually saw who it was on screen.

Some guy in a blue shirt with some dorky-ass plane design and a white lab coat, and...wearing a paper bag with goggles. And right next to him was a woman with red bangs and a long green ponytail coming out of a lizard or dragon hoodie. And they seemed to be in a laboratory of their own.

 _HUH?_

Dr. Slug didn't know what to do, his mind just kind of blanked on him. He turned to Clementia, to see if maybe he had actually gone crazy and was hallucinating strange dopplegangers of himself and Clem, but no, she seemed to be seeing exactly what he was. He was able to see his double looking at the lizard woman much as he was.

Okay this was just too much.

It turned out their names were Dr. _Flug_ (okay that was just _way_ too close for comfort) and _Demencia_ (who names someone after a mental illness?). And for some reason they were looking for White Hat, who Clementia (like an idiot) confirmed was their boss.

Clementia, please, we don't know who these people are!

In the background, Dr. Slug could faintly see some kind of blue creature burst in in a state of frenzied panic. It was too far away for him to make out many details and his attention was soon stolen by 6.0.6. strolling in and motioning that White Hat would be along shortly.

Oh good, for once Dr. Slug was glad to hear it. White Hat may be an idealistic idiot, but he was still a hero who boasted (although he was always maddeningly modest about it) a perfect, undefeated record. Surely he would know what to do, right?

Then he heard his parallel self mutter "Oh shit, Black Hat." He almost blurted out that that would be a dollar in the swear jar until he realized that the guy wasn't even actually there and that he just said what sounded like the name of his _bosses twin brother_.

"Wait, did you say _Black Hat_?" Dr. Slug asked. Did these two work for this Black Hat? It kind of hit the doctor that he hadn't really asked White Hat at all about what his brother was actually like.

"Uh, we'll be back when it's safe!" Dr. Flug said, before cutting the connection and rapidly destroying any traces of his presence in their system. Leaving Dr. Slug and Clementia staring blankly at the screen, wondering what in the hell they just witnessed. Or rather, _heck_.

"Dr. Slug! Clementia!" White Hat called as he entered, a piece of french toast in his hand. "I have exciting news! I talked to my brother last night!" He declared with a wide smile. "And he only tried to kill me about three or four times! I think our relationship is really maturing!"

Then he caught sight of his employees staring in befuddlement at him in front of a blank computer screen, still as statues.

"What?" He asked. "Did I miss something?"


	7. Small to Say the Least

"My brother has employees!?" White Hat asked with a damn near gargantuan smile on his face. And an exceedingly higher pitched tone than usual. "That's amazing! I've never known him to keep living things on his own! Maybe he _has_ changed a bit."

Dr. Slug was concerned with how his boss phrased that. _Keep them_? Were humans just pets to these creatures? Was that how White Hat saw _them_? The doctor really wanted to get the whatever-exactly-he-was back on track.

Clementia had, to be frank, spilled the beans. Once the shock wore off, she filled White Hat in on everything that had transpired that morning. To be precise, she explained to the best of her frazzled ability their little run-in with Dr. Flug and Demencia. Which _thrilled_ White Hat to hear, as shown above. Who would've imagined anyone would be _happy_ to hear that their computer network was hacked into and the location of their secret base was nearly uncovered by persons unknown for reasons unknown? Dr. Slug had been mostly silent, not really knowing how on earth he was supposed to process all this new information. The most he'd said was merely backing up Clementia's series of events, correcting her when necessary, and blandly answering yes or no questions.

"And, you said they looked like the two of you?" White Hat asked for about the third time. Maybe he just couldn't believe it either.

"Yes,"

"Bag and goggles and all?"

"Yes,"

"Oh, but the doctor had a white lab coat on. And a blue shirt." Clementia interjected.

"Yeah,"

"And he apparently made his own version of 6.0.6.?"

"Uh huh,"

"But I think Demencia said theirs was called 5.0.5. Do you think he made his first?"

"Wait, is it really also a bear as well?"

"I believe she said that it was," Clementia said, thinking hard. "I saw something burst into the lab right before they cut the feed and kicked us out for good. You saw it too, right Slug?"

"Blue," He said blankly.

"Yes, I believe it was a light blue color."

"And you're sure he said 'Black Hat'?" White Hat asked.

"Sure," Slug said.

"As well as a very naughty word." Clementia added. "Worth one dollar in the swear jar."

 _Clem is that really what we're focused on right now?!_

"Well, assuming they do in fact work for my brother, I guess that's appropriate." White Hat said as he sipped from his herbal tea.

That was another thing. White Hat insisted they all eat together. Himself included. Even though he had confirmed that eating, like sleeping, was something he had no physiological need for. Why did he do it then?! Sure, it gave Slug an excuse to cheat on his long-standing diet, but it aggravated the human to no end that such a being with no purpose for doing these mundane things did so anyway! As a matter of fact, he made an effort to do them!

So, once he'd woken up (6.0.6. had in fact, slapped him awake, not that Dr. Slug could really enjoy it right now), he'd made them all adjourn to the dining room. Where they proceeded to tell him how their morning went, they needed stronger fertilizer for that rejuvenation plant they were working on, oh these scones were just lovely, and oh by the way HIS BROTHERS EMPLOYEES TRIED TO BREAK IN WHAT THE FUCK!?

And why had Dr. Flug seemed... _afraid_?

Not only had he said "Oh shit" at the realization that his assumed employer was approaching, he'd fled and told them they'd "be back when it was safe". So, he intended to contact them again? When it was "safe" to do so? What did he mean _safe_? If he worked for White Hat's brother and lived in his home like Slug and Clementia did with White Hat, why would his presence mean anything _besides_ safety? Like, Dr. Slug couldn't imagine ever feeling anything besides maybe _annoyance_ at the mention of White Hat coming into the lab. Certainly not _fear_. This _freaking dork_? He could never be afraid of him!

And right now, as Clementia was sharing her own confusion about the doctor seeming to be afraid of Black Hat coming, White Hat's reaction was basically, "Yeah I don't blame him."

Ok, he didn't say _exactly_ that, but he kind of might as well have! And what was that about him seeing his brother? He was in bed all night! What was he talking about " _He only tried to kill me like four times, I think our relationship is really maturing!"_ Does that happen a lot?! What kind of...being was this Black Hat?!

"White Hat, sir?" Dr. Slug spoke up. For once the "sir" not dripping with passive-aggression.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Could you...could you tell us a bit about your brother?" He asked.

White Hat's hand stopped right as the teacup was about to make contact with his mouth. "O-Oh? You want to know about my brother?"

"Oh yes sir! Please!" Clementia said. "Uh, if you don't mind, that is."

"Oh no, no, it's not that I mind, exactly. It's just, well," White Hat put the tea down. "I don't think I've ever actually told _anyone_ about my brother. I'm not entirely sure how to begin."

"Wait... _no one at all_?"

"No, I guess I haven't. We don't keep in contact and I myself hardly think about him these days. As I said, Dr. Slug, it's been ages since I've looked through those old photos."

Knowing how old White Hat was (even though no one knew definitively), he was probably being literal.

"Well, just, what kind of...person? Is he?" Dr. Slug asked.

"Uhhh," White Hat gazed upwards at the chandelier. "How do I put this? He's...um, he's...he's _very different_ from me."

"How much different?" Clementia asked.

"We're...we're basically complete opposites, if that makes it a bit easier to understand. He isn't...the easiest guy to get along with."

"Well, tell us about him!" Dr. Slug was starting to get frustrated with how evasive White Hat was being. Of course they would have their differences, they were two different beings! But White Hat was clearly trying to avoid telling them _something_! "Use some specifics! You said you talked to him, tell us about that!"

"Oh, well, alright. For starters, I guess I should explain that my kind don't dream. When we chose to sleep we are able to project our consciousness and we experience visions. I had one of my brother last night."

"Oh, is _that_ why you sleep so often?" Dr. Slug asked. "So you can... _see things_?"

"Not really, I just enjoy sleeping."

So close, White Hat. You were so close to actually making sense with the things you do.

"And you're sure it was really him?" Clem asked.

"Oh positive." White Hat said. "He tried to shoot me immediately."

"What!?" Dr. Flug and Clementia said in unison. Hell, even 6.0.6. made a noise that probably meant something along the lines of " _How can you be so casual about that?!"_

"Relax, he never manages to actually hit me with his laser eye. It's fine." White Hat said dismissively.

"He has laser eyes?!" Dr. Slug nearly screamed.

"One, laser eye. I have one too."

" _You do?!_ "

"Yeah, I just don't have much use for it. It's very destructive."

Dr. Slug couldn't even speak. His mind wouldn't allow it.

"Anyway, we got to talking. He made a few more attempts on my life, I defended myself, and then I was rather rudely awakened by 6.0.6 before he could do anything more. But I guess it's what I get for sleeping in and wasting the day away." Dr. Slug caught 6.0.6. rolling his eyes.

"Uh, White Hat, sir?" Clementia asked. "Why was he trying to... _k-kill you_? He's your brother!"

"And why are you talking about it like it's totally normal?" Slug asked in a breathless voice. This entire _day_ made no logical sense.

"Well, I suppose for us, it _is_ normal." White Hat admitted while he played with his stirrer. "It's just kind of how we've always acted around each other."

"That's normal, for...whatever you two are? It's normal for siblings to try and kill each other?" Dr. Flug said incredulously.

"Well, no, not siblings in general."

"Is it normal... _for twins_?"

"Well, twins are an extreme rarity for our kind." White Hat said. "And I mean that sincerely. It practically never happens for us. So I suppose I can't really say if it's normal for twins. Twins themselves aren't normal."

"Who was born first?" Clementia asked.

"Me."

"Ok, so," Dr. Slug held his head in his hands, as if that would magically make things start making sense. "Why did he try to kill you? Why _does_ he try to kill you? Why is _anyone_ trying to kill you, you're like the greatest hero ever!"

White Hat smiled a bit. "Gee, thanks Dr. Slug. I never knew you thought so highly of me."

"I was just stating a fact," Slug mumbled, looking away. "Answer the questions."

"I suppose I can't put off telling you this any longer." White Hat said with a sigh. "But I need you all need to promise me that what I tell you won't affect how you see me."

"Fine, I promise."

"Cross my heart!" Clementia chirped.

"Mmph," 6.0.6. grunted.

"Good, good. You remember how I said we're basically complete opposites?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, that extends a bit farther than just our outfits or personalities. As it turned out, we both went into professions at utter odds with the others. I became a hero, and Black Hat, well..."

White Hat trailed off, leaving his three employees all very confused. What could he mean? What was he trying to say? That he became a hero and his brother became some...some...some kind of...

" _A Villain_?" Dr. Slug whispered.

White Hat sighed deeply. "Yes, he's a villain. And apparently a very accomplished one at that."

All was quiet. The only sound that could be heard was the shallow breaths of Dr. Slug and Clementia. Even 6.0.6. was frozen at the news that their heroic head of the household could be related so closely to a super villain.

The quiet was then broken by White Hat sipping his tea.

"D...Don't take a tea break!" Dr. Slug screamed. "Explain, White Hat! Explain!"

"Explain what, exactly?" The man asked calmly.

"How can you...How on Earth...Your brother is a...And you..." Dr. Slug couldn't organize his thoughts, much less his words.

"How can you be related to a villain?" Clementia blurted out. "You're... _you_!"

"As I said, we're opposites." White Hat said simply.

"That doesn't explain anything." Dr. Slug said, his voice a mere shadow of what it usually was.

"He left home and became a villain, I left home and became a hero." White Hat shrugged. "I don't know what it is you expect me to say."

"What does your mother think of it?" Clementia asked.

"Oh well she always supported our individual goals growing up, I'd like to think that she's proud of us."

"The both of you?"

"Yes, certainly." White Hat nodded. "Do humans mothers not support their children regardless of their aspirations?"

"Not...regardless..." Dr. Slug said.

His mother definitely gave him no such support. At soon as it was clear that he wasn't going to mindlessly follow the path she laid out for him she cut him off and they hadn't spoken since. Hadn't so much as been in the same room as one another. Not even when he'd first gotten arrested, before being "recruited" into the White Hat Organization. She never visited and he used his one phone call (which went to voicemail) to tell her to fuck off. God, how long had it been since he had seen his mom? He couldn't have been older than seventeen last time they'd spoken. And now he was...um...he was around 29 when he'd first forcibly joined White Hat, so now he should be...

"My mom did!" Clementia declared. "She always told me I could do anything I set my mind to! Whatever it was! Same with my dad. Oh! What about _your_ dad?" She asked eagerly.

White Hat looked away. "He's...not in the picture."

"O-Oh, I'm sorry." Clementia said. "I didn't know."

"That's alright," White Hat said gently. "Hmmm. This is strange."

"What is?"

"Just... _this_." Their heroic leader said, gesturing to the room. "Talking about my family. I don't think I've ever done this with anyone else. It's something entirely new for me. I don't think I've ever just sat around and talked about my brother to anyone besides maybe my mother. It's...rather nice." He offered a small smile.

"I'm glad," Clementia said cheerily.

Dr. Slug rested his head on the table. "So, your brother is a super villain. That's nice. I suppose this means we got hacked by an evil scientist or something."

"Who's apparently about evenly matched with you yourself." White Hat said, oddly proud. "Well, he'd have to be good at what he does if he's employed by Black Hat. Otherwise I'm not sure he'd survive."

Dr. Slug raised his head a bit, remembering how _scared_ Dr. Flug had seemed. "What... _exactly_ , do you mean by that?"

"Like I said, Black Hat isn't the easier person to get along with." White Hat continued. "Or work for. Or talk to. Or be just really be around at all, honestly. I suppose the nice way of saying it is that he's very... _particular_."

"What would be the... _not-nice_ way of saying it?"

"He has a horrible temper and impossible standards. He's been known to kill over minor infractions and spread chaos and destruction just kind of because he feels like it. And he's kind of a hater." White Hat paused. "Wow, it actually feels a little refreshing to say that."

"White Hat?" Clementia asked cautiously. "Um, why is he like that? How is it that he's so... _bad_ , and you're so good?"

White Hat averted his gaze. "Who can say, really? Even among humans, there's no real simple explanation of why someone is... _evil_ , now is there? Even on a case by case basis, it isn't always some clear cut answer of their environment or some predisposition that led to how they turned out."

Why wasn't he looking at them as he spoke? Why was he spouting some crap that sounded like he skimmed some online article on the Nature vs. Nurture debate and was just reciting the highlights? The way he was so evasive talking about his brother seemed more like there was something he was going out of his way to leave out, rather than something he didn't know how to say. There was something he didn't want to tell them.

Maybe not something about his brother, maybe something about _himself_.

"Do you love him?" Clementia asked.

It took a few tense moments for White Hat to respond. He still wasn't looking at them. "He's my brother," He said quietly.

"That doesn't answer the question, sir." Dr. Slug said, getting back into his usual mindset.

"It's okay, you can tell us." Clementia said gently. "Or, not, if you're uncomfortable. It's...we're here for you, right?" She looked to Slug and 6.0.6. They offered small nods, anything to keep the hero talking. "So, even if you don't want to talk now, we're here if you ever do." She gave him a kind smile, the kind that melts most men's hearts. A smile that tugs on people's souls and whispered gently into their ears that everything would be okay.

"We're your employees, but we're also your friends. And we'd never judge you for anything." She said sweetly.

Not entirely true. Dr. Slug was _not_ his friend, and he judged White Hat all the time. Harshly. He may not do so _outwardly_ , but that didn't mean he wasn't doing it. Matter of fact, he was judging him right now.

But, in the interest of getting answers out of him, perhaps it would be better to be... _nice_. (Ugh, he shuddered at the thought)

"Uh, sir?" Dr. Slug spoke up. Not really sure what he could say that would in any way compare to Clementia's genuine kindness. But hey, it was the thought that counted, right? All that mattered was that he tried, didn't it? "Um...sometimes people just have evil family members. You can't pick your family. You're just...stuck with them. So, whatever it is you feel about him...it's not wrong, or whatever. We won't think any less of you for it...yeah..." He trailed off, feeling like he just rambled on and hadn't said a damn thing that helped in the slightest. _Great job, Slug. You're as incompetent as ever._

"Dr. Slug," White Hat said. "That...that means a lot, coming from you. Thank you."

Oh well ok, apparently it _had_ worked. _Great job, Slug! You're as brilliant as ever!_

"And, of course thank _you_ Clementia. I know you're always here for me." They both beamed at each other. Great, so can he continue?

"Ha ha, I feel terrific!" He proclaimed. "It feels amazing to have such wonderful employees- no, _friends_ to talk to! You're all so splendid! I truly love each of you! And...and I love my brother too! No matter what he does, he's still my brother and he'll always be my brother! There's nothing wrong with that!"

White Hat chuckled to himself. "It feels fantastic to get this all off my chest. I just want to bombard you with everything I've kept bottled up all these years!"

"We're listening." Dr. Slug said. "Whatever you have to say, we'd _love_ to hear it."

"Very well then, Doctor." White Hat said with a wide smile. "Get comfortable, because this is going to be a long story."

Dr. Slug sat up a bit straighter in his chair, Clementia giddily settled in to his left, 6.0.6. leaned on the table on his right. All their attention was on their leader and the fascinating tale he was about to tell.

"Alright, so I suppose I should start with a bit about how exactly we came about and then go into the very beginning of our fighting. It all began in the womb-"

White Hat suddenly jerked his head off to the side, cutting himself off. He was frozen for a few seconds before he poofed out of existence, leaving behind a small popping noise as air rushed to fill the vacant space he once occupied.

 _...WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?_

* * *

Black Hat walked into the lab looking...cranky, for lack of a better word. He was rubbing his forehead and there was a scowl fixed on his face. He still seemed pissed about yesterday.

"Good morning Black Hat!" Demencia said enthusiastically. Dr. Flug hoped he didn't have to tell her not to talk about what they'd just done. Who they'd just been speaking to. He really hoped she was at least smart enough to know that it would just set Black Hat off again if he found out a) they'd been looking for his brother, and b) they'd actually found his subordinates.

Who were much too similar for comfort. Just thinking about it made the doctors head spin.

"G-Good morning, sir." He said with his usual nervousness. He hoped he wasn't overdoing it. "How d-did you sleep?"

"Terrible." He said harshly. Crap. "And I blame the two of you!" Double crap.

"Aw, how can you sleep bad when you've got that sexy incest burning?"

Dr. Flug stared at Demencia with wide eyes. Black Hat was burning _what now_?!

"Incense!" He bellowed. Ah, that made more sense. "And it is _entirely_ the fault of you two _**worthless parasites**_ that I had to suffer through my miserable _**brothers'**_ presence all night!"

"W-what?"

Demencia gasped. "You saw your brother?! That's so cool! What's he like? What does he look like now? Are you still the hot one? Oh what am I saying, you totally are I don't even need to see him! Can _we_ meet hi-"

Dr. Flug covered Demencia's mouth and cowered against his desk. "N-Now, sir, p-p-please keep in mind that Demencia's IQ-"

"No, you want to know about my brother that badly?" Black Hat sneered. "Well let me fucking tell you, he's a goddamned _**hero**_ and I hate everything about him! I hate his fucking voice. I hate that he looks like me. Every memory I have with him is something I wish I could burn from my mind. I wish he would just die! But, unfortunately, he's another of my species. And we are damn near invincible compared to the likes of you _**pathetic worms**_! So it's not as if I can so much as hope that someone else does him in, _**and I can't do it either**_!" Black Hat was now screaming at the top of his lungs in a demonic timbre that made the doctor's teeth rattle in his skull.

" **He's so goddamn self-righteous, so deplorably moral and decent, I can't stand him! It's like he** _ **wants**_ **to offend me with everything that he does! Every word he speaks is another brain cell dying! It's all mindless dribble about** _ **goodness**_ **and** _ **tolerance**_ **and it goes against everything I am! It** _ **should**_ **be going against everything he is as well! But** _ **NO**_ **! And our** _ **Mother**_ **never stopped him! She just let him do whatever he wanted! No matter how much of an** _ **embarrassment**_ **it was to the rest of us! I spent my entire youth alternating between trying to kill him and trying to just get away from him! Why can I never just be!? Why can I not escape his insulting stain of personage! I wish he had never been born! Why am I a twin?! Why could I not kill him back when he was just a speck of chromosomes?! I would've rather-** "

Dr. Flug wasn't sure what Black Hat said next. It was very guttural and loud. Perhaps it was his native language? Whatever it was, it was making his, Demencia's, and 5.0.5.'s ears bleed and they should probably find some way of placating the demon soon before he killed them all in a fit of misdirected rage. On accident.

"S-Sir?!" Dr. Flug tried to scream over his bosses screams. "Sir, please! Y-You're going to end up killing us! And I'm not convinced it's really _us_ you want to kill right now! P-Please calm down!"

He wasn't calming down. Dr. Flug wasn't even sure Black Hat could hear him over his own savage garblings.

Ok, Plan B.

Dr. Flug released Demencia and stepped past 5.0.5. The two of them still had their ears covered and were more focused on keeping their sense of hearing intact than participating in the mad doctor's assured suicide mission. Dr. Flug approached Black Hat, which the demon _did_ take notice of. He screeched some more intelligible noise at him, somehow louder this time, like all that pent up rage that was now spilling out was being directed straight at the human who _dared_ to come closer.

Dr. Flug flinched, but he didn't back down. He pressed on and continued to step towards him as best he could with his legs trembling so badly.

"L-Lord Black Hat!" He yelled, desperate to be heard over the cacophony emanating from his bosses throat. " _Jefecito_!"

The beast lunged out and snatched him when it appeared he got too close for it's liking. Black Hat roared in the doctors face, causing the blood to seep out of all of his face-holes and stain the paper bag he wore. The doctor did not resist. Did not attempt to escape his clutches. He merely endured the pain and torment until it seemed that the demon had yelled enough to sate it's anger for the time being and took a few deep breaths.

Perhaps not relieved of it's aggression, but satisfied after releasing even just a bit of it, surely.

" _Jefe_ ," Dr. Flug said groggily. "I'm sorry." Black Hat looked at him with a rather blank expression on his face, still panting with shallow breaths. "I had no right to go through your personal things. I shouldn't have gone digging into your personal business. I shouldn't have shared any of it with Demencia. I shouldn't have lied to you about it. Neither of us should've taken something like...what we did, from you. Shouldn't have tried to hide it. That was wrong of me. Wrong of all of us."

And Black Hat seemed to be calming down with each groveling apology, each admittance of guilt. "I accept whatever punishment you have in store. I deserve it. Your brother is your own business, we should've respected that. It was obvious but we kept pushing it. We shouldn't have needed any reason to respect your privacy. We should've respected that you didn't want White Hat brought up. I'm sorry we failed you. I'm sorry I'm so useless. I'm-"

It was like the air changed. One moment, it seemed the anger was seeping out of the man, like he was being placated with each word admitting the man's wrongdoing. Then things snapped, the air was filled with a thick tension. So thick that the doctor had an offhand thought that it might be possible to literally cut the tension with a knife.

Black Hat's hand was around his throat, and he spoke through clenched fangs.

" **How. Do. You. Know. My.** _ **Brother's**_ **. Name. Is.** _ **WHITE**_ **.** _ **HAT**_ **?!** "

"L-Lucky g-g-guess?" The doctor said shakily.

Black Hat threw him across the room, hitting Demencia. The force caused both of them to crash into the wall, and papers went flying everywhere. He landed on top of her, sprawled out on his back. He faintly noticed that blood had gotten on his stark white lab coat. Pity.

But not as big a pity as what it would look like with _all_ his blood coating it.

Dr. Flug noticed out of the corner of his eye that Demencia picked up one of the scattered paper. And then sprung into motion, throwing the doctor face-first to the floor and running up insanely to the enraged creature before the three of them; 5.0.5. cowering off to the side.

"Ooh ooh so which of these is your name and which of these is his?!" She asked excitedly, holding the piece of paper out in front of her to the monster. "And how are they pronounced? And-"

A black taloned hand pierced through the reptilian girl's heart and poked through the mound of neon green at her back. The paper, with both twins names hastily copied on it, fell from her grasp. She landed next to it as the talons removed themselves from her body and left her to collapse limply in a pool of her own blood.

"Where did you find our names?" He asked in a small voice. One that was barely keeping it's hold on the english language. Then it was loud and strangled again. " _ **WHERE DID YOU FIND OUR NAMES?!**_ "

Dr. Flug ran out of the room while the beast was distracted. He didn't notice the paper sticking to his shoe, and he only barely noticed his ursine creation following him in terror.

* * *

How long had it been? Hours? One hour? How much of the day has gone past? Was Black Hat so enraged that he legitimately lost all sense of where Flug and 5.0.5. were, or was he just toying with them? Just enjoying the sport of hunting them down where they hid in the third floor bathroom? Making a game of it. Playing with his food. Was Demencia still going to regenerate after getting an arm through her heart?

Dr. Flug had been staring at the piece of paper he'd recovered from his foot. Trying to decipher which name could belong to which twin and how on earth either one was pronounced.

He'd already accepted that he had no other choice. His only alternative was sitting around for however long he was able to remain hidden in the bathroom until Black Hat burst in anyway and maybe he wouldn't kill him but he'd make him wish he would.

So, having no real way of knowing what else in the name of fuck he was supposed to do to summon demons, he lit some scented candles he found in the bathroom (Why were they there? He had no idea!) and looked in the mirror like a dumbass and made his absolute best effort to say one of the names. The writing wasn't any language he knew but it looked a bit like someone wrote arabic over latin and he was doing his best to guess the syllables.

Suddenly he felt something come over him, some strange force that didn't feel malevolent, and he gargled out some nonsense that incredibly flowed from his tongue.

The mirror shattered.

But in the broken shards, he swore he saw some gray skinned being in white standing behind him.

"Are you...Dr. Flug Slys?" A smooth voice asked him.


	8. Both A Little Scared

"It's so nice to meet you!" the creature said enthusiastically, grabbing and shaking Flug's hand forcefully. "I am White Hat, although I suppose you know that, seeing as you summoned me here, hee hee! You're Black Hat's scientist, right? Oh I cannot _possibly_ tell you how surprised I am that _my brother_ is keeping living beings these days! Why, I've never known him to so much as keep _plants_ , let alone something as fragile as a _human_! Although I suppose there _was_ Lil' Jack...oh who cares about any of that? I'm just so happy to make your acquaintance!"

"L...Likewise, um, sir." Dr. Flug said blankly. The shock of what a contrast White Hat's personality was compared to Black Hat's still hadn't worn off. It left him at a bit of a loss for words.

"Oh, no need to be so formal, Doctor!" White Hat said with a wave of his hand. "Dr. Slug doesn't even call me 'sir' half the time. Please, just 'White Hat' is fine."

"Uh...ok...White Hat." Dr. Flug shook off the urge to follow it up with "sir".

White Hat nodded, seeming to be satisfied, and looked around the small bathroom Dr. Flug had summoned him too. He finally took notice of 5.0.5. peering curiously at him from behind the shower curtain.

"Oh! This must be 5.0.5.!" He declared. "He _does_ have a bit of a resemblance to 6.0.6." White Hat moved forward, as if to touch his baby blue fur, before stopping himself and looking back to Dr. Flug. "He isn't going to bite me or anything, is he?" He asked with a good-humored smile.

"Oh no sir- I mean, White Hat." Dr. Flug awkwardly said. He was so different but the resemblance was uncanny! If he just looked him in the face and ignored everything else about his wardrobe, poise, and attitude, he was just like Black Hat. Just, with the monocle on the other eye. "5.0.5. is actually very friendly. And soft."

White Hat smiled wider and proceeded to reach out his hand towards the big blue bear. 5.0.5. smiled sweetly back and reached out a paw in return.

"Hello there!" He said gently. "My name is White Hat. It's a pleasure to met you!"

"Baw!" The bear cheerfully responded. White Hat let out some gleeful squeak at it.

Ok this was just _too weird._ His color scheme, his mannerisms, his voice! He was the complete opposite of his menacing and fear-inducing boss. They were alike in nothing but looks, which even for identical twins was pushing the limits of identical. He was like an alternate image that decided to come out from the other side of the mirror. It was like looking at Black Hat's evil (or more accurately, _good_ ) clone, rather than his brother. How could ones so different be so closely related?

What was it Black Hat had been screaming about before Flug was forced to hide in the bathroom? Was Dr. Flug mistaken or had Black Hat said that his brother was some kind of... _hero_?

"Um, excuse me? Si- White Hat?" Oh god he wasn't used to conversing so casually with anyone but Demencia. It was so hard not to call him "sir"!

"Yes, Dr. Flug?" The demon (was he a demon? He didn't act very demonic) rose up and faced him again.

"I, uh, if you don't mind me asking, are you really a h-hero?"

"Why, yes! I am in fact!" He puffed out his chest a bit and placed his hands on his hips in a rather stereotypical hero pose. "I'm actually surprised Black Hat told you. Well, I'm surprised he told you about me _at all,_ and I'm even more surprised to find out he's keeping you here with him! That's _so_ unlike him! How long would you say you've been in his employ?"

"Oh, well, it's been, um..." Dr. Flug paused, trying to wrack his brain and figure out how many years it had been since turning on his heroic compatriots and getting wrapped up in Black Hat's business venture. "A few, a few years now. I'm, uh, I'm not exactly sure how many."

"Well, that's to be expected." White Hat said cryptically. What on earth did he mean by that? "I'm sure...oh. Oh my."

"What is it?"

"Dr. Flug, as happy as I am that you summoned me here, would you be so kind as to tell me why?"

"Well, uh, Black Hat wasn't very happy when we found out about you. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize to me, dear boy." _Dear boy?_ Dr. Flug was nearly 30! "But, please continue."

"Ok, I'd just like to say on record that it was _not_ my idea to go looking for you, it was all Demencia.'

"Oh yes, Dr. Slug and Clementia told me about her." Seriously, their names were _far too similar_. It was almost too close to be considered a coincidence. "Where is she?"

"Last I saw, Black Hat stabbed her through the heart. Back in the lab. Before I hid in here."

"O...Oh..." White Hat looked so genuinely sorrowful about it. About someone he hadn't even met and only learned about today. "I'm so sorry to hear about that. Are _you_ alright?" He grabbed one of Flug's arms gently and began inspecting it. And turned to 5.0.5. "What about you? Did he hurt you?"

"Oh no, sir- I mean- I'm sorry, it's a force of habit. We're both fine. And...Demencia may be alright too. She can heal, you see. There's a possibility that she'll recover. Although I'm not sure Black Hat's ever hurt her this badly before."

"How badly... _has_ he hurt her before?"

"N-N-Nothing she wasn't able to handle." Dr. Flug said nervously. White Hat was getting a rather serious look in his eye, which was bringing out his _real_ resemblance to Black Hat, and it was just scaring Dr. Flug further. Now they were _too_ similar and it was freaking him out in a whole new way.

"Is that why you summoned me here, Doctor?"

"Uh, well, yes and no." He backed off, bumping into the toilet. "I-I've never seen Black Hat get this angry before, I'm sorry, I still don't really know the full situation between you two. This, this was a mistake, wasn't it? I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was doing. I shouldn't have-"

"Oh no no, what's between us has nothing to do with you." White Hat approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "I'm glad you brought me here. I really should have a talk with my brother in person. I talked with Clementia and Dr. Slug earlier and it did _wonders_ for me. I'd probably have never found this place if it hadn't been for you, and for that I thank you deeply."

Deer Jesus was it a trip to see someone who looked this much like Black Hat thanking him so sincerely. Demencia was never going to believe this.

"And I'm sorry, but I'll have to cut this a bit short."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"He knows I'm here."

"Y-You mean B-B-Black Hat?" Dr. Flug felt his knees buckle. White Hat caught him before he could crash onto the bathroom floor.

"Hey now, it's me he's really mad at, not you." The hero (Black Hat's brother. His _twin brother_. A _hero_.) gave him another smile dripping with goodwill and comfort. "I'll talk to him and see if we can't finally work this out."

How in the world was this thing related to _Black Hat_?!

"If all else fails, I'll keep him occupied long enough for you to find a better hiding spot." He may have winked at him, or at least _tried_ to wink at him. He opened the door and stepped out into the hall like he already knew where he was going. "Maybe you'll be able to check on your Demencia. I hope I'm able to say goodbye, Dr. Flug Slys."

Dr. Flug peeked out until he saw the bright shining white of his coat and hat be swallowed by the darkness of the manor. He turned to 5.0.5., still huddled in the bathtub like the fancy fiberglass and porcelain would protect him.

"Well, what do you say?" He asked. "Give him five, maybe ten minutes, and then we go out looking for Demencia?"

5.0.5. grunted, it sounded like he agreed. Dr. Flug closed the door softly, bracing himself against it like his lean figure would do anything to protect them in the event of catastrophe. "Ok then, let's aim for five minutes."

They crept out four minutes later, going very much in the opposite direction of all the booms and crashes resonating throughout the manor.

* * *

 _ **He was here.**_

 _ **HERE.**_

 _ **In HIS home.**_

 _ **How?**_

 _ **Flug? Demencia? The bear?**_

Ok, mostly likely, it wasn't the bear's doing. The thing couldn't even speak anymore, so that ruled him out. The others though, it was nearly impossible that either of them would be able to decipher Black Hat's native language on their own. Nearly impossible, but not completely. It had happened with other humans and humanoids, so the possibility was there. Had it been long enough for Demencia to heal? Could Flug have been able to guess at the pronunciations well enough? Had someone had a little _outside help_?

Black Hat forced himself to continue his barely maintained stroll in the direction he sensed his _**brother**_ was in. He felt the primal urge to sprint to him, to gallop furiously at such a hard pace that he shook the manor off it's very foundations and sent every other being toppling into disorientation. Making it all the easier to catch him off guard, to find a weak spot to hit, to finally _**end him**_ once and for all-

But no. He refused to be reduced to such a state. Not by _**him**_. Not anymore. He actually had grown a bit from when they were children, he wouldn't let him ruin everything he'd worked so hard to achieve. He was Black Hat. The greatest villain in the multiverse. He wouldn't be driven to such an animalistic state by the mere presence of another being. One of his own kind.

His... _ **brother**_...

He walked in almost complete silence, his footsteps light and ethereal. His back was straight, his shoulders back, his head high, he was the picture of poise and composure. He wouldn't let that be taken away from him by an uninvited guest.

Until he caught sight of him, in the physical quasi-flesh, bright white sticking out like a bloodstain on a hospital gown. Black Hat apparated directly in front of him. The _**mistake**_ wasn't even caught off guard. Irritating, as always.

"I'm sorry to drop in unannounced like this," He said, a smile on his lip flaps. "But for what it's worth I'm happy to be here."

"It's worth _**nothing.**_ " Black Hat hissed out, a few specks of acidic saliva landing on his brothers face. Not that it was at all dangerous to their kind. "Why are you here?"

"I was summoned here." He produced a spotless white handkerchief and wiped his face.

"By whom?"

"What will you do if I tell you?"

"Make them _wish_ I would kill them. After I kill _**you**_."

White Hat braced himself, as if expecting Black Hat to attack him. He did not, though he enjoyed making his brother flinch. It'd be a good look for him, if he didn't look so much like Black Hat himself. Even the little pleasures Black Hat found, his brother always managed to ruin for him.

"Wow, you didn't even use your laser eye." White Hat remarked. "Have you really changed after all?"

"Don't look so surprised, you know what they say after all." Black Hat manifested dozens of tentacles, blending them in with the shadows of the manors halls. White Hat gave no indication that he was aware of them. "The more things change-"

White Hat was impaled, from every angle, the tentacles running through every limb and all inhuman organs. He was somewhat suspended in midair by them, a thick tar-like substance hitting the floor with heavy *plops*. What was left of his face didn't seem particularly shocked.

"The more they stay the same."

It was a short lived victory, as Black Hat felt his tentacles diced in seconds. They fell apart, being reclaimed by the darkness as White Hat freed himself. Landing gracefully on his feet, already half-healed.

He hated him.

"Black Hat, I'd gladly leave you be and go on my way," He said, once his jaw was repaired. "But I have a proposition for you first."

"Fight to the death? Like old times, only better?"

"Unfortunately, nothing that quick or easy." Speak for yourself, you detestable waste of atoms. Black Hat would drag it out for ages if White Hat would continue fighting. He would ensure nothing about their confrontation would be quick or easy for either of them. If there were to finally be a winner between them, it'd be a painful and arduous battle. Legendary, even in hell. "I'd like us to talk."

"Talk?" Black Hat repeated, the world getting stuck on his tongue like he'd never heard of it before.

"Yes, talk."

"What about, exactly?"

"Us. Is it really so unthinkable that we could be capable of just talking through our problems? Working past them and finally putting an end to this life-long conflict between us?"

He was thinking of it...and past the initial concept his mind went blank. Was he really suggesting that they... _talk_? As if that would magically solve everything? As if it would erase everything wrong with the both of them existing?

"Black Hat, please. I know this isn't going to be easy, but if you'd be willing to talk with me," He put a hand on his brothers shoulder. "I think we could-"

Black Hat swung his arm out and knocked White Hat through the wall, sending furniture and pieces of armor flying. An axe impaled itself in the ceiling, an iron shield clattered even on the carpeted floor, White Hat left a cartoon-ish silhouette of himself in the wallpaper. It even included his hat. He stood up, not even catching his breath.

"I suppose I should've known better, but I had hoped that we might be able to resolve things without it coming to this again."

"Hope is for the weak." Black Hat snarled.

"Do you truly believe that? Do you not hope to kill me?" White Hat bent his neck at an unnatural and nearly fiendish angle, cracking something loudly.

"I do not _**hope**_." Black Hat got ready to launch himself at his detested sibling. "I act."

"Fine then." White Hat braced himself. "Let's go, just me and you. Just like old times."

And so the chase began. Black Hat swiped with his claws at inhuman speed, only just barely being deflected by White Hat's. Both brothers were mobile; dashing through halls, going in and out of whatever doors presented themselves, slicing through walls and plaster when there was no other option. White Hat, annoyingly, kept mostly to blocking and outright avoiding Black Hat's attacks. He retaliated very little and focused more on dodging, protecting himself. Black Hat _**hated**_ that. Could anyone truly call this a fight, when he was the only one making any sort of attempt to end his opponent? Why would White Hat not fight back? Black Hat was out to _**murder**_ him, he wouldn't survive if all he did was counter. Sooner or later he'd be caught, there'd be something he couldn't stand against, there would be a point where defending and attacking would be one and the same. Was he waiting for that? To be forced to hit back? Was he _pitying_ him? Going _easy_ on him? After all this time? Or was it strategy, making Black Hat wear himself out trying to strike at him so that he had the upper hand when he was finally cornered?

Black Hat didn't realize he'd begun to smile. That was _almost_ something he could respect. So underhanded. So unbecoming of a _**hero**_.

But he couldn't be beaten by something like that. His stamina was near limitless, and he knew White Hat couldn't keep running forever. He lashed out with tentacles, summoned by the hundreds to hold his heroic counterpart still. Some were cut through, White Hat summoning just as many to defend himself. But he couldn't stop them all. Neither could. There were too many to keep track of from either side. Black Hat had a bit of an advantage, as he had only one goal and one target to keep track of. White Hat on the other hand was trying to juggle dodging, destroying, deflecting, bisecting, even biting when he found a misshapen hand too close to his face. Add to that the fact that White Hat was on the run, in an unfamiliar location with his attacker behind him. Sure, he had materialized multiple sets of eyes and so many limbs he could possibly pass for Mothman's loser cousin Millipede Man, but the more parts that were created the more brain power was necessary to handle them. He needed more time to process all he saw in front of and behind him. Black Hat on the other hand kept things simple, only forming appendages with the singular goal of apprehending his prey and ripping him to shreds. Multiple eyes were not needed, mouths sprouted and withered as he saw fit, and he felt himself gaining on his mark. Both brothers furiously tore at each other, diminishing the amount of tentacles tearing through the once stately manor.

Black Hat managed to get one wrapped around his brothers ankle, tripping him up. As he closed in, White Hat suddenly cartwheeled and delivered a sharp kick to his jaw, sending him through the ceiling. The villainous twin growled, and shook himself free of debris. Wood, shreds of carpet, the remnants of fine paintings caught in the crosshairs, no time to regret the damage he was doing to his home when the pest that invaded it was still scurrying around. He got to his feet just in time to catch his brother crawling up through the hole they'd just made. He charged him immediately, knocking him onto his back. Black Hat wasted no time, biting and clawing and manifesting tentacle after tentacle after arm after leg after teeth after tongue after gaping maw, all with the drive to finally put and end to his eternal shame. White Hat held back no longer, finally forced to deal some actual damage to his attacker. Rending grey flesh and breaking thick bones to splinters.

Finally. A true fight between them.

It began to get dark, whether it was from the sheer amount of excess appendages between them or damage sustained in battle was unclear. Black Hat could feel a thick inky substance splurt out as he bit down hard on some nondescript part of his brothers anatomy, it made him grin even with his own torso being repeatedly run through. He felt a breeze going through his body and came to the conclusion that White Hat had literally torn a hole through him, exposing his inner workings to the elements of the mortal plane. It burned, making whatever mouths had hold of him clench down harder. It only drove Black Hat to take it further, do his brother one better. It was hard to keep track of who was where; whether it was White Hat pinned to the floor or Black Hat suspending him on the ceiling or even whether the both of them were rolling around in 360 degrees, a proper slap in the face to the laws of gravity. Gaining one's bearings was an impossibility, neither twin could stop for a second or risk losing this ongoing game of theirs. How far had they gone since beginning to fight? What part of the manor were they in? How long had they been at it? How badly had Black Hat ruined his pristine home?

All were questions that could be answered at a later date. One with only the victor living. As it should have always been.

White Hat managed to slip away and apparated to the other end of the corridor. He was panting heavily, the both of them were. Once stately and flawless attire torn and ripped, barely clinging to their bodies. Thick streams of grimey tar poured out of open wounds, which were healing much slower than usual. Staining what shreds of fabric were present and leaving disgusting splotches on the floor. Their respective top hats were in better shape than the rest of them, but they too were victims to disrepair and ruin.

"Brother, please." White Hat panted out. "Can't we get through one interaction without devolving into violence? Would it really be so unbearable to just talk rather than fight?"

"Unbearable, no. Pointless, completely."

"I don't believe that. I think if we actually sat down and talked to each other for _once_ in our lives, we'd be able to end this without succumbing to our instincts."

"And what would either of us stand to gain by _talking_?" Black Hat spat his thick viscous bodily fluid into a shattered pot near his feet.

"Well, we might realize that we aren't as different as we might think."

"We are _nothing_ alike."

"I have a scientist who wears a paper bag on his head."

"...What?"

"I have a woman working for me with two-tone hair, and an outrageous outfit."

"That's-"

"My scientist created a giant bear that's essentially the opposite of what I asked him for." White Hat chuckled a bit, black chunks dribbling out of his mouth. "He, and my scientist, would be better suited to _you_ I think."

"Ok that's enough!" Black Hat stormed over, grabbing his brother by the remains of his tie. "You, you're lying to me!"

"When have I ever lied?"

"But, but, how could you possibly you have minions that are...that are so close to..." _**To mine?**_

"I wouldn't call them my 'minions', they're my employees. As for how they could be so similar to your own, like I said: we're more alike than we realize."

This had to be some kind of trick. He had to be lying to him. There was no way they'd just coincidentally have underlings that were so similar. It couldn't be true. It was impossible. Trickery. Illusion. Lies. Though...White Hat had never been the type to try cheap tactics like this. Even now, when Black Hat was distracted trying to comprehend his words, he wasn't taking advantage. And Black Hat checked, as soon as he was aware that he'd let his guard down for a fraction of a second to process this. He'd let White Hat go and backed off, just in case he'd been preparing an attack. He wasn't. Was it really possible that White Hat was being honest? That as far fetched as it seemed, it was the truth?

How did White Hat even _know_ about Dr. Flug and Demencia? Or 5.0.5.?

"How did you know..." he started. "That _I_ have a scientist who wears a paper bag?"

White Hat smiled and raised an eyebrow at him. "I'll tell you, if you'll talk with me."

Blast it! He'd trapped him into his repugnant... _talking scheme_! Black Hat was tempted to simply rush him, see if he couldn't beat the information out of him, but after the fight they'd just had it didn't seem like it was going to be very effective. White Hat was set on getting the two of them to talk, for whatever reason. He would probably continue dodging and running until he was able to shove Black Hat away and suggest they "talk it out" again. Making whatever physical altercations Black Hat initiated rather pointless. White Hat clearly had no intentions to really follow through, committing himself to getting Black Hat to agree to at least try for a non-violent conclusion.

He turned it around and around in his head. He grumbled and grunted and knocked devastated artwork to the floor in his irritation. He couldn't help it. He wanted to know.

"Very well," He begrudgingly addressed his twin. "Let's talk."

"Oh, thank you Black Hat!" Oh number the stars his joyful thanks was repulsive. He approached him, the both of their wardrobes mending now that their bodies were healed. "I really think it'd do us both some good to finally talk about this! I told Dr. Slug and Clementia a bit, though I was summoned before I could get into the _real_ story, and it made me-"

"Stop right there." Black Hat held out one hand to halt his brother before he could make contact, the other rubbing the spot between his eyes. Where the bridge of his nose would be. "Dr... _Slug_?"

"Oh, yes! That's my scientists name, Dr. Slug Syls. I understand that yours is named Flug Slys, is that right?"

"Explain how you know that." He growled at him.

"Right, well, apparently your Dr. Flug and Demencia managed to contact my Dr. Slug and Clementia."

"How and why?"

"I wasn't there for it, but I think they may have been looking for me. So I suppose that answers the 'why'. As for the 'how', I'm not really sure. Dr. Slug is the finest mind in his universe. I guess you've got yourself a real genius to be able to compete with his computer network! How long have you kept him for?"

 **Too long,** Black Hat thought. He was going to give White Hat a more exact answer, and be adequately put off at the bright and happy expression he _knew_ White Hat would make when he heard how long he'd been keeping humans, when a thought struck him. Something White Hat had said.

 _We're more alike than we realize._ Humoring the possibility that it might be true, and might extend to more than just the company they were keeping...

Oh White Hat, Black Hat might just destroy you yet.

"Say, didn't you mention that you'd been talking to your...employees about something?"

"I did? Oh, so I did. Yes, well, they discovered I had a brother a day or so ago-" Eerily similar, and not in a way he liked. "-and after I saw you last night I couldn't help but tell them a bit about you. I had begun to fill them in on our history, when I was summoned here."

"You never did tell me who summoned you."

"Ah, my bad. It was Dr. Flug." HE KNEW IT! But punishing the man again would have to wait. Black Hat had bigger fish to fry. Although, he might be about to throw Flug (and a few others) into the frying pan along with him.

"Well, if we're really going to talk about all this, and you already went and told your underlings, it's only fair we get mine up to speed, isn't it?"

"Black Hat, do you really mean that?" White Hat's eye nearly burst out of it's socket, his pupil expanding to overtake the white completely. If he wasn't so full of wonder he might actually look sinister.

"But of course. If we're really putting everything out into the open, then we should put absolutely _everything_ out into the open. Don't you agree?"

"Oh Black Hat, you're right. I agree completely! Then, should I bring Dr. Slug, Clementia, and 6.0.6. here?"

"Well, not right _here_." Black Hat materialized his cane and poked at the surrounding ruins of his once sophisticated interior designing. "We really went and made a mess of things, didn't we? No, we should all gather...here." A snap of his fingers and the both of them appeared in the living room, in all it's untouched magnificence. There was a green fire burning, giving the room an evil glow. "Much better, don't you think?"

"Oh yes, much! I wouldn't want them to see what a wreck we made of your home. I am sorry about that." _**FOR THE HATRED OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE STOP IT.**_

On the outside, he merely shrugged. "It matters not." _**Pay for it with your life.**_ "Why don't you go get yours while I get mine? Met here in...three minutes?"

"Three minutes is more than enough time! You won't regret this Black Hat, it's going to be far more productive than any fight between us ever was!" With that, and a hideously happy expression, he left. Gone to go get his own little pets.

Black Hat chuckled to himself quietly. His _**brother**_ wasn't exactly wrong, this _was_ going to be far more effective than any punch either of them had ever thrown at the other. Three minutes would be just enough time to instruct his minions on how they should behave.

And above all else, getting them properly prepared for the big reveal.

* * *

Dr. Flug and 5.0.5. made their way back to he lab, amidst all the shaking of the manor walls. They moved slowly and quietly, so as not the draw the attention of their evil master or his strange and intrepid twin brother. Well, it seemed that talking to Black Hat was going about as well as Dr. Flug assumed it would. He didn't know, maybe he'd had some foolish hope that as his brother, White Hat might be able to deal with Black Hat a bit better. Even though all logic and context pointed to the exact opposite being the case. It wasn't as though he feared for his superiors safety or wellness or anything, Black Hat was the most fearsome and deadly villain in history after all, but he did worry that he himself may not survive the rest of the day. Yeah, he said that pretty often, but this time he really took it too far. He almost hoped Black Hat would just kill him for this, it'd be easier to die than live through whatever torment the hellbeast could conjure up for him.

Walking into the laboratory, holding 5.0.5. for comfort (whether his own or the bears was up for debate), the first thing he noticed was the lack of a lifeless Demencia corpse. Oh, there was blood, so much blood, but no body. So either she'd healed, or Black Hat had disposed of her remains. Following the blood granted little clues, as it was all over the place with no clear path unless Demencia had been doing a waltz with herself. It had even gotten up the walls, how could she-

Oh no.

"OK Gayviator, PREPARE YOUR PLANE-US!" Demencia screamed, right before she dropped on top of the mad scientist from the ceiling.

"Gah! Demencia, why-"

"How could you just leave me?!" She demanded. "Where did you go, what happened, what is that-mmpf!" 5.0.5. had the good sense to cover her mouth with his giant fluffy paws before she got too loud. As he picked her up in a bear hug she tried fighting him off, though not as violently as she would a legitimate threat. "MMpff! MMnNnmmmn!"

"Ok listen, I got a lot to catch you up on, so just be quiet, ok?"

"MMMMM!"

"Good. Now, I kinda sorta maybe summoned White Hat here."

"Mm Mm Mmpfff!?"

"Yeah, it was stupid of me, I know. Now he and Black Hat are fighting, I think, and we should find somewhere to hide until this all blows over. Any ideas?"

5.0.5. uncovered her mouth. "How could you summon White Hat without me!?"

"Nevermind that, we need a hiding place where Black Hat won't find us Demencia! Do you know any!?"

"We could try hiding under his bed."

Dr. Flug stared at her. "That's the best you got?"

"What, it's not like he's gonna check down there. It's so stupid it _has_ to work!"

Goddamnit that kind of made sense. He must be truly desperate. Dr. Flug was about to swallow his dignity and agree to it, when everything fell silent. The ceaseless cacophony halted, and the manor no longer felt like it was falling apart at the seams. The three of them stood silently, even Demencia afraid to break the calm for once in her life. Who could tell how long they stood in silence, gazing at the white walls as if expecting them to burst open? Time no longer existed in this vacuum of reality.

Until Black Hat appeared before them, scaring them back to articulation.

Most notably: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"I have exciting news," The evil entity declared with a predatory grin. "My brother and I talked, and we've decided we're going to tell you how this all began."

* * *

Sorry for the wait. I was busy with another fanfiction. I think I'll get around to finishing this one in the upcoming months. Maybe. School is about to start again AND I'm working so, we'll see how it goes.


	9. Neither One Prepared

It couldn't have been more than a few minutes. Five, at most. But the tension in the air had already thickened to the point that Dr. Flug would not at all be surprised to find he could slice through the air with a knife and actually cut it.

The living room had been prepared for White Hat and company's arrival; complete with matching chairs for everyone, green fire providing atmospheric mood lighting, Cam-Bot hidden in the corner (for reasons Black Hat didn't specify), and a tray of snacks prepared by 5.0.5. He made them almost weekly for occasions when Black Hat had clients over for meetings and such. Or when prospective buyers were scheduled to come in for a live demonstration. Oddly enough, having a multitude of sweet treats available boosted sales by an estimated 15%. Who'd have thought so many criminals and thieves would be such suckers for homemade baked goods?

It was far more understandable for heroes to be into those types of things, in the villainous doctors mind. He himself had always thought he should abstain from such sweetest to be taken seriously. Even before he officially defected. Not that it mattered, no one ever took him seriously. Not his boss, not his coworker, not other villains, not even his disturbingly quiet and rigid doppelganger who'd neglected to say so much as "Hello" since his arrival.

Not that Dr. Flug was all that talkative either. From the moment the White Hat crew had just spontaneously appeared in the living room all eyes had been on their strange parallel selves. Dementia and Clemencia nearly pounced on each other, inspecting their hair, their outfits, their shoes, babbling loudly and snacking together like they were at a fun little mixer or something. Occasionally stealing glances at their respective bosses and whispering to each other.

5.0.5. and 6.0.6. also took to conversing, they made unintelligible grunts and waved their hands around excitedly. Dr. Flug had no clue what either of them were saying, which was doubly odd since he usually had no problem deciphering his surrogate son's attempts at language. Given how often they gestured to the doctors, it was reasonable to assume the bears were talking about them.

Doctors Flug and Slug sat next to each other, more observing everyone else instead of comparing their own notes. A few times Dr. Flug had been tempted to try talking to him, perhaps introduce himself properly (Black Hat _had_ ordered them to present their best selves to his brothers underlings after all), but he kept losing his nerve. The guy was just so icy and serious, not approachable at all. His legs and arms were crossed, and he just stared straight ahead. Only sneaking glances at the other pairs at seemingly random intervals. His attention was completely focused on the two demons(?) in their polarized armchairs.

They sat side by side, disturbing reflections images of each other. White Hat looked ecstatic and gleeful and just so overjoyed to see the similarities between the eight of them in the flesh. While Black Hat looked like he was either a) trying not to have a stroke, b) trying not to kill everyone in the room and then himself, or c) trying to eat his own face. The two brothers were equally transfixed on the sight of their uncannily correlative underlings, talking in low voices that Dr. Flug couldn't hear. For once, Dr. Flug felt he and Black Hat might actually be thinking the exact same thing.

This was just too fucking _weird._

"But I was right!" Dementia declared, drawing everyone's attention. "Black Hat is definitely the hotter one!" All eyes darted to the man in question, who seemed to relax a bit as he shrugged. White Hat gave him a bit of an odd look, which he returned a bit smugly.

"What? She's not wrong."

"We are identical."

"Doesn't matter, Whitey." Dementia stated pompously. "One twin is _always_ hotter than the other. And between the two of you, it's Black Hat for sure."

"I mean, if you're into that, I guess." Clemencia said as she played with her giant mound of fluffy cotton-candy-looking hair.

"What? Are you blind or something!? Just look at them! Black Hat is so obviously hotter! Or what," A devious smile spread across her face as she leaned in close against Clemencia. "Is, ah, is White Hat more your type?"

"Wh-What!? No! Of course not!" She immediately went beet-red. "I mean, I mean yeah I really respect him, and I looked up to him for years and stuff, but, but it's not like I have a crush on him or anything." She broke out into nervous laughter. "That's crazy talk!"

"You realize you're talking to a girl named 'Dementia' right? Crazy is what I'm all about!"

Clemencia laughed a bit more and stuffed her face with cupcakes. Dr. Flug glanced at The Hats and found White Hat with a sort of blank smile on his face, like he didn't quite understand what was going on but was keeping in good spirits. Black Hat on the other hand was covering his face like he was embarrassed to so much as be in the same room with these people.

Dr. Flug leaned in towards Dr. Slug. "She's got it bad, doesn't she?"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh yeah. But that's a secret." He said sarcastically.

"And White Hat's completely oblivious?"

"I've tried telling him, it just goes right over his head. I don't think his species really _gets_ crushes."

"Black Hat never had any issues figuring out Dementia loves him. Then again, her opening line _was_ pretty much 'I love you'."

"And what'd he have to say about that?"

"Something along the lines of 'Who are you and how did you get in my house?'"

Dr. Slug chuckled a bit. "So, she broke in and he just decided to let her stay?"

"Not quite. It was more like she broke in about a hundred times and Black Hat decided that if she was just going to keep coming back he might as well get something out of it. A few experiments later, here we are."

"He had you modify her, then?"

"Yeah, every useful thing about her is from me. Her speed, her reflexes, her agility, her flexibility, her strength, how she can recover from nearly any injury, all me. I might've shrunken her brain a bit, but she was dumb enough to break into motherfucking _Black Hat's_ house so there wasn't much going on in there to begin with. Her hair turned green as well, an unforeseen side effect of the genetic modifications. Originally she had black hair."

"She dyes her bangs red?"

"Yeah."

"Huh. So does Clemencia."

"Ok, that's enough." Black Hat growled out. It seemed to call them all to order. "You've all had plenty of time to get acquainted, it's time to actually get down to business."

"Right, we brought you all together so we could explain why exactly is it that we...kind of, sort of, have been trying to kill each other our entire lives." White Hat wrung his hands together with a nervous and rather forced perky grin. It seemed he was a bit uncomfortable mentioning the apparent bad blood between them.

Black Hat huffed. "Haven't see you actually _try_ in millennia."

"I punched a hole through your spine less than an hour ago." Dr. Slug, Clemencia, and 6.0.6. all stared at their boss like they couldn't believe he just said that. Flug, Dementia, and 5.0.5. looked on in shock at the mere insinuation that anyone could so much as _injure_ Black Hat.

"After I bit out your squeedily spooch."

"I'm sorry, he bit out your _what_?!" Dr. Slug looked like he was about to start pulling out his hair (if he had any), even if he had to do it through the paper bag.

"My squeedily spooch. Relax doctor, it grew back already."

"Uh, quick question." Dementia raised her hand and looked up from her phone. "What's a squeedily spooch, and why does my autocorrect recognize it as a word?"

"It's an organ that performs similar functions to your lungs, stomach, liver, pancreas, and-"

"We're getting off topic." Black Hat spoke through clenched fangs.

"Oh, yes, sorry about that. We aren't talking about the squeedily spooch."

" _Can_ we talk about the squeedily spooch?"

"Dementia, if you don't shut up I'm sending you to the realm of eternal suffering."

"Aw c'mon-"

"That won't be necessary." White Hat interjected. "If you'll all quiet down and listen, we're going to get right back to the matter at hand; telling you all how it came to be that the two of us have such a... _rocky_ relationship. You'll get to hear the full story between us-"

"So long as you don't interrupt." Black Hat interrupted, glaring at the underlings gathered round the coffee table laden with pink frosted dark chocolate cupcakes and jasmine tea. "If you infringe on this time, even for a moment, you're going to face torment the likes of which you've never imagined _._ I won't be repeating myself and I won't stop to answer any ridiculous queries. From _any_ of you."

"Black Hat, that's a bit harsh. They're bound to have questions."

Black Hat didn't even break eye contact to address his brother. "My house, my rules."

The six of them murmured and nodded, agreeing to be a respectful (if captive) audience. Even White Hat seemed willing to go along with it if it meant Black Hat would actually be talking.

"Very well. So, do you want to start or should I?"

"I'll start us off. One of us is supposed to be dead."

Black Hat left them hanging there, as if he genuinely felt that explained something. Dr. Flug glanced at the others, wondering if it cleared anything up for them. They all looked as confused as he felt. Like? OK? Why, exactly?

White Hat continued. "The thing is, when our species reproduces, thousands of eggs are fertilized and grow in the womb in a sort of...litter, I guess you could say? About a year or so into gestation, the embryos mature enough to have grown their first set of teeth and a rudimentary digestive system, and once the ********-** " White Hat broke into what Flug assumed to be their native language. "-disconnects and they become more mobile, they start eating the less developed ones."

Dr.'s Flug and Slug cautiously raised their hands. In frightening unison. Black Hat scowled at them, but White Hat offered an explanation.

"I'm afraid there's not really a direct translation, but it has a similar function to your umbilical cords. Though, we actually have multiple and they each wither away over the course of gestation. So as not to inhibit our growth, you see. The one in question supplies us with nutrients from our mother until we're developed enough to eat on our own. And it just happens that the only thing available is...each other."

The doctors lowered their hands. Oddly enough Dr. Flug could almost swear he once read something about a certain type of shark which did something similar. He couldn't remember all the details, but the potential offspring eating each other in the womb was definitely ringing some bells. He wished he could talk to Slug again, see if he had any input. Perhaps he'd heard of some other organism whose offspring did something similar.

"The weakest ones are devoured within a few months." Black Hat picked up. "The survivors continue to grow and begin developing their limbs and uturary claws. By the second year, they're grown enough to actually start fighting in the mother's womb. Past that point it's not too complicated; They grow, they fight, the victors consume their defeated littermates, they fight some more, until there's only one survivor left alive waiting to be born."

"You skipped over all the other trimesters and went straight to maturity, but yes." White Hat murmured. "I suppose it _is_ a bit repetitive."

"If you have nothing to add to our little sex ed class, kindly shut the fuck up."

"You're the one who blazed past more than half the overall pregnancy."

"Oh, you wanted to go over that? Fine. Tell them all about how our slower growing siblings were picked off to speed up our own progression. Why don't you explain how we used our brood to hone our skills? Go on, tell your minions about how we _both_ slaughtered our kin with whatever appendages we had. Oh right, we're supposed to be explaining that, aren't we? Head is first; along with mouth, our juvenile sensory organs, and stomach. Then we grow our arms and legs, both of which sprout temporary claws while in utero. These tentacles?" Black hat summoned a few out of his back for dramatic effect, spooking Clemencia so bad she nearly fell back in her chair. Even Dr. Slug tensed up at the sight of them. What, did White Hat not show those off often? "We don't get them until the final months before birth. Before that, all fighting is done up close and personal. Go on, tell them, White Hat. Tell them about how savagely we, as little more than underdeveloped fetuses, decimated our ilk. Or were you planning on sugarcoating the fact that we fought and killed each other for the right to exist?"

Clemencia and Dr. Slug looked stunned that their boss could be capable of such a thing. Even at such a juvenile stage of life. Dr. Slug's chin was visible, peeking out from the edge of his paper bag his jaw had dropped so far. 6.0.6. and 5.0.5. had much the same facial expression of sheer bewilderment. Dr. Flug and Dementia just sat there silently with baited breath, hoping the inhuman creatures would keep talking about their inner workings. Dementia was madly typing everything they said into her phone. Hopefully Flug didn't have to remind her not to post any of it, or she'd surely be sent to Tartarus.

"You make it sound like there was something more than just base instinct driving us. You act like we _wanted_ to destroy each other."

" _I_ want to destroy _you_."

"Yes," White Hat sighed. "You've made that clear time after time."

"And you continuously try to act as if I'm the only one."

"You're the only one who insists on trying again and again to continue our struggle."

"You're the one who refuses to finish it."

"I'm trying right now to-"

"No," Black Hat cut him off. "No, you're not. You can try and claim you're 'looking for another solution' or 'trying to resolve things peacefully' or whatever crap you tell yourself, but the one thing you absolutely are _not_ doing, is trying to put an end to it."

"Oh, just because I don't see the point in spending the rest of our lives tearing each other apart because we didn't quite accomplish it the first quadrillion times."

"It would only be the rest of our lives for one of us."

"Preferably me, right?"

"At this point, I don't care. I just want to be done with it." Black Hat glared at his twin. "I promise you, you'll _never_ want this to end as badly as I do."

"Ok seriously, would you get over yourself?" White Hat snapped. " _I_ was born! _You_ were born! Big damn deal!"

"Oooh breaking out the _damns_. You must be getting serious."

"There is no reason for us to keep fighting like this! No reason at all besides you being a petty jackass who can't let go of anything!"

"Oh big talk coming from you! You're the one who whined about needing braces for over 13 centuries!"

"You broke the roots of my teeth!"

"You could've just regrown them, how was it _my_ fault you were terrible at it and they kept going crooked? You needed the practice. What you _didn't_ need to do was try and bury me alive."

"Oh big deal, not like it would've killed you!"

"You didn't know that!" Black Hat pointed at him accusingly.

"And you could've just crawled out, instead of writhing around all _dramatic_!"

They continued, bringing up their sordid past and the many attempts on each other's lives. Both getting progressively angrier and more animated, as if they were reliving their childhood battles. Everyone's eyes darted back and forth, like it was the most high stakes verbal tennis game the world had ever seen. All with one collective revelation blowing their minds:

 _Dear Mother of God they're brothers._

"Shouldn't we be stopping this?!" Clemencia yelled to the group, barely audible.

"I'm not sticking my hand into this particular wood chipper!" Dr. Flug yelled, though he wasn't sure anyone actually heard him.

"Are we allowed to talk yet?!" Dementia asked.

"Hey! Hey!" Dr. Slug stood up and screamed when it was clear that the two creatures had completely forgotten they had an audience. They looked about ready to start throwing punches, and that did not bode well for the lives of any spectators. His yelling caught the attention of the bickering brothers, and they finally quieted down and both stared at him.

"Who gave you permission to speak?" Black Hat hissed.

"You don't own him."

"So...that's it?" Dr. Slug asked, ignoring them both. "You guys fought for dominance in the womb, were born, and just kept going at it?"

"That's the gist of it, yes." Black Hat said. "As there was no ultimate victor, we continued to fight after birth. A slow and arduous torture lasting more lifetimes than you'd ever be able to comprehend."

"As I said, Dr. Slug, twins are extremely rare. The chances of more than one child surviving is so slim that hardly anyone even considers it. Unless it's growing closer and closer to the due date and there is a suspicious amount of activity still going on in there. Our own mother didn't think it possible until we practically tore ourselves out of her abdomen."

Dr. Slug sat back down breathlessly. "I'd ask how she didn't die from just carrying the two of you but..." He trailed off. "You seem like a durable species."

"I'll say." Clemencia said. "I never knew you could do, or handle, any of that sir! You're so totally nice!"

He sat back down calmly. "Well, I'm not called the best for nothing. I don't particularly enjoy destroying things, but I suppose I _am_ rather good at it."

Black Hat huffed and grumpily sat back in his own armchair. He crossed one leg over the other and silently observed everyone else conversing. It seemed he'd gotten a bit of the rage out of his system. At least enough to stand everyone else in the room for a while longer.

"So, White Hat," Dementia said. "What made you wanna be a hero? If you're as strong as Black Hat and all, like, how'd _this_ happen?"

"I'd like to know too." Clemencia added. "Especially if you really grew up doing nothing but fighting and hurting each other. How'd you stop?"

"I guess separating was a big part of it. Wouldn't you agree?" Black Hat grunted in response. White Hat continued. "It was very hard for me to _not_ annihilate those who sought to do harm, but that was kind of what made it worthwhile. Restraint didn't come easily, I had to work at it every time I went out trying to help people. I'll admit, back in my early days, I did far more harm than good. I had to learn that not all creatures were able to withstand my strength and capabilities. As a matter of fact, heh, _no_ other creature has been able to stand against me." He looked to Black Hat somewhat fondly, though the evil twin didn't acknowledge it. "I had to learn to only use a small amount of my total power, or else I might destroy the things I was trying to protect."

"Excuse me," Dr. Flug interrupted. "But, just to clarify, you have...more or less the same abilities as Black Hat?"

"That's fairly accurate, yes. We have our own individual strengths of course, but across the board we're about evenly matched. Even after all this time apart."

"So pretty much anything he can do, you can do, and vice versa?"

"Well...yes." White Hat seemed to grow a bit uncomfortable. "That's true."

"So you _do_ have those creepy tentacle things?" Clemencia asked.

"I do, yes. I don't show them off much these days as, well, I don't get much use out of them. Seeing as I don't fight very often anymore, there's no real reason for me to summon them. And, perhaps I feared you two, sorry, _three_ might be a bit frightened."

"Oh no sir! We know you'd never do us any harm! Isn't that right Dr. Slug?"

"Huh? What?" Dr. Slug shook his head, like Clemencia had shaken him out of a particularly distracting thought.

"You know White Hat would never hurt us, right?"

"Right, right, yeah."

"See? Even 6.0.6. knows it." Said yellow bear grunted.

"Thank you," White Hat smiled kindly. "I'm grateful you have so much trust in me."

"Of course, sir!" Clemencia chirped. "So, would it be alright if you showed us? Now?"

"Oh you...you want to see them? Right now?"

"Well, yeah. If you don't mind. I wouldn't want you feeling like there were parts of yourself you had to hide from us. We trust you completely, White Hat. Please, don't ever feel like you can't be yourself around us."

Wow, she was good. That was so pure and heartfelt. It was enough to move even the heart of the mad scientist of the Black Hat Organization. Then again, this was the man who teared up from a lab monkey expressing how unwanted he felt to his creator. It wasn't too surprising that he'd be touched by such genuine compassion.

What _was_ surprising was that Black Hat wasn't gagging on the stench of kindness radiating from his brother and his underling. The evil businessman hadn't reacted to anything really since divulging the mysteries of his birth. He was just silently staring, if Dr. Flug wasn't mistaken, right at Dr. Slug. Who seemed to be staring right back, muttering under his breath.

"Psst! Dr. Sandwich Bag!" Dementia whispered.

"What is it? And...why are we whispering?"

"Is it just me, or did White Hat never actually answer the question?"

"What?"

"Just look," She brought up her phone and pointed out the latest paragraph. "I asked him what made how it was he became hero, right? But then Clem asked him something else, and he never answered me. Or did I miss something? This is what he said, right?"

"Yeah...yeah, that's everything." Dr. Flug was impressed, she was like a certified court stenographer. It seemed she'd gotten every single word of the conversation verbatim. Dr. Flug thought hard and it seemed like a word-for-word record of all that had been said. If she'd missed something, he couldn't think of what.

He peeked over Dementia's wild mane of electric green hair, to Clemencia's poofy blue fluff coming out of her unicorn hood. White Hat had summoned about three tentacles, which slowly extended from him to her. Almost cautiously, like he was afraid the slightest touch might hurt her. She slowly reached out to touch them, like she too was worried about some hidden danger. As if they both thought any sudden movement might trigger some dormant, instinctual bloodlust.

Then Dr. Slug leapt up and pointed at Black Hat, screaming at the top of his lungs. "Ok you son of a bitch, who _the fuck_ do you think you're callin' sloppy seconds!?"

This day had just been one mental explosion after another.

Dr. Slug had hoped he'd actually get some relief, finding out the story between his bothersome boss and his evil twin brother (Jesus, it sounded like a bad Syfy movie). Instead he was on hour three of the most intense migraine he'd ever had, and his one solace was that Black Hat's home (someone might've said it was a manor?) had a much darker color scheme and was less painful to look at than the bright, blinding light of the White Hat Estate. He just needed somewhere quiet, and he'd be able to deal with it.

Not that he was likely to get it because every single person in the room was insane. Clearly. The bear's might be ok, and if Dr. Flug would allow he'd like to borrow his 5.0.5. for a quick 9 hour nap to recharge. 6.0.6. didn't enjoy contact like that, which was a real shame because Slug could really really _really_ use some snuggles to make his poor, aching head feel better. Oh god, what was the stress doing to him? He hadn't felt this starved for affection since high school. Please, couldn't they be done with this and go home? So he could do what he usually did and repress all this misery?

Although, since they _were_ all here, the scientist couldn't help but imagine he had a bit of an opportunity. When was the last time he'd been beyond the grounds of the estate? Even provisionally? And everyone was distracted. And he was sitting next to a guy with a disturbingly similar body type and height, who was _also_ a scientist, who _also_ hid his face, and probably did about the same sort of thing for Black Hat as Dr. Slug did for White Hat. The only trouble was getting out of sight. Yes, everyone's attention was on their weirdly opposite employers, but the doctors would surely be noticed if they snuck off together. Perhaps he could try his hand at convincing them he just wanted an innocent look at Dr. Flug's lab? To see how it compared to theirs? Clem might want to join them, but surely this Dementia girl could distract her. That just left the bears, who could possibly be sent on some errand. The bosses wouldn't think much of the two of them, alone in the laboratory. For just a few minutes, maybe not even ten. Just enough time to convince Dr. Flug that he'd be _much_ happier under White Hat, and no one would even notice if they switched. Black Hat was supposed to be this horrifying, deadly, thing of pure evil or whatever, but it seemed like his ego overpowered even his malice. So all Slug would need would be to cower appropriately and he'd never suspect a thing.

 _ **Ok, let me stop you right there.**_ A somewhat familiar raspy voice spoke in his mind. Dr. Slug froze still as a statue to hear it, as clearly as if the words were being said out loud. _**There are so many things wrong with that plan. Usually I'd charge you for this but, what the hell, first one's free. Number One: everyone would notice immediately, you two act nothing alike. Number Two: Flug would never agree to your plan, he's far too meek and he has already defected from the side of good once already. Number Three: what exactly makes you think you would prefer life under my thumb? Where have you been the past hour? Were you not paying attention?**_

Dr. Slug stared in horror at the figure slightly to his 10 o'clock. The villain whose eye was focused on him intently, unblinking. He wasn't smiling fiendishly or anything, outwardly he gave no hints as to whatever mental witchcraft he was pulling.

 _ **Witchcraft? Really? That's the best you got?**_ What the fuck? What the fuck?! Was he in his head? Was he reading his mind? Was he- _**Calm down, you insignificant insect. I am not reading your mind.**_ Then- _**Just your immediate thoughts.**_

 _Well that sure sounds like mind reading._ Dr. Slug thought. _Very inefficient mind reading._

 _ **It is not all that useful.**_ Black Hat admitted. _**But it allows for private conversation such as this.**_

 _I am so not okay with what's happening right now._

 _ **Congratulations.**_

 _Can White Hat do this?_

 _ **He probably can, but doesn't. To respect your privacy or some crap. He's insufferable like that.**_

 _Agreed._

 _ **Oh? You don't like him?**_

 _No, he's annoying. I'm only working for him because I have no choice. I actually started out as a mad scientist, you know. I made my own weapons and sold them on the black market to fund my real research._

 _ **But you got caught.**_

 _Yeah, I got caught. And apparently, attempts to create a super-plague are frowned upon, so it was either work under White Hat's supervision or life in prison. Assuming they wouldn't just push for the death penalty. I figured so long as I was alive I still had a chance, even if it was slim. And if he was going to provide me with whatever I needed, why not take advantage? Food, shelter, resources, it honestly wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so...well, you'd know better than anyone, wouldn't you?_

Laughter echoed through Dr. Slug's mind. It felt like it would drive him insane if it went on too long. _**Ok, you're entertaining, I'll grant you that.**_

Dr. Slug didn't like the way Black Hat was talking to him. And he was pretty sure the demon (did that make White Hat a demon? Were they like demon-angel twins?) knew it. But that didn't mean Slug wouldn't try and shoot his shot.

 _Hey, do you think maybe...you could talk to White Hat? Work out some kind of trade?_

 _ **You're still on that?**_

 _Look, I don't want to spend the rest of my life under this fucking buffoon. I've already spent too much time cooped up with these clowns. I am a villain. Maybe not an especially successful one, but I'm fairly athletic and have a very high tolerance for bullshit. I've only been making these non-lethal excuses for weaponry because that's all White Hat will allow me to build. I'm constantly holding back and having to neuter my machines. They've never changed me. Rehabilitation my ass, I've been looking for opportunities to escape since day one._

 _ **And how long ago was that? How long have you served under my brother?**_

 _I don't...serve under him. I just work for him._

 _ **Whatever you tell yourself. How long?**_

 _A few years._

 _ **How many, exactly?**_

Dr. Slug thought hard about it. But no matter how many times he went over it, something just wasn't adding up. He hadn't aged much (hardly at all in fact) since being forced to work for White Hat, so it couldn't have been more than a few years in total. But he was sure that he'd been a part of the organization for quite a while before Clemencia joined. She'd been with them for years as well, and was also mostly unchanged. Shortly after her arrival, Dr. Slug got to work on 6.0.6., who was basically full grown by now. So the passage of time had to have been quite significant, though they themselves hadn't seemed to have been affected by it. There was something horribly wrong here, and the more he thought about it the worse his headache grew.

"Isn't that right Dr. Slug?"

"Huh? What?" Dr. Slug was shaken back to the outside world by Clemencia.

"You know White Hat would never hurt us, right?"

"Right, right, yeah." Yeah, never. Even with all his supposed badassery, Slug couldn't imagine White Hat hurting so much as a fly. Literally, he caught and released flies!

Dr. Slug focused back on Black Hat, who still gave no indication whatsoever that this little psychic one-on-one was happening.

 _ **Can't quite say?**_ Black Hat's voice was rather taunting, though his face was inert. _**Do you so much as know what year it is now?**_

 _You know something, don't you? There's something you aren't telling me._ Dr. Slug tried in vain not to let on how worried he was getting. Because he really _wasn't_ sure what year it was.

 _ **Of course there is. I have been here since before creation dug it's heel into this filthy rock. I know more than you will ever be able to learn.**_

 _And what's that?_

 _ **For starters, I know what year it is.**_

 _Ok, are we building to something with that? Or are you just trying to mess with my head?_

 _ **I've been in your head for less than ten minutes and I can already tell there isn't much to mess with.**_

 _What is that supposed to mean?_

 _ **It means that by the end of the day, you're either going back with White Hat or you're dying. Because you are not staying here. I have no use for a secondhand scientist.**_

 _Oh, you're going to write me off, just like that? You say your Flug defected from the side of good once, who's to say he won't defect back if given the chance? Why exactly would he stay with you if he had the option of working for your nicer, friendlier brother? We're all scary alternate, parallel, reflections of each other, so if_ I _want to leave, Flug might too. Have you thought of that? I can't leave because I'm under indefinite house arrest and supposedly repenting by being forced to use my talents for the forces of good and all that crap. So I slipped up as a kid, whatever. Just give me a chance to show you I'm still a villain, no matter what I've been doing for the past however-fucking-many years I've worked for White Hat. Do you really like having this sniveling dork under you? You like being represented by some spineless nerd? Does anyone in this joint take him even the slightest bit seriously? People take_ me _seriously. Just take my goddamn leash off for five minutes and let me show you what I could bring to the table. You know why I got caught? I was on my own, with no experience. I have that experience now, even if it comes from White Hat. So, c'mon, all I'm asking is that you throw me a bone here._

There was a pause. Dr. Slug dared to hope Black Hat was at least considering his proposition. The way Black Hat started to talk down to him as they continued to talk privately was really aggravating. If there was one thing Slug hated more than White Hat and Clemencia's obnoxious cheerfulness, it was being belittled.

 _ **It will be a frigid day in the flames of hell when I start taking my brothers sloppy seconds.**_

"Ok you son of a bitch," Dr. Slug said out loud, jumping to his feet. "Who _the fuck_ do you think you're callin' sloppy seconds!?"

"Language please!"

" _That's_ your first concern?" Black Hat asked calmly, merely quipping an eyebrow at his brother. "And as for _**you,**_ you're far too uncouth to even consider serving me. My mother," He stood up, towering over the sassier version of his scientist (who was starting to realize this _may_ have been a horrible idea). "Is a conqueror of dimensions. Entire realities have fallen to ash and been rebuilt in her shining image. The destroyer herself, Shiva, trembles at her toes. You will speak of her with reverence and recreance but most of all, with respect."

Dementia gasped. "Can we meet her?"

"Absolutely not."

"Oh c'mon, Blackie, let's throw a big Hat Family reunion and invite _all_ the family members you never told us about!"

"NO!" His voice boomed out as if a cannon had learned to vocalize.

"It's really for the best," White Hat spoke up. "We _are_ talking about the woman who allowed us to constantly attack each other. If one of us went crying to her, she'd send us back with a weapon and told us to 'do him one better'."

"Truly, the woman who made me what I am today."

"...Yeah, me too."

"No one is talking to you."

"You are, apparently."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

" _ **No I'm not!**_ "

" _ **Yes you are!**_ "

"Oh my god they're like fucking children somebody help." Dr. Flug moaned, shoving his face into Dementia's hair.

"Do you remember what I said earlier, whoever spoke out of turn would face unthinkable suffering?" Black Hat asked the group, scowling angrily.

Dementia jumped on the table, knocking over the cupcake tray and sending Dr. Flug to the floor. "Oh please, oh please my dear sweet _bombon_! Please give me one more chance!"

"Bombon?" White Hat asked, one hand over his mouth as he struggled not to laugh out loud at Dementia's pet name for Black Hat.

Black Hat's eye went a violent, blood red. He began twitching slightly and his breathing matched that of a savage beast. Dr. Flug curled into a ball as he awaited punishment. Dementia stayed poised on the table, hands clasped in a begging pose that contrasted harshly with her loving smile and the general atmosphere of the room. 5.0.5. hid behind a chair, 6.0.6. crouched behind 5.0.5. cautiously. Clemencia was frozen in her chair, bits of chocolate cupcake stuck on her face and in her hair. Dr. Slug collapsed limply back in his seat, trying to think of what this monster could do to them. Would White Hat fight him off? _Could_ he fight him off? They'd been fighting a nonstop deathmatch since they were conceived, and neither had ever actually beaten the other. White Hat looked ready to jump out and stop Black Hat as soon as he moved a muscle. Dr. Slug had never actually seen him fight before, save for rare instances he sparred with fellow heroes to keep his skills honed. Even then, they always remarked that he was holding back significantly.

Would they finally get to see White Hat go all out?

"I have a question for all of you," Black Hat spoke through clenched teeth. His hate-filled grimace turned up into a threatening grin. "How did you come to be our subordinates?"

"H-Huh?" Dr. Slug muttered.

"Did I fucking stutter?" The hell-beast snarled, face morphing rows of thin needle-like teeth that bent and protruded as more sprouted from gray ghoulish gums. A forked tongue poked from the maw, threatening destruction. "Tell me how you came to us. All of you."

"I left my whole life behind to devote it to you." Dementia said dreamily. God, what was _wrong_ with her? This was the " _man"_ she loved?

"I, uh, I was an orphan." Clemencia spoke up. "My parents were killed by a villain, White Hat managed to save me. I wanted to dedicate my life to being a hero. So when I heard he was looking for employees, I did everything I could to be able to work under him."

Dr. Flug picked himself up from the floor. "I got caught selling my inventions to villains on the side, things far more effective than what I made for heroes. You offered me protection if I officially switched sides and worked exclusively for you, sir."

"Well, you already know," Dr. Slug sighed out. "Was a villain on my own, got caught, working for a hero as penance. Improved the enthusiastic fan girl, built a bear, sound familiar?"

"I think I need a drink." Dr. Flug said under his breath.

"You can have one," Black Hat said oddly calmly. A fang-toothed smile split his face again. "If any one of you can answer one more question for me. What year it is?"

"Black Hat, what are you doing?"

"Whatever I want. It's my house."

"2010!" Dementia exclaimed.

"Too low. Try again."

"It's, uh...2018?" Dr. Flug scratched the top of his bag in contemplation. "I'm sorry sir, I don't pay much attention past my deadlines."

"That's alright Flug, but you're still too low." The man in the plane T-shirt hung his head, trying to think how much longer it had been that he'd lived here.

"Black Hat, _what are you doing?_ " White Hat repeated.

"2020?" Clementia suggested. "Maybe...2025?"

The bears each made unintelligible grunts and held up their paws. Black Hat shook his head slowly, much to their confusion. " _Too low,_ " The creatures head tilted mockingly, speaking like they were especially stupid children that failed to grasp even the simple concept of the date.

White Hat's eye widened. "You wouldn't."

"Is it the year 3000?" Dr. Slug said, only half sarcastically for fear he might be right. "Is that going to be the big twist? You're keeping us all in some kind of suspended animation dealio until we outlive our usefulness? We're hundreds of years old and everyone we knew and loved is long dead? If we leave we'll crumble to dust or something? Is that it?"

"Slug-"

"It's actually more of a time loop." Black Hat corrected maliciously. "And the year-"

White Hat swooped in to deliver a punch to Black Hat's gut. His fist was blocked expertly and the hero was flung into the opposite wall.

"-is 4019." The villain declared to his horrified hostages. "But otherwise, you're right on the money. Not bad. Cam-Bot, come." At his behest, a large camera with fiendish claw legs crawled down from fuck knows where and saluted him. "Go ahead and get that drink, Flug. Matter of fact, grab a few bottles. Get the whole tray. We're going to need it."

Dr. Flug laughed bleakly. "Right away sir." He walked through the White Hat-shaped hole in the wall, giggling crazily.


End file.
